


After

by greeneggsandham25



Series: After- Drarry [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, Gay, Happy Ending, Harry Potter Next Generation, Hogwarts, LGBT, M/M, Next Generation, Post-Hogwarts, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, long story, mature themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:08:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 62
Words: 85,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27534292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greeneggsandham25/pseuds/greeneggsandham25
Summary: My blood ran cold at her words. Everything went still. I noticed Ron and Hermione turn to look at me. Their faces showed pure shock.Then, In a tense whisper, Harry spoke."Damn you Weasley."It's 10 years after the battle of Hogwarts and Harry has great deal of depression, PTSD, and Anxiety. Ginny has tried to help him, but he is unperceptive to her efforts. It's not until Draco Malfoy unexpectedly reenters his life, that things start taking a few turns. will Harry make it though the battles that rage on in his mind?Trigger warnings for this whole thing. Mentions of abuse, self harm, suicidal thoughts. etc.The plot, and some minor characters, are the only thing that belongs to me and my friend.This story can also be found on Wattpad and Harrypotterfanfiction.com  under the same title. My users are iwatt0245607 and greeneggsandham25 respectively.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Series: After- Drarry [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2012536
Comments: 13
Kudos: 114





	1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

-Harry POV-

I stood in line at the supermarket with Ginny, my wife, and Teddy, my godson. My hands clenched open and closed continuously. I kept glancing around expecting an attack of some sort, or to run into an enemy. This was the first time I'd been out of the house in a month.. I thought I could handle it.

"Harry relax. Soon enough we will have paid for the groceries and you'll be back in the car. On the way home."  
I only let out a harsh exhale in response to Ginny.

"Harry...it's been ten years." She huffed

She's right. I don't know why I get so nervous. I had to leave London all together, Ginny supported it. She couldn't handle me not being able to go about my business normally. I'd make too much of a fuss about it. I'm always ready to be attacked; which prevented me from leaving the house more often than not. And whenever news reporters would come about to ask about the happenings of "the boy who lived" I'd end up panicking. Now we live in Muggle America. Far from the wizarding world we grew up in, and far from the people we once knew.

"Harry.... Harry please you're starting to hyperventilate."

"Maybe I should head to the bathroom.." I said in an urgent whisper, feeling unable to prevent my oncoming panic attack.

"It's towards the back.." she said. But I just barely caught it as I was speeding towards the rear end of the market so I could lock myself in what would hopefully be a single stall restroom.

My pace quickened, as did my shallow breaths. Soon enough I was in the back hallway by an occupied family restroom. Calm down. I told myself as I backed against the wall trying to seem as though nothing was wrong. Soon enough I lost focus of my surroundings. I faintly heard the toilet flush before I decided that it'd be better for me to get through this in the men's room just further down the hall, instead of here waiting for whoever was in the single stall restroom to finish.

As I entered the bathroom I quickly jammed myself into the largest stall and locked the door before crouching down and letting out a strangled yelp.  
Breathe goddamn it. Control yourself, you're in public. What if someone comes in. Then what do you do? You can't defend yourself in this state.  
I felt my phone in my pocket vibrate and assumed it was Ginny asking about me. I ignored it. I needed to get a grip on myself.

I felt myself controlled enough to stand up and lean against the stall door as I wiped a stray tear. Catching my breath, counting slowly. I then heard the restroom door open, snapping me back into the reality of my surroundings and where I am.

"Ok now let me help you use the toilet Scorpius."

I froze. I knew that voice anywhere. The voice of my enemy since my first year at Hogwarts. I shut my eyes tight and shook my head timidly. I have to be imagining this. He's in London happily married.

"But Daddy I'm a big kid now!" Said the child innocently.

"Scorpius you're 7 years old, now I'm going to clean the seat for you."

Following this I saw a yellow light come from the stall next to mine. Instinctively I grabbed my wand and held it as it sat in my pocket. It is definitely him. It's Malfoy. My heart rate quickened again. When he sees me he'll attack me no doubt. Especially with our history. What is Malfoy even doing all the way in America, and what's even more curious, in the Muggle world?

I heard the door open again at the same time that, what I assume to be Malfoy's son, flushed the toilet. And I saw the two of them exit the stall.

"Uncle Harry!" I practically jumped out of the stall towards him protectively. One hand reaching in front of him and the other still ready to take out my concealed wand.

"Uncle Harry, Aunt Ginny is worried for you. She's just outside and sent me to make sure you're alright-" he said quickly while behind me, where I had him.

"Not now Teddy...thank you"

Meanwhile an absolutely bewildered Malfoy and a confused Malfoy Jr stood just a few feet away. 

"Potter?"

"Malfoy."


	2. Chapter 2

-Draco POV-

As I opened the door of the stall to let my son out I heard a small voice at which I whipped my head towards

"Uncle Harry, Aunt Ginny is worried for you. She's just outside and sent me to make sure you're alright-"

I couldn't believe it. Just to my left stood Harry bloody Potter, in a defensive stance, with a protective arm in front of presumably his nephew, and a hesitant hand on his wand.

"Potter?" I asked, as if I had to be sure.

"Malfoy."

It was silent. Of course there was tension, what with everything that's happened between us. Especially when one of the first things for me to remember about him was my stupid second year crush.

I stopped my thoughts from wandering as I realized the gravity of this very moment. I looked at him.

We drew our wands out at the same time. I ushered my son behind me.

My heart was pounding as I remember 6th year. How I wished he'd succeeded in killing me. Now grateful he wasn't, for now I have a son.

"Potter.. we put our wands down together"

"How should I trust you?!"

Before I could respond I saw fear in his eyes. He looked as though he expected death to come from every corner

"We have children." I paused to think. "We have lives to get on with."  
The silence was deafening.

"Drop your wand and kick it towards me.."

I did as he said. I truly don't want to fight him like we're children again. Especially not in front of Scorpius. If I can do anything it's honor how his mother would have raised him. And honor how she helped me grow and change into a better person.

As the wand rolled over to him I saw him crouch down to get it. I never left his sight, nor his aim. As if he thought I'd throw a punch or something.  
When he grabbed my wand is when he lowered his own. I visibly relaxed and let go of the tightness I didn't realize I had in my shoulders.

"Did you follow me here?" He asked in an unsure tone.

"No. I moved here 6 years ago to raise him" I replied gesturing towards my son who no longer stood behind me, but rather next to me.

"I moved here 8 years ago.. I couldn't take the wizarding world anymore."

"What you and your eternal glory?" I mentally scolded myself for the snarky comeback.

"Sod off Malfoy."  
More uncomfortable silence.

"Is that your nephew?"

"My Godson. Teddy... he's Tonks and Moony's child.."  
"So he's my cousin...once removed." I paused as if to make sure I'd done that correctly. And I wondered why my family hated my cousin to such an extent that her and her husband were cast away by us. How I never got to know Nymphadora and how she died before I could realize everything my family had done wrong to her.

"Uncle Harry does this man know my mom and dad?" Asked Teddy.

"It's complicated..." H- Potter glanced at me. As if assessing if I'd make a dangerous move.

"...He's part of your family Teddy. It's difficult to explain-" He was cut off by a knock at the door.

"Harry, are you in there are you alright?" I pondered for half a second to remember that voice.

"Weaselette?"

"Don't call her that" he sneered.

"Harry? Who are you speaking to? I'm coming in."

"No wait Gin-" The Weaslette walked in and bore a worried expression which changed to shock as she saw me.

"Hello Malfoy" she greeted me cautiously.

"Hello..." I never learned her name. I mentally slapped myself for it.

"Ginny." She said.

"...Ginny." I replied.

She drew in a breath. "Well. Harry. I think you should give him his wand back" she said eyeing my wand that Harry still held. "And we must get going. It's late."

"Yes." He said. He eyed me again as if I were a snake about to bite, though I don't think I had a harsh expression on my face. He handed me my wand with shaking hands that I don't think anyone could fail to notice. What happened to him? He used to be so determined. Suddenly Scorpius cut up into the tense conversation. 

"I want to get to know my cousin, dada!"

"I looked at him then back at the three, Harry of which looked most eager to leave.

"Give me a call." She walked up to me and sighed before hastily pulling her phone out and giving it to me.

"Go on. Enter your phone number. Our past shouldn't stop the kids from getting to know each other." I looked at her suspiciously. Taken aback by her boldness, and entered my number into her phone.

Things went still yet again. I hastily pulled out my phone before mumbling a quick apology. I thrust the phone her way "here. Enter your own."

I could feel my heart going against my chest as I realized I was now exchanging phone numbers with.... my dad would call her a blood traitor. My mind briefly went back to my late wife. She never cared about such small things. The tension seemed to lessen as Harry hastily left the restroom in a nervous manner, as if he couldn't take it anymore.

"Goodbye then." Said Ginny briefly as she gave me back my phone. She then asked Teddy for his hand and left with him.

"Alright then Scorpius...let's wash our hands now.." I felt shaken by the previous encounter. Potter is nothing like he was. The war must have done a great deal to him, and not in his favor either.


	3. Chapter 3

-Harry POV-

As soon as we got to the house I went upstairs to mine and Ginny's room. I needed to process what had happened tonight. I held my wand in my hand and twisted it around with my index finger and thumb whilst I lay in bed. Draco Malfoy.... back in my life. The entire time we were together in the bathroom he didn't show a look of anger or hatred in his eyes like he always did in the past. My thoughts were interrupted by Ginny entering the room.

"Malfoy is saying he can come over with his son next Saturday." She said as she changed into her pajamas. She looked over to me and saw me fiddling with my wand. She sighed and made her way to me.

"Harry there's no danger here in the house. Please just put your wand on the night stand at least."

"Ginny you know since the war I just. I need to be on guard. What if there are death Eaters out there? Hell there's a death Eater coming over on Saturday-"

"Harry you told me yourself that you didn't think Malfoy would have done those things had he been raised correctly. There's a reason why you testified in his defense 10 years ago."

"I know....." I tried to calm my shaking hands and took a long breath.

"Maybe this is a sign...for you to move on from everything. Maybe befriending him will help you." 

"I'm sorry Ginny. I know I've never been so aware and involved with you and with Teddy. I'm always so...so stuck in my mind."

"Don't worry about it.. I understand..... goodnight." She gave me a kiss on the cheek and smoothly took my wand to then put it over on my night stand.

"Try for some sleep tonight. Yeah?"

I lazily mumbled in agreement before the lights were turned off.

\----

_I walked down the halls of Hogwarts in its ruins. My head hurt as I made my way toward the forbidden forest. I see Hermione run to me with Ron close behind_

_"Harry you're safe!" She said as she engulfed me in an embrace which I gladly returned._

_"You're not going to do it are you?"_

_I looked at her with a face meaning she knew it's what I had to do. Without another word the three of us hugged each other._

_As I trudged my way towards Voldemort my mind raced through all the lives lost thanks to me not defeating him earlier. Everyone who died trying to protect me..._

_"Avada Kedevra!"_

_I'm hit from behind_

I woke with a start. I turned to find Ginny sleeping peacefully. I wiped stray beads of sweat off my forehead and catch my breath before grabbing my wand and leave to the living room down stairs.

While downstairs I sat in silence on the edge of the couch. My arms folded and my head between my legs. _Maybe I should write an owl to Hermione and Ron...It's been a long time since we spoke._

After a bout of internal debate I got up and went to the office room where my owl and Ginny's are kept. 


	4. Chapter 4

-Harry POV-

"Malfoy?" Said Ron in disbelief. I nodded and took a sip of water. He and Hermione now sat across from me in our dining room. After I'd sent the owl they insisted on coming to visit. They apparated here this morning.

"Who would have bloody known.." he said.

"Ronald! There are children!" Said Hermione.

Rose, Ron and Hermione's 7 year old daughter played with Teddy in the living room.

"Oh um Ron, Ginny should be home soon. She doesn't know you're here. Thought it'd be a right pleasant surprise."

"Oh? That reminds me. Don't you work mate?" Asked Ron casually.

I stiffened slightly. "Not since I left my job at the ministry as an Auror." 

"You know Harry, I respected yours and Ginny's decision to leave. But why you never gave us an explanation, and cut us off, is beyond me.." she said.

At this I looked away from her eyes and my eyes accidentally trailed down to the 'mudblood' scar. I immediately looked away. Guilt filling me.   
She was right. And I could feel myself overreacting, as always. I just need to control my breathing.

Suddenly Ginny appeared. "Hello Harry I- RON!"

"Hey Ginny!" Ron happily gave his sister a hug.

"How are you? It's been so long!"

"I know! I know. Well, Hermione and I are doing great, and little Rose is growing up rather quickly-"

"Oh I need to see my niece, she's with Teddy isn't she."

Ron nodded happily, not missing Ginny's enthusiasm, and she turned to Hermione:

"But before I see her: Hermione, how are you?  
You know if Ron's being a git you can complain to me."

"Hey!" He retorts.

"It's nice to see you too Ginny. Ron's just perfect I can assure you." She replied with a small laugh.

As Ginny turned to go see Rose, I stood up. "I need the restroom. I'll be right back."

Just then, Hermione gently gripped me by my upper arm

"Hey Harry. Are you alright?"

"Just fine, all I need's a breather. Please, feel free to stay for dinner."

I left upstairs as quickly as I could. Hermione still looked suspicious of me. I went to my room and locked the door. I lay on the floor to help ground myself as I took deep breaths. Her scar burnt into my mind. If I hadn't let her go on an aimless hunt for horcruxes with me she wouldn't have that. I clutched my hands tightly. Struggling to breathe. 

"Harry. M-Draco has agreed to have dinner with everyone. I know it's last minute, but it'll be fine I suppose, I'll make an extra 2 servings." Whatever it is that Ginny's said from downstairs didn't register to me. Just that she spoke.

I felt myself overheating. I frantically sat up and removed my shirt and threw it across the room. I felt as though there were pins and needles pinching me everywhere and I squeezed myself in discomfort as my knees drew towards my chest. _Just breathe why is it so difficult._ I completely lost track of time. And the next thing I know I'm being given a calming draught. And I feel myself take hold of my surroundings again. I take deep breaths before I blink a few times to see Hermione sitting by my side asking if I'm ok and where I got all these scars. I mentally cursed myself as to why I would have even stupid enough to not transfigure my scars away when I knew Hermione and Ron were visiting.

"-you okay?"

"Hm? Yeah. I just had a fit is all." I felt dehydrated as I said that. I need water.

"Harry.. Where did all these scars come from?"

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"...are they from the war?"

"Something like that, yeah."

"Come on. Malfoy should be coming soon."

"Malfoy?"

I was surprised to hear that. He's not supposed to come until Saturday of next week. Today is Thursday.

"Yes. Didn't you hear Ginny? She invited him over. We're making amends."

After a second I spoke.

"And you're alright with that?"

"Oh Harry. I'm alright with anything. I'm always here for you... you know that. Don't you?"

I nodded. "You really are the best, Hermi."

she let out a shy smile before getting up from the floor and holding her hand out to me.

"We ought to look like we were expecting him now. Let's go." She said.

I took her hand in response and allowed her to help me up. She went over to where I threw my sweaty shirt and put it in the hamper.

"Where are your shirts?" She asked

"The second drawer on the dresser. Long sleeves. Please."

I felt she was uneasy upon hearing me say that. Because now she knew I wasn't wearing them for Georgia's breezy fall weather. She handed me a shirt with a small smile. I returned it. And drew in a small breath before speaking:

"Please don't tell Ginny...or Ron. Just say I was finishing up in the bathroom."

"For a whole hour?"

Was I really preoccupied that long?

"Stomach pains."

And with that we started out to the living room where Ginny, Ron, Rose, and Teddy resided.


	5. Chapter 5

-Harry POV-

We were all sitting and conversing while Ginny finished cooking when a knock came from the front door.

"Harry, can you get that please?" Called Ginny from the kitchen.

"Yeah, I've got it." I responded as I lifted myself from the couch. I opened the door to be greeted by Malfoy and his son. Malfoy dressed casually nice in a polo shirt and jeans, and his son similarly dressed. I could see faded lines where his dark mark used to be. I shuddered at the thought.

"Hello." He held out a hand for me to shake. It took me a second to register as I looked at his hand, then took it and gave it a shake.

"Welcome." I said as I looked up towards him. We lingered for a bit before I pulled myself back into reality. And let go of his hand.

"Please, make yourselves at home. Dinner should be just about ready."

"Thank you." 

-Draco POV-

As Harry stepped aside I let myself walk into the home with Scorpius holding my hand. Harry guided me towards the dining room, which seemed to blend into the kitchen and the living room, being one big open space. The kitchen and dining room on my left were separated by an island and the living room, to the right of the dining room, which seemed to fit between the living room and kitchen, was defined by the couch on the other side of the dining room table.

"Everyone is getting ready to eat." Said Harry nervously before headed towards the table with his head slightly down.

I saw everyone get to the table taking their seats and went towards them all. To think that we hadn't seen each other in 10 years, and never in a good circumstance, it was odd to think of a dinner party with two Weasley's, Granger, and Potter.

"Hello everyone. This is my son Scorpius." I looked towards him as he shyly clung to my hand and waved at everyone.

"Hello Scorpius, I'm Hermione, this is my husband Ron, and our daughter Rose. She seems just about your age." She said happily. Weasley gave a small wave at the mention of his name.

"Malfoy, you and your son don't mind chicken, potatoes and vegetables right?" Said Ginny as she put two plates on the table.

"No not at all. Thank you." I slowly took a an empty seat at the table.

"Harry can you please get Teddy from his room?" Said the Weaslette as she served another plate. At that I saw Harry leave upstairs out of the corner of my eye.

"Scorpius do you want me to separate your food so they don't touch?" Was she always this thoughtful? I answered for him as I helped him take a seat next to me.

"He won't mind his food touching. Thank you for the thought though."

I turned at the sound of Teddy storming down the stairs and Harry following quietly behind. I realized that Teddy's hair had changed to a bright blond. The other day though it was brown... that means he has the metamorphagus ability...like Nymphadora did.

We all sat down and began eating. I took note that although Weasley's eating habits hadn't changed, he was now much more neat about it. Rose has her foods separated. Teddy and Scorpius are the same. Harry and what seems to be his more recent small demeanor was eating little bits slowly.

"So, M-Draco. How has everything been?" Asked Granger, breaking the tense silence

"Ever since Scorpius, it's been an adventure. Raising a child is no easy task. I moved here to America when he was 2 years old. I don't work on account of raising him. That and my family's fortune..."

"And his mum?" Asked Ron. I knew it would come up eventually. I took a deep breath before replying:

"She passed in childbirth."

"I'm so sorry...I didn't know."

The room went tense and silent again. With only the occasional sound of forks on plates and cups on tables.

"So. Gr- Hermione. You work at the ministry in London?"

"Yes. Both Ron and I work there. We've only visited here for the day."

"I see."

After another 10 minutes of silence it was Teddy who spoke to Scorpius.

"You have a cool name. I like you."

Then Scorpius responded:

"Thanks. I like your name too. It's nice and simple."

"You wanna go play with the toys in my room?"

"Sure"

We all watched them converse as if it were the most interesting film. Probably because us adults couldn't get past a few sentences together.

"Uncle Harry, Aunt Ginny, Can Scorpius and me be excused?" Asked Teddy

"May Scorpius and I be excused" she corrected. "And you may be excused. It's up to Scorpius's dad for whether he can leave the table or not."

At this she went to take one of her last few bites, and Scorpius turned to me

"Can I go play with Teddy?"

I smiled at him warmly. "Go ahead. "

"Rose why don't you go play with them?"  
Said Ron, that being probably the first time I heard him speak today.

The three kids left upstairs and the rest of us 4 stayed in a tension that had barely been lifted.

I noticed Granger and the Weasley's sharing looks with each other. Granger and Weasley would look at each other, then the pair at his sister, then the three of them would look at Potter. Who still numbly sat at the table. Pretending to be present in everything, including their little visual conversation. This happened more than once, in exactly the same way every time. It was annoying. But it also made me wonder why Harry... looked so lifeless, as though these 10 years killed him twice.   
I took a deep breath. This silence was sickening.

I looked up at Potter and his friends.

"I never did thank the lot of you. For saving me from that fire. Thanks."

"Anytime Malfoy." Said Potter.

"It was his idea to save the two of you." Responded Weasley. "I thought he'd gone mad"

I gave a sarcastic look of gratitude towards Weasley.

"Thank you Malfoy. For not telling your family it was us...at the Manor." Said Granger

"I didn't want you all to die..." I responded lowly.

Weasley's sister abruptly stood from the table. "Would any of you like tea? Dessert? There's ice cream and there's a bit of Sara Lee pound cake too."

"Everything is good. Thanks Ginny." Said Potter with a weak smile before looking back to his half-empty plate.

"Well then. I'll go check on the kids. See if they want me to put in a DVD."

"Harry. Ron, Rose and I better get going." Said G-Hermione. She got up "Ron. Please go get Rose. And ask Ginny for some floo powder, please."

"Alright." He gave her a kiss on the cheek before getting up and going towards Ha-Potter. He grabbed his shoulder casually: "I hope we speak more. Yeah mate?" He gave Potter a friendly yet concerned look.

Potter, after seemingly not realizing he was being spoken to. _God he needs to be more aware_. Looked up at him and put his hand on Weasley's, then answered: "yes. Of course."

He got up and gave The pair a hug before sitting back down. I gave my farewells and watched as We-Ron went to get Rose and Gr- Hermione went towards another room, probably the bathroom.

I looked back at P- Harry, seeing as he was the only one left at the table with me. He was still in that stupid daze.

"Potter." I tried to get his attention and it worked.

"Are you _always_ acting half asleep these days?"

"Shove off, Malfoy." He looked a bit uncomfortable.

"Well I was just curious. These people wouldn't know what hit them if you decided to snap out of it one day."

He spoke his next words sharply. "I said drop it." He looked as though he was trying not to explode or cry or jump up and hit the roof. A look of concern came over me.

"What's wrong Potter?"

He whipped his head towards me "I'm fine-"

Hermione came back out and Ron, Ginny and Rose came down the stairs. Both of us turned our attention towards them. Potter obviously more flustered than I.

"Goodbye. We have to get together more often. Being magical has its advantages. Living a country over can't stop a night of dinner." Said Granger to Weaslette.

"Well I've been trying to get him to go out more. You know how he's been since it all..." she gestured towards Scarface.

What does she mean by all that? What happened to him after the war? Did it affect him that badly? At least now he looked awake. Getting him riled up got him looking ready to fight. I didn't mean him to get so bent out of shape, honestly. It's as if he has two settings; asleep and ready to fight. I came back to my reality as I heard flames roar from the fireplace. They've left. Ginny was on her way back up.

"Potter. Do you want to go sit on the couch at least? We can leave the table."

He let out a huff of air and stood up grabbing empty plates from the table. I reached for the further ones as to help. He grabbed them and put them in the sink and began washing. I stood up and noticed he had his wand in his pocket.

"You carry your wand around in your home?" I asked surprised.

"You can never be too safe" he said shortly. Wanting to end the conversation.

After a bit of more uncomfortable silence, and me not wanting to stand and watch him clean plates, utensils and cups, I spoke while drawing my wand to cast a cleaning spell.

"You know you could always use a cleaning charm and be done. Scourg-"

"Expelliarmus!"

My wand clattered to the ground. and I looked at him bewildered. He stared back fiercely. His wand defensively pointed at me. His breaths labored.

"Put. it. away." he said. 

What just happened?

"What's Going on down there?!" I heard Weaslette speak while coming down the stairs. She stooped in seeing us.


	6. Chapter 6

-Draco POV-

"Harry..." She said in a worried tone while rushing to him. She shot me a look as if she were to wordlessly ask 'what did you do' I can't move or speak on account of not being able to understand what the hell is happening. Potter didn't get his eyes off me for even a second, his wand not faltering. Did I really pose myself as such a threat...?

"Malfoy you tell me what happened." She said firmly while getting towards him.

"I swear it was nothing. I went to cast a cleaning spell on the dishes..." she quickly looked at Ha- him. Grabbing the arm which held his wand gently.

"Harry. Listen. It's ok. Please lower your wand nothing bad is happening." She said to him. Trying and failing to get the tense man to relax.

I backed away. "Maybe I should get going..."

"If you don't mind staying a bit. To speak to you. But for now you should go with the kids while I calm him down. I did as she said. My mind racing the whole time. Potter still won't stop looking at me. It's as though I scare him. As if he can't figure out what's going to come of me. Did he carry his wand with him tonight thinking I'd attack? Why is he so...on edge?

I saw the kids playing in a room with the lights on and door open. A film playing on a small boxy tv.

My son ran towards me excitedly as I entered the room. "Look dada he has the same dino as me!" He waved a plastic dinosaur in my face. His features showing such wonder and enjoyment.

"Yeah? That's amazing." I told him with a smile. "Come on, lets keep playing." I said as Scorpius started pretending that the dinosaur was walking on a carpet city. Teddy then came up to me with his toy car. His hair color had changed since dinner, along with some small facial features. Do you want to play with us?"

I figured it would be good to get my mind off of why Harry... has been so odd. "Of course! Hand me a toy."

As soon as I began dragging a toy truck back and forth on the carpet city, Teddy asked me: "what was momma like?"

I was stumped. How did I never get to know Nymphadora?

"We never were around each other much."

"But aren't you Family?" He asked. Little bugger is so curious.

"Yes. But we didn't live together or anything...she was older than me." I settled on that as my poor excuse for allowing my parents to hate her simply because she loved a warewolf....and was in the order.....and did not follow the dark-

"Malfoy..." Said Weaslette softly from the door. I turned to her in acknowledgement before telling the boys I was going to go 'play with the adults now'. I got up and fixed myself before allowing her to lead me downstairs. Harry wasn't there...Potter.

She gestured for me to sit on the couch before doing so herself. She wore a tired expression.

"Malfoy... about Harry. Ever since the war, He's changed quite a bit." I listened intently. Nodding for her to continue.

"You see. He has some... issues. That have sprouted or worsened because of what happened." She looked down towards her lap and seemed to be struggling to find words. I waited patiently and quietly for her.

"He's just." She looked up at me for the first time in this conversation.

"Just be careful around him. Don't pull out your wand unannounced. And try to stay calm whenever you're around him..." she swallowed hard. I waited a bit before figuring this is where I need to say something.

"I understand. Don't worry... I promise I mean no harm..."

"No. I know. I was weary 10 years ago when he told me he'd testify in your favor. He believes you're a good person. We both do. It's just his mind is all..." she made a gesture with her hand.

"Where is he?" I asked. Suddenly very curious.

"I sent him to bed. If you want you can stay here a bit longer or go. I don't mind."

"Well, we'll see each other on Saturday won't we. So I guess I'd better get going for tonight."

"Alright."

"Thank you for having us." I said.

"Of course. It was nice. To think things between us all might improve."

I went upstairs to gather Scorpius before bumping into Potter- looking disheveled with tear streaks down his face, shaking, and holding to himself; a pillow and blanket. My breath caught in my throat and my body filled with concern.

"P-" I started

"Ginny I think I need the guest room tonight." He said tiredly and kept going past me to a room on the opposite side of the hall without another word. Did he think I was his wife or did he just not care?

I turned to Ginny and she only nodded then looked down. "Scorpius say goodbye!"

"Aw man. Bye Teddy."

"Bye"


	7. Chapter 7

-Harry POV-

I got to the guest room- where I found I had been sleeping more often than not- and lay in the bed.  
God. I can't believe I let that happen. My mind just took me over. I feel stupid. I can't look at her _or_ Malfoy in the eyes now without remembering how ridiculously I'd behaved. my wrists began to itch and sting. I felt like I needed it. Deserved it. But I didn't want to move. So I hugged myself.

Slowly I became a small ball under the covers and I tried to squeeze my arms to get rid of that nagging feeling. My breaths quickened as I began to cry silently; squeezing myself tighter. As if I was trying to comfort myself, when the truth is, I was trying to stop myself from going and marking myself up. My body shook as I curled tighter crying more. I can't believe Hermione saw me earlier. That I seemed like a shell of myself at dinner. That I'd allowed Malfoy's simple gesture of assistance to tip me over the edge. Before I knew it, I'd fallen asleep that way.

-Draco POV-

I went to my room after tucking in Scorpius. Harry's disheveled look etched in my consciousness. He looked defeated, yet extremely guarded about it. As though he couldn't admit that he'd let himself down.

His wife's words kept bouncing about my head. _Issues... what issues did he have?_ She mentioned that some sprouted and others had just worsened... but I don't remember him anything like that in school. I put on my pajamas and got in bed. _Why did Harry leave from his room to the spare? It doesn't seem he's having trouble with Ginny or anything. Besides wouldn't he want her if he was feeling bad?_ My head was heavy and my mind was racing. I tried to fight off sleep, yet found the idea of succumbing more and more appealing. My last thoughts being: I will figure out what happened.

-Harry POV-  
—4 days later—

I woke to somebody gently shaking me. That somebody being Ginny.   
"Harry remember your medicine please. With food. I have to go off to work early today. And I may be back late as well." I nodded as I turned to face her and groaned. 

"Remember Teddy's tutor gets here at 8. Ok?" I nodded again, still half asleep. "Alright. It's 6:30. Remember to call me if anything." I nodded again. Not having the energy to speak yet. "Goodbye."

I lay in my bed silently looking at nothing in particular. Then my vision wandered towards my arm. Specifically the one in front of me. I traced down all the old lines as though mentally feeling them. I closed my eyes tightly as they watered and turned my head towards the ceiling. I took a tired breath. I don't know how I'll survive the day when I'm like this as soon as I awoke. I figured I should try to go back to sleep since I knew I had an hour until I had to wake Teddy. Maybe that's what I need in order to feel better. Just a nap.

-Draco POV-

It's around midday when I allowed Scorpius a break from his school work to eat lunch. I have him homeschooled because I don't want to risk his magic setting off in public, surrounded by Muggles. I haven't really taught him much. Just small things using my wand. I'm not quite sure what will happen when he turns 11. I might home school him, or he will go to Hogwarts back in London or Ilvermorny in this country. I'm not sure if I can go back. I don't have a proper home up there and I'm definitely not returning to the manor. There's too much that has happened within those walls. I sighed at the thought. As I was watching him play on the swing set in the backyard my mind wandered back to Scarface and his unusual behavior. I looked at my watch and noticed it had been an hour

"Scorpius! Let's finish up your school work for the day"

"Ok dada!"

He ran towards the door to re-enter the house and I opened it for him.

"Can I go potty?" He asked

"Yeah let's go." I still watch him to make sure he doesn't go making a mess of the bathroom. As we enter into to turn on the light and realize it doesn't work. I sighed realizing I need to buy more lightbulbs. When Scorpius finished up I got the small ladder to unscrew the old one and take it with me to buy a matching one. "Scorpius I'm going to have the neighbors watch you for a bit I need to get a new light ok?"

"Alright."

At this I walked out the front door- not forgetting my keys- and made my way next door. I knocked quickly and soon enough Maria- my neighbor- answered the door.   
"Hi dear how are you?"

"Hello Maria. I'm good. Do you think you could watch Scorpius for a bit while I run to the hardware store?"

"Oh of course. I'll be over right now just let me put on my shoes."

"Thank you. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Take all the time you need dear. I love spending time with the little child. He's so sweet."

I chuckled lightly. "Thank you." I saw as she opened my front door. I gave the two a wave and got in the car and left.

-Teddys Tutor POV-

I stood in the kitchen trying to find an apple for Teddy who'd asked for one. Harry said he was going to stay in his home office for the day- that he was busy. I didn't mind at all, it had happened more than once in the past. I mean of course he's bound to be quite busy at times. he's Harry Potter. Even the American wizards know what he did. I found an apple and now went through the drawers to find a peeler when I came across a 7-day pill organizer and curiously recognized that today's- Friday- was not empty.   
"Teddy. Does your uncle Harry take medicine?"

"Well he says only sometimes. But yeah."

"Did you see him do that today?"

"No"

I heard a clattering sound from upstairs.

"Teddy why don't you stay right here I'm going to check up on him really quickly."

-Harry POV-

I have been in bed all day. I'm tired, I haven't eaten or drank a thing. And I'm trying really hard right now to not let myself panic or at least not loudly. Unfortunately in that process a wave of overwhelming nausea hit me and I almost fell over getting to the bathroom. I got in, locked the door and allowed myself to spill last nights dinner. After that rather unpleasant endeavor I felt like more of a pile of shit than previously. I found myself sitting sprawled out in the corner by the toilet recollecting myself when I heard a knock at the door.

"Harry are you all good in there?" Teddys teaching assistant.

"Y-Yeah. I'm fine. Why don't you go ahead and get on home. Please." I said with a little too much effort.

"Are you sure you don't need me to stick around?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Thank you."

"Alright. By the way; There's medicine in the kitchen. I'm not sure if it's yours but if it is then you forgot to take it."

"Thank you." I gripped my head which was spinning painfully.

-Draco POV-

I got back into the car with multiple new light bulbs. I wasn't about to go to the hardware store every time I needed a new one. I noticed my phone began ringing. It was Potter's wife.

"Yes?" I said

_"I need you to pass by the house please. Teddy's tutor called me. He said that there was a clattering noise and the smell of vomit. He was told to leave before finding out what was wrong._ "

"The kid?!"

_"No! Harry. I can't go. There's a patient that entered the Emergency Room as I got the call."_

"You're a doctor?"

_ "A nursing assistant." _

"Oh. well sure. I'll be right over."

She hung up and I turned the car on and entered their address before heading over. As I pulled into the driveway I observed the house. Nothing looked like it was on fire. Actually It looked like nothing was wrong. I called my house phone.

_ "Hello?" _

"Hi Maria. There's a lot of traffic out here. I think I'll be a bit."

_ "Ay that's fine! Don't you worry. You son is here watching television with me." _

"Thank you. I owe you."

_ "Nonsense. I'll see you soon." _

I walked up to the front door. Worry consuming me. What could have happened to have Wea- Ginny this worried? After all, Potter is a grown man. I knocked on the door and waited for an answer. After not receiving one I knocked again. Nothing. _Why isn't he answering?_

Suddenly, it hit me. I'm a wizard. I pointed my wand to the front door and cast "alohomora" the door clicked open and I still couldn't believe I hadn't done that sooner. I walked in to the house slowly and cautiously. I saw Teddy- with now blue hair and looking taller- in the living room with the TV on and his school work set aside.

"Hi Teddy. How are you?"

He turned to me and his eyes lit up. "Hi! Is Scorpius here?"

"No. He's at home finishing school work." His face wasn't as excited anymore. "How has your day been?" I asked, to make sure he was okay.

"Good. Boring. Uncle Harry only woke me up and fed me breakfast. Then when Mr. Matt got here, Uncle Harry said he was going to his office upstairs."

"Is he still there? Can you tell me where that room is?"

"I think so. It's the door left when you go upstairs."

"Alright Teddy. Now you stay here and keep watching TV ok?"

"Okay!" He continued his attention to the program seemingly without another thought. I headed upstairs in the direction Teddy said. I opened the door and saw a room with two owls, a messy desk, and a computer. No Potter. I looked around wondering where he could possibly be. I saw the light in one room turned on. I walked that way, took my wand out and whispered "alohomora" , putting my wand away before opening the door.


	8. Chapter 8

—trigger warning, self harm—

I don't think I could ever get the sight out of my head. He had small red lines down his arms. His knees to his chest, his breaths came out almost as small wheezes from struggling to stop crying. His head rested on his crossed arms and he was gripping the knees of his jeans with his hands. His glasses were on the sink counter and the smell of sick violated my nostrils.

I went down to him cautiously. There was a small razor blade by my knees where I knelt down and I moved it aside- away from him. My voice was quiet and gentle.

"Hey, hey. I'm here." I don't know how knowing Draco Malfoy was here would help calm him down. but I truly didn't know exactly what to do. I took notice that he didn't react to my words. Now; I know he's conscious, but he's probably too mentally drained to respond. I took a cautious hand on his clenched one trying to coax him to loosen his grip. Soon enough my other arm was wrapped around him.

"Harry. Take deep breaths please. I need you to let go and let me see your arms clearly... please."

He took a deep breath in and it caught. I spoke again. "That's it. In.....Out....." We were in a sort of sideways hug and I caressed his arm softly.

I tried to assure him. "Everything is going to be ok." I felt his shoulders jerk as he continued to cry quietly.

"It's alright...Don't worry. You're okay."

He sucked in a breath. I removed my arm from around him when he lifted his head and rubbed his eyes. His hands lingered on his face as he leaned into them. I couldn't help but stare with a sorrow ridden expression. My heart ached for him. He let out another strangled cry. "Don't be afraid to let it come out freely... I can tell your trying to stop it."

It was silent again. The silence wasn't like last nights awkward dinner. It was different. There was a depressing atmosphere that surrounded us.

"I'm just....so weak... to allow myself to..." He said as another cry escaped him.

"I don't want to continue living the way I do. But I can't do anything. I have Teddy... I" He let out another breath.

"You are probably the strongest person I know... Potter... Life... it's not fair. But It's all we've got. We need to learn to get through it."

"Every time I figure something out I'm thrown another circumstance" He said as his voice cracked.

"I guess life has it's way of doing that." He let out a small laugh at my statement.

Gently I grabbed his arm closest to me- he let me. I saw what he'd done both today and in the past. They went in all different directions. It wasn't anything slow or steady, but rather in the midst of intense emotional turbulence.

"Come on. Let me clean you up." I got up and held out my hand to help him. as I hoisted him up he sniffled. He looked down towards the un-flushed toilet and flushed it. I saw air freshener under said toilet and grabbed it to spray.

"Would you like me to leave you to a shower? I'll wait wherever you ask."

"Yes. Please. Just wait in my room to the left of this one."

"Alright." I turned to leave before remembering the razor blade. I turned back around and bent over to pick it up. He eyed me carefully and I could tell the blade was causing tension. As I almost stepped out, he spoke, stopping me.

"It's not possible you can leave that? I took it from Teddy's pencil sharpener...He kind of needs it."

I paused. "We'll speak about it. For now It seems Teddy is going to start writing with a pen or quill." With that, I left the bathroom and closed the door, headed to the room he told me to wait in. _Potter? Hurting himself?_ It was a lot to take in. It's nothing I'd have ever assumed and I've known him for at least seven years.

-After the shower-

Harry walked in in a towel. as much as my mind wanted to admire, I couldn't. Not only is he married, but there were scars along his back and torso as well. Except these didn't look self inflicted. They looked deep and old. I sat in thought. Just how little did I know about him? How could he have more than just his lightning bolt scar? My mind left the subject when he had a shirt on. He looked at me as if to silently ask me to turn away. I did.

"Ok. I'm dressed." I turned back around.

"Where's your first aid kit?"

"I don't need that. They'll heal with time."

"They'll heal faster if you let me tend to them.." I said. He looked at me, a look of internal debate stuck in his eyes.

"You don't want them to heal?" I asked, scared of the answer, though I didn't let that show on my face. He opened his mouth immediately like he had an answer to that, but he quickly closed it.

"I... I'll get it." He said. This was a horrible moment to be grateful for having worn a red shirt, because I have a feeling I'd already have a small stain or two.

He came back with a roll of gauze, cotton balls, nursing tape, and alcohol and sat on the bed across from me putting the stuff down. I gestured for his arms and he rolled up his sleeves.

As I began tending to them I asked him: "Would you like to talk about it?"

"No."

"Alright. I'll be ready when you do."

When I finished Tending to his wounds I spoke again: "Teddy is down stairs."

"And your son?"

"Don't worry about Scorpius. Please. That's the last thing for you to worry about."

"And Teddy's sharpener?"

"I think I should hand that to your wife." At this he jumped.

"No!... No. Please. She doesn't know I do this."

"How on earth does she not know? Hasn't she ever seen you shirtless? Haven't you two made love?"

He grew uncomfortable at that.

"I... I use a glamour? She doesn't know and you can't tell her." He said, and I looked at him suspiciously, but ultimately decided not to push it.

"Potter-Harry... You're not emotionally stable. You need to tell somebody."

"Well I've told you haven't I?"

"Somebody other than me."

"H-Hermione might have a slight idea."

"What do you mean?"

"She saw the scars yesterday when I had a panic attack. Before you came."

"Okay. But she lives in London with a husband and a daughter... Have you considered telling a medical professional?" I asked carefully

"I have a psychiatrist... I take medicines..."

"Okay...good. When was the last time you saw them?"

"Back in London-"

"For Merlin's sake Potter... Have you at least stayed up to date with taking them?"

"Yes... I just forgot today... and a few days earlier... why am I telling you this?"

"It's okay, I'm not judging. I only want to help you-"

"Just stop! Stop talking... stop." He said in a flustered manner. I immediately shut up. He took a few deep breaths before speaking again:

"I... I don't need help. I'm perfectly fine.."

"We both know that's not true..."

"Please... stop talking. Just stop. Stop please... I can't..." He slouched and looked down towards his lap as if he wanted to become a ball and his hands gripped his head. His eyes screwed shut.

I had to stop to study him as he struggled for breath. It was obvious this topic was incredibly sensitive and not one he was willing to open up about. We stayed in silence for a while. It felt like forever that I was sitting examining what to say or not say.

I looked at the time and realized I'd been out of the house for a little over an hour. I had to get back to Scorpius. I got up slowly. My eyes still haven't left him. He's obviously more calm now, but still frustrated.

"I have to get home... so I'll see you around... okay?" I eyed him wondering if this was the right thing to do. He didn't respond for a second, then he got up and went towards me. We made eye contact and held it for a bit.

"Y-yeah. I'll see you around I guess... I-m..." he seemed as though he didn't know if he really wanted to say what he was about to say. The next thing I know he has his arms around me in a hug. It wasn't a fast thing in the spur of the moment though. He did it slowly. It felt like he had a mixture of fear and sadness. I on the other hand was internally panicking at how I was supposed to respond to this. I needed to keep my heart rate down but for some reason, I couldn't. I returned the hug carefully, worried it wasn't right. I was about to close my eyes and lean into it, with slight worry upon myself over my actions, however, just then, he let go and went back to his original place 2 feet in front of me. Then, something that caught me off guard, he laughed slightly.

"Your face looks funny." He said with a small smile.

I wasn't even really paying attention to my own face I was so caught up in everything. I just looked at him. And a small smile formed on myself too.

"Go take care of Teddy, alright? I'll see you on Saturday for their play date."

"Yeah."

"Bye. Remember to take the medicine."

I turned out the bedroom door to head downstairs and P-Harry followed close behind. I turned to the kitchen and stopped at the island.

"Aren't you going?" He asked me.

"I want to make sure you take this." I replied gesturing towards the pill organizer on the counter. He sighed and his expression fell to one of tiredness. I went to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottled water, watching him take 2 pills.

"Thank you... goodbye. Bye Teddy." I said. Then, I went out the door and back home.


	9. Chapter 9

—that night, during dinner—

-Harry POV-

I found out that Teddys tutor called Ginny, who called M-Draco. And that's why he showed up. I'm not going to lie, I'm grateful for that, but I can't help but feel like it was a significant deviation in his daily activities.  
"Harry are you sure everything is all right?" Said Ginny, removing me from my thoughts.

"Yes Ginny I promise. It was only a small fit."

"And you remembered your medicine right?"

"Yes." Her question made my mind trail back to him and how he didn't leave until I'd taken them.

"Teddy's teacher said that there were medications on the counter. Are you sure you remembered-"

"Yes. Malfoy made sure I took them." I snapped before looking down, suddenly not wanting to finish my food.

"Can I be excused? I'm sorry it's just-"

"Go ahead... Harry, You know we only want to help you. Right?" She said gently. But it just made the nervous energy build up in me more.

"Yes. I'll be in the room." I got up and left Ginny and Teddy at the table.

Today overall has been quite horrible for me between not eating and laying in the bed of the guest room the whole day until my 'little fit'. I panicked and I couldn't stop it, one thing led to another and it became a nervous breakdown, and that caused me to relapse... he helped me through it. Malfoy sat with me and comforted me, tended to the disaster on my arms and tried to help me... Ginny doesn't do that... but it's not that she doesn't care. It's just I never let her, and after several years she just let it be. It's not her fault either; I just really don't want to bother people with my problems. Malfoy found me in such a state that I couldn't even process what was going on until it was too late and I just let it be... but even then, is it the wisest decision to let him in?

—-Saturday —-  
—Draco POV—

I walked into the room careful not to make noise. I kneeled by his bed and saw how peacefully he was sleeping.

"Wake up sleepy head." I said as I shook him.  
"Today is your play date!"

At this Scorpius jumped up as though he were never asleep.

"Can I bring toys?" He asked excitedly.

"Of course. Just make sure you don't lose them." I said with a smile. Ginny and I agreed late last night that it would be easiest if we came by floo and that was quite convenient. I won't need to be driving around that way. After eating breakfast with Scorpius and helping him get ready, then getting ready myself, we flooed over to the Potters residence.

"Scorpius! Hi!" exclaimed Teddy, sprinting towards us. "Look what I can do!!!!!" He then shut his eyes tight and changed the color of his hair from bright blond to pink at will. He usually did that subconsciously.

"Woah! That's cool! Look, I have toys to play with!" Said Scorpius.

"Awesome!"

I looked up towards the adults standing closely behind.

"Good morning, Ginny, Potter. I see the young one is getting a better grip on his magic... he's like his mother."

"Yes. It's quite remarkable, actually. I still don't get it." Said Harry with a slight smile. He seemed better today. I still observed him closely.

The kids went outside to play in the grass and with Scorpius's toys.

"So! Would you like some tea? or something to eat?" Said Wea-Ginny heading towards the kitchen.

"Tea would be nice, thank you. How is work at the hospital?"

"Busy as ever. Sometimes I still find myself holding back from telling patients to take a potion. Magic really does make things easier. But here in the muggle world they've figured out how to manage and it's quite stunning."

I nodded while taking a seat next to Po-Harry, who had already sat down, and began to respond to Ginny who was turned making the tea.

"It really is isn't it. They lead pretty complex lives to tell the truth. Without magic to make things easier. But it is quite amazing how they've figured it all out."

I noticed Harry seemed to be subconsciously scratching his arms. I moved my hands over to him to stop him by moving his hand away from his arm. Kind of like how I nudge Scorpius' hands down away from his face to get him to stop biting his nails.

He glanced at me before folding his hands and putting them on the table.

"So, how has Scorpius been?" Asked Ginny as she turned to sit and place the kettle down in front of us with cups.

"He's great. He hasn't been able to stop talking about today. He practically jumped out of bed this morning."

"Teddy is the same." She said. She glanced towards her husband opposite her, causing me to look as well. He was zoned out.

Ginny cleared her throat. "So, Harry. Teddy's studies with the tutor have been going well?"

At this his head snapped up. "Yeah. Teddy is great, the tutor is good at teaching him... he's learning to add and subtract fractions now."

"Good." Said Ginny, appearing accomplished for getting him to engage. It seemed as though it was my turn to ask a question so I went back to the topic of muggles.

"So Potter, living with muggles most of your life, what was it like? How were things, you know, controlling your young magic? How did they come about teaching you about Hogwarts?"

Harry looked down tensely and was back at his arms.

"It was quite simple really. They didn't teach me, and controlled the magic by... their own means. Hagrid was the one who introduced me to everything shortly before 1st year"

The air went tense. Goodness he's terrible with conversation. Suddenly Ginny looked outside with wide eyes.

"Don't play with the hose!" She got up and went to the kids outside, leaving the two of us briefly. 

"So... how are you today?" I said quite awkwardly.

"I'm quite fine." He said shortly, still picking at his arms. I swatted his hands away from them.

"Stop that. You're going to make it worse."

"They itch."

"Well stop it. It's harmful."

"Well don't you think I know that?"

The room was uncomfortably silent. He then spoke again:

"Shouldn't you go help with your son?" He asked sharply.

"Oh what and you get a free pass from your godson?" I replied

We both angrily shot up and went outside to help Ginny with the kids.

"Teddy, what's happening?" Said Potter exasperatedly.

"We wanna play with the hose and Aunt Ginny won't let us!" Teddy whined.

I then stepped in "well if you want to play with the hose you need to speak to us about it so we can help you."

"Thank you." Said Wea-Ginny in a slightly agitated mood.

"I'll be inside..." said Potter. We both looked at him as if to ask why, but he just put his hands at his upper arms and backed into the house.

"He's been weird like that since yesterday... more than usual." Said Ginny with a sigh. I don't know why. He won't tell me what happened. She glanced past the indoors to make sure Harry wasn't there listening.

"Was there anything bad that happened? Something he didn't tell me?" I froze. I don't even know what he told her...

"What did he tell you happened yesterday?" I asked cautiously.

"That's the problem! He keeps saying it was just a small fit that nothing bad happened and that he only threw up because of some bad food he ate earlier. But he's not acting like his usual self." She let out an exasperated sigh. "Are you sure nothing happened? Nothing I should know?" I studied her expression of worry and curiosity while Po-Harry's words from yesterday echoed in my head:

_ "No!... No. Please. She doesn't know I do this." _

Should I tell her and risk betraying his trust? Just then I heard a small scream in the direction of the yard.

"Dada it hurts!! Fix it! I'm dying!!" Scorpius whined.

I came over to him as he clutched his knee on the floor.

"Oh come on let me see it can't be that bad." I told him.

"It is!! There's blood everywhere!" He cried.

"Oh come on.. let me see." I said in unamused disbelief.

He whimpered as he uncovered his knee to reveal a small scrape.

"Oh Scor... this is nothing! You'll be fine. You just need a small washing up and I'll heal you right up."

I pulled out my wand letting out a small chuckle as I recalled how dramatic my son is being. I used to be the same.

"Episky... See? Nothing to worry about! You're as fit as a fiddle. Now go on."

—Harry POV—

After I backed into the house I immediately turned to a more private place to stop and think. Why is Malfoy making me feel this way. I get this feeling like I'm going to embarrass myself or something. Why do I just want to go and hug him again so I can feel better? It's not normal... I don't like this I don't know what this is. My mind continued to bombard me with questions as I sat around. Before I knew it I head a voice, Ginny's

"Harry! Lunch!"

"Coming!" I said. I hoisted myself from the bed and fixed myself. Suddenly I was nervous I might not look presentable. I brushed it off and went down to join Malfoy, Ginny, and the kids for lunch.


	10. Chapter 10

-5 days later-

—Harry POV—

It's been about a week since Teddy and Scorpius had their play date. The Malfoys came for dinner yesterday, Thursday, and the kids gleefully watched children's films until it was time for them to part ways. It's quite interesting how they get along so quickly and easily. The 3 of us are getting used to being around each other now. There's always an awkward encounter, especially more between Malfoy and I. I've only had one fit all week, that being on Tuesday. Ginny and I had gotten into an argument about me being involved in the family. Today, Ginny had the day off so we spent it helping Teddy with his studies. Now it was around 5 o'clock and I'm sitting on the couch with Teddy helping him read a book titled Big Nate. Soon enough, Ginny walked in from upstairs.

"Harry, can we speak?" I looked up at her in acknowledgment and left Teddy to continue reading his book before headed upstairs towards her. She led me into our room before closing the door and turning the light on.

"Harry, promise not to be upset about this please... I think we should attend marriage counseling... so we can work on us. And don't worry about finding someone or anyone, my friend at work knows somebody, and I called him. There's an opening on Saturday morning...if you're willing. I mean I think it would be a good thing to try, maybe it can help us."

she spoke in a rushed and nervous tone, her voice dropping slightly as she reached the end of her statement. I stood there for half a second. I don't think it would be so horrible. maybe Ginny is right, maybe we need this. Maybe it'll help me figure out what's happening to me whenever Draco and Ginny are around at the same time. How I don't seem to notice her as much when he's around..

"Alright.. I agree with you. Maybe this can help us." I took a deep breath. Maybe this will fix whatever is going through my mind right now on top of everything else.

"Thank you." She gave me an awkward hug, which I returned, then swiftly left the room.

—Saturday Morning—

I awoke next to Ginny and groaned when realizing today I had to confront whatever this guy was going to figure out about us.

We got ready and ate in silence.

"Who's going to watch Teddy?" I asked while tying my shoes.

"Mr. Frazier is being paid as if it were a day of instruction."

"Who?" I asked, confusion clear upon my face.

"Mr Matt Frazier? Teddy's tutor that comes here 5 times a week!"

"Oh... I don't think I ever learned his name... sorry."

She only let out a sigh. "Take my hand." She said, I did, and we both apparated a block away from a small building in the city with the words Savannah Georgia Counseling Center. I let go of her hand and began fiddling with the sleeve of my shirt as we entered the building. I took a seat in the waiting room and Ginny walked to the receptionists desk.

"There's a 9:00 appointment for Potter? First names Ginny and Harry." I heard her say. My head was kept low and my leg rapidly bounced up and down from anxiety. I saw her sit down next to me, she also seemed a bit nervous. I could tell from the way she looked around everywhere, but to someone who doesn't know her, she'd seem perfectly fine. Spending your entire life around someone helps you learn things.

"Potter?" I heard a man say. My eyes shot up and the both of us stood and let him lead us to a room with a desk, chair, and couch in it. It was nicely decorated too, it was meant to help you feel comfortable, I guess.

"Hello I'm doctor Bravo. How are you guys doing today?"

"Good." I replied shortly, already beginning to feel uncomfortable.

"Ginny and Harry. Just like the book." I heard him mumble under his breath with a chuckle while getting papers organized. He then turned to us. "I understand the two of you are here today for a reason, so let's get right to it. What seems to be concerning you?"

At this, Ginny spoke: "We've been married for 8 years, but we've known each other since childhood. We're raising his godson together as well...."

"That's nice, what's his name?"

"Teddy. A nice boy really... the problem is though, Harry has never really been part of it all... if that makes sense. He's always anxious or sad and he keeps himself locked away. He never engages in conversation unless he's addressed... it hurts..." we glanced at each other. Guilt came through me. I really am quite unfair to her and Teddy. I don't deserve everything Ginny has done for me, and I never repay her. I sucked in a breath.

"Okay, thank you for that Ginny. And Harry, what are your thoughts on what she said?"

"She's absolutely right. I'm not going to hide it. It makes me feel quite awful every time that I recognize how unfair I am..." I swallowed hard. My leg bouncing up and down. "She doesn't deserve the lack of attention I give her..." I found myself struggling to maintain myself in the room. The ticking of the clock kept ringing through my head rather unpleasantly.

—Ginny POV—

"Every time things get uncomfortable he leaves the room. He just leaves. He doesn't bother to talk or voice whatever's concerning him. He's had problems all his life, yes, but he could still function normally. Ever since the war though..." I looked at my lap.

"War?" Asked the Doctor with an odd glint in his eyes. I responded quickly:

"A...small, civil war. Occurred where we grew up, in the UK... he fought in it. We both did. But he lost so many people... his parents, godparents, his godson's parents, even teachers from our school and other students too... it was horrific.." I wiped a tear in remembering the tragedies that occurred.

In a broken whisper I continued:  
"We lost my brother... My other brother got his ear completely removed... people died left and right... but everyone placed their trust and hope on Harry... they call him the boy who lived..." I sniffled and wiped a tear, looking at him. The doctor held an expression that I could only see as knowing shock, but it couldn't be that. I'm sure I've just told him the most difficult to believe story anyway. Nothing he's ever heard before.

—Harry POV—

As Ginny spoke I painfully remembered everyone who fought and died. Everyone I couldn't save, who are gone because of me. Sirius, Professor Snape, Lupin, Fred, Tonks, Dobby, Cedric, Dumbledore, my parents... I found it increasingly difficult to not cry, and felt as though I was reliving each death over again. My chest swelled making it feel like I was deprived of all oxygen in the room. I shut my eyes. I couldn't take it. I took the last bit of ability to speak clearly to stand and say "I'll be going now."

It was obvious to the other two in the room I was distressed. I stormed out of the establishment desperately trying to keep awareness of my surroundings, yet failing miserably. I went into an alleyway. I needed to apparate somewhere safe. I couldn't keep a location in mind and I let my magic just take me _somewhere safe_. As soon as I felt myself land I took out my wand and urgently cast "muffliato" to silence the room. In an instant I let my wand clatter to the ground as I lowered myself, I let my tears flow freely and let escape a heart-wrenching scream that held all of my pain and guilt.

I just let myself scream and cry, my body shuddering at each sob and each desperate attempt for air. I let my curled up self fall and now lay on the floor, yet I didn't care... I needed to let everything out. I screamed again and let my arms viciously scratch at each other. There was another unfamiliar pair of arms trying to wrap around me, trying to get me to stop, I didn't register it at all. I felt like I was stuck in a black void and my body on fire, a storm of emotions flooded through me and I couldn't notice that somebody was there urgently trying to calm me down.

—Draco POV—

I sent Scorpius to go play after our breakfast. This morning felt quite calm, like any other Saturday. I Decided to go to my room and read a novel I had there. About one chapter later however I was startled by the popping sound of appiration. Harry stood in my room in extreme distress with his eyes screwed shut in pain. He took out his wand and shouted a silencing spell on the room before allowing it to fall and he lowered himself into a ball while letting out a heartbreaking scream of pure pain. My initial confusion was replaced with overwhelming concern as I got up and went to him.

"Harry, Harry talk to me. I'm here." He let out another scream which morphed into tired and labored sobs as he dug his nails into his arms, he let himself fall to the floor.

"Hey. Hey stop that." I found myself attempting to get his hands away from his arms as he continued to sob.

"It hurts so much... it hurts. I need it all to stop." He said in a broken voice as he continued to let himself cry. His body shaking every time.

"I've got you. Don't worry, you're okay. You're going to be okay." Soon enough I was sitting on the floor holding him tightly. I felt if I let go he'd vanish.

"You're alright... I have you, we're going to get you better. Please relax... take breaths with me." I let his head rest on my chest so he could feel my deep breathing and my relaxed heart rate.

"I can't live without the guilt consuming me Draco... It eats me alive... I can't, he should have killed me." He cried

Painful understanding dawned on me as I realized he was talking about the War... about Voldemort.

"He should have won..." his voice broke and he couldn't continue speaking. So, he continued to cry. And I let him.

"shh... it's okay... don't worry. I'm here for you." I closed my eyes and continued to hug him into me.

Every sob of his sent shivers down me, they shook me to my core. It reminded me of how I felt in 6th year. Except now that I'm better, now that I can get up in the morning without feeling like I deserve to die, I can help Harry, because I understand it now.


	11. Chapter 11

—Ginny POV—

  
"Thank you for having us" I said, feeling embarrassed. After Harry left, Doctor Bravo told me something that I was upset for not thinking myself:

"He seems deeply disturbed by this war you spoke about. It's quite obvious he has PTSD. And from his constant fidgeting I can assume he has a form of anxiety.....now I don't really know enough to diagnose him, but, I think if he gets the help he needs, your relationship will fix itself. The problem isn't so much the two of you. It's him, he hasn't moved on from everything."

"Oh he is diagnosed, doctor. He takes medicine for anxiety and depression."

"Well his medications need to be changed, coupled with therapy, or both."

"Thanks..." I looked down in deep thought. At least I know that our relationship is less of a problem than I thought.

"Well, our time is up. Call me if you want to make another appointment."

"Thank you." I got up and left. I figured Harry had gone home, but when I apparated I to our living room, Teddy's tutor asked about Harry.

"He's not here?" I asked.

"No. Would you like me to ring him up?" Asked Mr. Frazier

"No. No it's fine. He must've gone somewhere to breathe..." I looked around.

"Understandable. Well, I'll be going now." He said.

"Here." I handed him his pay. "Thanks for watching Teddy."

"Anytime! Thank you for giving me the opportunity."

—Draco POV—

It's been a half hour and we are sat in the same place on the floor with him leaning on my chest in fetal position. I was half mindedly playing with his hair. He's calmed down significantly, though I can still feel him trembling very slightly. Every once in a while he would quite audibly let out a short exhale.

I didn't dare speak, I didn't want to ruin the moment. I only closed my eyes and leaned into the wall behind us. It was after a moment that I heard Scorpius's loud footsteps coming towards the room. 

"Dada!" He spoke through the door. "Can we eat lunch?"

"Yes, I'll be right there, just give me a minute." I answered. I looked down at Harry and saw noticed he'd been staring blankly for a while. "Hey. Do you want to eat with us?"

"I'm really not that hungry." He replied numbly as he forced himself up. I began to get up as well.

"Well, let's at least get you hydrated yeah?" I asked, giving him a hopeful look. He only nodded, keeping his gaze down.

"I'm sorry about what I did earlier..." He started, but I quickly interjected:

"Please don't apologize for your feelings. All I care to do is help you, really."

  
He rubbed his face. "let's go get that water." He went towards the door and opened it before remembering this isn't his house. I led him towards the kitchen.

"Scor, Harry is going to be joining us for lunch."

"Who's that?" He asked curiously before seeing him trailing behind me. "Oh! Okay." He turned back to where he was sitting.

"Fancy a sandwich guys?" I turned to see the two of them as Scorpius responded "Yea!"

Harry looked like he just wanted some sleep. "I'm alright thanks." He said with a polite smile. I turned back around and fixed two sandwiches.

—after the food—

Harry and I were sitting back upstairs in my room.

"Do you want to talk about what happened? What caused it?"

"No... I don't want to do that to you."

"P-Harry I promise that it won't do anything to me except allow me to understand better what's going on." I explained desperately. "Please let me try to help you."

"It was nothing." I stepped closer to him and made him look into my eyes.

"It can't have been nothing. Don't lie for my sake." There was a certain tension I hadn't felt before in the air, the two of us remained in eye lock. He spoke after a few seconds:

"I agreed to go to couples counseling with Ginny, and the topic of conversation shifted over... to..."

"It's ok. You don't have to continue." I understood now what happened. Talking about the war triggers him. I thought about what to say next for a moment.

"Does Ginny know you're here? Shouldn't you go back home so she doesn't worry?"

He didn't answer. "Harry? Does she know where you are?"

"Yes. I mean- no. She doesn't. I needed to leave I couldn't stay anymore I... I don't know."

"You should at least tell her where you are-"

"She'll want me home."

"Oh I'm sure but still you shoul-"

"I don't want to go home tonight."

"Okay... Ginny still needs to know you're here."

"fine... fine I'll..." he sighed.

"Do... do you want me to tell her?"

He nodded hesitantly. "Okay. I will. Don't worry."

I took my phone out, my mind going a million miles per hour. I hadn't realized how deeply everything had affected Harry until 10 years after the fact, and dare I say it, I found out the hard way. I went to his wife's contact and began typing.

Me: Hello, I wanted to let you know that Harry is at my home, and he is safe, and perfectly fine.

Weaslette: Oh thank goodness!! I was worried sick. I'll be right over

Me: I don't think coming is the best idea, he's a bit fragile for lack of a better term

Read: 2:59PM

I looked up at Harry. "She says she's on her way."

"Why?!" He asked, suddenly alarmed.

"Hey, hey relax. You have to realize she's just worried about you. If it means that much I'll tell her you don't want to speak with her at the moment, don't worry."

He slowly nodded.

I got up and left P-Harry in the room, and made sure Scorpius was in his room. Then, I went to the living room waiting for either floo, apparition, or a knock at the door. Soon enough, my fireplace roared to life, revealing a worried Ginny Weasley.

"Hi. Where is he?" She began looking around.

"He's in a bedroom, but, he's told me he really doesn't want to speak with you at the moment. I'm sure you've done nothing wrong, I think he just needs a bit to recollect himself."

"Why doesn't he want to speak with me? He always does this: he runs and hides when it's important." She tried to go past me and I held out my arm slightly.

"He's had a mentally tolling day, I really think we should just respect his wishes right now." I said, trying to reason with her, still keeping a calm face and tone of voice.

"I need to speak with him we need to talk about this about what's going on!" She was getting more agitated by the second.

"Can't you see it's affecting him greatly?" At this point even my voice showed slight agitation. I was growing a bit angry at her persistence.

"It's been affecting him greatly all his damn life!" She screamed in frustration. "All his life he's been struggling and ever since that damned war it's been worse! And now, ten years later! Nothing has changed! Don't you think that's a problem?"

At this point I was fighting hard not to scream back. But my voice showed definite frustration:

"Isn't it obvious to you that the War affected him differently than it did you or me?! Let him be!"

"Let him be? because being the chosen one means he's the only one that suffered?! I lost my brother, almost three of them! I almost lost my father! I understand that he suffered, I did too! Hell, we all did! That gives him no excuse! Families like yours did that to us!-"

I grew incredibly angry at her words and said my next few through gritted teeth:

"Do _not_ Bring my family into this conversation. You have no idea what it felt like being forced to serve Voldemort, being forced to become a death Eater because of my parents and aunt!"

"Oh yes, because it's not like I was being controlled by him for an entire year! Involuntarily helping that- that man! destroy life as we knew it!" She yelled out her words as a tear escaped her eye. She quickly wiped it away.

I went to reply to her: "Everyone suffered because of Voldemort, yes. But Potter was fighting for his life since he was an infant! He lost the chance at a half normal childhood, Ever since he started at Hogwarts he had people trying to kill him, even before that! Hell, I was even a stupid petty bully to him, no doubt making things more difficult. Everyone lost something and or someone during those times, but everyone was affected by it differently! Now some people have noise sensitivities! Others were robbed of their ability to ever cast a Patronus. Imagine being that miserable. Never being able to create a happy enough memory to-" I had to stop and breathe.

"Harry was affected by the war in a different manner than you or I. Yes it's been ten years, and for some it will have been twenty years! Right now though he needs our support! Not you coming into the house screaming about how he must come home."

"He needs to stop running away from the damn past! From me! From Ron and Hermione, from Teddy! He needs to stop trying to run away from life! It isn't going to stop just for him!"

"And I never said it would! I'm not saying I disagree with you either! Yes, it's apparent he has problems. But this that's going on right here right now is not going to help him. Now if you want to continue to scream at me in my own home then I kindly ask you to leave. I have a son who doesn't need to be around that."

I spat out the second to last sentence like venom. Anger coursed through my veins, my only thoughts were of defending Harry. I saw her turn to the front door, she left out, angrily allowing it to shut.

I took a deep breath, willing myself to not let a tear escape. Merlin. Everyone in the house heard our little argument without a doubt. The first thing I thought to do was make sure Scorpius was alright, I don't think he's ever even witnessed an argument, being 6 and living with only one other person meant the worst that would happen is him screaming and crying, which is completely normal for kids his age and younger. I went down the hallway and knocked on his door, signaling that I was about to enter, I saw him with headphones plugged in to a CD player, and playing with toy dinosaurs. He looked up when he saw me and I simply gave him a faint smile before closing the door again, silently grateful that he was lost in his own world and probably never noticed that the Weaslette ever visited.

My next intent was to make sure P-Harry was okay. That argument can't have affected him in any positive way, however, when I entered the room I saw him curled up and sleeping in the corner of the bed, as if he was trying to use as little space as possible. His face showed one of sadness, yet he seemed more at peace than I'd seen him at all since we reentered each other's lives. I decided to lay down myself, that argument, as well as today's events, had taken a bit out of me. I realized how close to the edge Harry was and put him closer to the middle where he wouldn't fall. We fell asleep next to each other.


	12. Chapter 12

—Draco POV—

I awoke around and hour later and found that the two of us were loosely intertwined. I hesitantly got up, not wanting to make for any awkward situations. I grabbed my wand, which I fell asleep with in my pocket, and cast a tempus charm. It was around 5 o'clock when I got Scorpius and began cooking with him, leaving Harry to continue resting.

—--

"Dada I want to do that!"

"No Scorpius, you are not cutting the tomatoes. Just go ahead and stir the pot for me."

"But I always do that. Why can't I do that?" He said, pointing at the knife and tomato in my hands.

"Because it's dangerous, knives are sharp Scorpius, you're 6 years old"

"Nu-uh! I'm 7! I'm a big kid!"

"I'll let you cut the tomatoes another time, okay?"

"Next time?" He said hopefully.

"Another time." I said strictly.

I tossed the tomato slices into the bowl of salad that was prepared, then reached toward the cabinet for 3 bowls to put the soup we made.

"Here you can put the salad bowl on the table." I said as I handed the bowl to Scorpius. "Two hands. Don't let it fall."

I served 3 bowls of soup and set 3 small empty plates on the table, before leaving the kitchen and going down the hall to my room, where Harry is.

I opened the door slowly and quietly, and saw him in the same position as earlier. He hadn't budged since I'd woken up. I knelt beside the side of the bed, facing him. I slowly reached out my hand and shook him gently, then whispered:

"Hey, it's time to eat, come on."

I felt him stir then heard him groan, as he turned to see my face, he responded groggily

"I'm not hungry." His hands reached towards the ceiling.

"You need to eat, I'm telling you to." I told him. To my knowledge he hadn't eaten since breakfast, so I wasn't going to let him finish the day that way.

I got up and headed out of the room. I looked back to see Harry sitting up and stretching. It took everything in me to not stay and wait for him to stand so I could hug him.

I got to the dining room and sat Scorpius down in his usual seat, serving him salad and making sure he could reach his bowl of soup before taking my own seat. He, of course, immediately began eating, I decided to wait though.

Soon enough I saw him coming towards us from the corner of my eye. I looked over to him, allowing a small smile to form on my features.

"There's soup and salad." I said. "Your bowl is served already."

He looked at me before replying: "thank you. You really didn't have to-"

"Of course I did, You're not going hungry in my house." I replied.

We were nearly done with dinner when Scorpius asked to leave the table and I let him. That's when Harry spoke:

"I know what happened earlier."

I looked up at him, confusion on my face.

"I know Ginny came over... I heard you two. I wanted to stay awake but I just-"

"I'm sorry you had to hear that." I said. His face was downcast.

"No. I'm sorry. For getting you into this mess. I don't even know why I apparated here, I wasn't paying attention and I was just-"

"It's alright. I don't mind at all. I do care about you, and you really shouldn't have had to listen to that argument.."

"That argument was nothing less than my fault, if I just hadn't... panicked...

you shave don't you?"

I was quite taken aback by that question. It was just so off topic.

  
"I- well it's obvious isn't it? I don't naturally have a clean face."

"Yeah I guess it is obvious... can you point me to your restroom?"

"Right down the hall..." I said, still thinking about his first question. He stood from the table and put his dishes in the kitchen sink before turning towards the bathroom. I stopped myself from asking if he needed the toilet specifically. I had to trust him at least slightly with private affairs, but I felt uneasy. My hand subconsciously went towards my chin as that same same question lingered in my mind

_"_ _ You don't shave do you?" _

_ "Can you point me to your restroom?" _

Suddenly it hit me like a ton of bricks, my heart raced and I bolted towards the bathroom.

—Harry POV—

Is soon as I locked the door I immediately sucked in a breath, suddenly aware I wasn't breathing properly. I gripped at the sides of my head willing my conscious to stop shouting at me, but with no such luck. I now inhaled rapid and shallow, my arms began with that unbearable itching sensation and I began rummaging around for anything sharp enough to ease my mind and stop my feelings. I felt the tears welling at my eyes and I desperately tried to hold them in, determined to keep myself together.

"Potter! Open the door please, Potter!"

His voice went through me almost as an incomprehensible blur. My breathing quickened. I was shaking almost uncontrollably. I felt like I might break down before I even find the damn razor. I closed and opened my eyes, trying to keep a grip on reality. I found the razor and grabbed it feverishly.

"Alohomora."

Just as quickly as I had gotten the razor, I had someone holding me from behind and grabbing my hand, forcing my grip to loosen around the object. I fought against him as I was painfully thrown back into reality and realized who was doing what, and yanked back into my reasoning for doing what I was about to do just as much. My breathing still rapid, I begged.

"Please, please just let me, please..." I had to suck in a breath.

"Harry you don't know what you're talking about please just stop fighting me." I heard Draco say with a struggling, desperate voice. I replied just as desperately, no longer thinking.

"Please. Please I deserve it, I just need to make everything stop please." Soon enough I couldn't hold my tears back any longer. My futile attempts at fighting grew weaker.

"Please.." I said with a cracked voice. Once again needing to pause and breathe in, though it came out more as a gasp. "I just want it all to stop, I don't want to cause anymore problems please.." I let myself stop fighting and slip into Draco's tight embrace, sobbing and shaking. I whispered one more time: "please"


	13. Chapter 13

—Draco POV—

We sat there for about 15 minutes before Harry had relaxed enough to leave the bathroom. I shakily held his hand the entire way to my room, stopping at Scorpius's first to quickly say goodnight. Harry stayed behind me without a word. When we got to the room I hesitantly let go of his hand in order to change into pajamas. I handed a pair to Harry as well. We wordlessly agreed to face opposite each other while changing, though all I wanted to do at the moment was hold him. I felt like at any given second he'd be gone.

I got in bed and he got in next to me. I daringly went in for a hug, and leaned my head on his chest, adjusting so I can hear his heartbeat... for reassurance. And security. He noticed this obviously.

"What are you doing?"

"I want to feel your heart beat." I replied softly, too mentally preoccupied to stop and assess my newfound courage.

Time passed and I still lay awake and unmoving. Just listening to his heart. Having proof and knowing, feeling, that right now he's okay. I had realized he'd fallen asleep. Harry's hand rested inches in front of me. I carefully reached out to hold it, and gave his hand a soft, feather-light, emotion filled kiss. I sighed, knowing that was probably as close as I'd ever get to being able to kiss him.

—Ginny POV—

I woke up without Harry by my side. As usual as that felt, since he often sleeps in the guest room to be alone, today felt different because I knew he was at Malfoy's, not in our guest room.

—Harry POV—

I woke the next morning with my face tear-stained. I hadn't even realized that I cried in my sleep. But a new thing was, I didn't wake up. I kept my eyes closed and buried myself deeper into this hug with Draco. I let myself find comfort and keep away from my other thoughts and from the nagging itch on my wrists as I heard the gentle thump of his heart and felt the warmth of his embrace that I was becoming more and more familiar with.

Soon, he stirred and I felt him move around as he woke. I only snuggled closer, wanting to stay like this forever. I felt his arms hug me and he allowed himself to lean into me, as I allowed myself to do the same.

"Good morning." Said Draco sleepily. I mumbled a reply, still keeping myself close to him.

"How do you feel?" He asked. I took a second to respond, really not wanting to. I only wanted this warm safety that I was experiencing to stay. I hadn't felt like this in a long time, if ever.

"It itches." I said, hugging him tighter.

"Can I try something?" He asked gently. I nodded into him.

After that, I felt Draco stop hugging me so he could grab my wrists and hold them against his chest, pressing them down.

"The pressure shouldn't hurt you, but can help relieve the feeling, sometimes. Also, the feeling of my calm breathing can help relax you if you feel feverish."

We locked eyes. Draco's eyes were entrancing. All I wanted to do was kiss him.

"Thanks... It is helping." his hands slowly began relieving the soft pressure from my wrists. I took it as an opportunity to hug him tightly. I found it as an acceptable alternative to what I really wished to do, silently cursing at myself for thinking that, especially because of Ginny... God, I really am horrible to her. I shut my eyes right and viciously pushed away my thoughts. I wanted my head to stay empty for now. I just wanted to stay the way Draco and I were right now. Just silent and together.

—Draco POV—

We just laid there for quite a while, both of us seemed to be grateful for the small moment of peace and quiet together. I reached up to play with his hair and he leaned into it, visibly relaxed. It wasn't until another half hour that we heard Scorpius loudly going about the hallway, probably to find out if I'm awake. I internally wished it was just me and Harry. We could stay like this forever without interruption, but alas, I had to get up, and so did Harry. When we were both out of bed I remembered he takes medicine that just so happens to not be here.

"What are you going to do about your medication?" I asked curiously while turning opposite him to change.

"Do I really need to take it? I'll be just fine without it." He replied.

"Yes, you do need to take it. I'm not letting you go without it. It's not worth the risk." I said in a soft stern voice. I thought for a second. Then continued to speak.

"I have an idea." I said, pausing before I continued:

"What if we all eat breakfast together?"

"What do you mean?" Said Harry in confusion.

"All of us... I want to spend time with you..." I paused realizing what I'd just said. "And you need to see Ginny, and you need to get your medicine."

"I don't want to see her without you..." He responded. I would be lying if I said it didn't make my heart skip a beat.

"You will have to stay with her soon enough, it's really not nice to just run off from her." I commented.

"But it wouldn't hurt to have breakfast together... right?" He asked.

"No, not at all." I said. "That's why I suggested it." I stated, becoming more shy about this encounter.

"Alright then." He said. We stayed staring at each other for a moment, the two of us already fully dressed. He quickly went to me and hugged me. I didn't hesitate to return it. We stayed like that for a second before my sons voice broke through the comforting silence.

"Dada! Good morning! Can we eat?" I chuckled lightly at my son's energy before letting go of Harry.

"Good morning, we're going to go eat with Teddy, how does that sound?"

"No wat! Yes!" Was his response, followed by his small footsteps clamoring towards his room.

"I think you should call Ginny." I told Harry. "She may not be the happiest hearing from me."

His look became one of worry and it was clear to me he was nervous to speak to her. I held his hand tightly:

"Don't worry, I'm right here." I told him. He took in a large breath before grabbing his phone from the pocket of his jeans. With shaking hands, he dialed her number.

_ "Hello?" _

"Hi Ginny."

_ "Harry my goodness. How are you?!" _

"I-I'm alright. Hey. Would you like to go and eat breakfast with Teddy and Scorpius and D-Malfoy?"

_ "At our house?" _

I felt his hand squeeze me tighter, I returned it in reassurance.

"Yes."

_ "O-oh. Well, we still need to talk about what happened." _

Another squeeze.

"I-"

He sucked in another breath, still holding my hand, his grip never faltered, but I felt him shaking.

"I know... I- can we not, right now? Please..."

_ "Go ahead and invite Malfoy." _

"Okay. Thank yo-"

The line hung up.


	14. Chapter 14

—Draco POV—

We were all sat at the table at Harry and Ginny's house eating breakfast, well, more the children were eating breakfast. Us adults were stuck in silence with a tension so think you could cut it with a butter knife. Harry and I were sat side by side. Ginny was in front of Harry, and Scorpius was in front of me. Teddy sat on Ginny's other side. I could feel Harry's nerves radiating off of him, it took everything to not show physical affection towards him in front of her. Nobody knew what to say.

I took a bite of food before looking around table. The boys acted and ate as though nothing was going on. I wonder how they can't feel the tension. Then again, maybe that's a good thing. Ginny has half a fork of eggs resting on the plate, her hand lingering around the forks handle. Her eyes were fixed on Harry. You could see the wheels in her head turning, I wonder what it is she thought at that moment. I quickly glanced over to Harry. He wasn't even on the same planet as the rest of us. His hands were folded on his lap, and he stared intensely at the plate in front of him. The plate he'd barely touched.

I looked away quickly, not wanting to draw attention. I kept my head down and took another bite of food.

Ginny cleared her throat before speaking:

"Harry." There was no response from him, I turned in his direction.

"Harry?" She asked again. Still nothing.

She slammed her hands on to the table, pushing herself up. That caught his attention, I know because I saw him jump and look at her. She put her plate in the sink and walked out the front door with her keys, phone, and wand.

His head turned down to his lap. Soon enough, he stormed from the table and up the stairs, I assumed he was going to his room. Now, I was alone with the two kids. The first one to ask a question was Teddy.

"Why are Aunt Ginny and Uncle Harry so mad?"

I sighed. "They had a small disagreement. They will talk and everything will be just fine before you can say pumpkin pasties... why don't the two of you go on and play together in Teddy's room?"

Teddy got up and went towards his room, Scorpius however got up and went towards me.

"Me and Teddy can still be friends right?" I saw the sad look in his face, Teddy is his first friend.

"Of course the two of you will still be friends, don't worry your little head about that. You can always count on me. Okay?" I responded.

"Okay." He gave me a quick tight hug before running upstairs to catch up with Teddy. I felt bad for lying. The truth is I know nothing about Harry and Ginny's relationship and I have no idea if they'll work this out... whatever 'this' is. I got up and put the remaining plates in the sink before casting a quick cleaning spell. Deciding to put the plates away, I first began opening cabinets to find the one where the plates and utensils were kept, thinking about how last night, somebody was by my side in the bed for the first time since Astoria passed. I pulled my thoughts away as something curious caught my eye. I found Harry's medicine organizer, completely full, including the tab that said 'Sunday', which is today. I took the container out before finishing putting everything in it's place. Then, I went upstairs to find Harry and give him his medication and some water.

—Harry POV—

I lay on my bed curled up. There were too many thoughts going through my mind, I was just frustrated and numb. I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything that's happened in the last month, and, I need to figure out what the hell to do about Ginny. Our relationship isn't even fading, it's just getting torn apart. And it's my fault.

I heard the door open and turned my head up slightly to see who it was. What I saw was Draco holding a glass of water and a small handful of something else. I closed my eyes in bother and let my head rest again.

"Your medicine..." He said softly, approaching the bed.

"I don't need it. Besides, I'm tired. I just want to sleep and forget my problems." I said. That really is all I want to do. I just need everything to stop for a while.

"Harry... do you really, truly, think you don't need these?" He asked with concern lacing his tone.

Well I know I need it, it'd be obvious to anyone that I need that shit. I just don't want it. I don't deserve the help anyway. But I wasn't about to tell him that.

"I don't really need it though." I said, turning over to face him.

"I'm going to make sure you keep taking them until I know a doctor has told you otherwise." He said matter-of-factly.

I shut my eyes tight and sat up, grabbing the two pills from his open hand and shoving them in my mouth. He handed a glass of water to me and I took it.

"There." I said. I drew in a long breath.

"You know, you can't avoid her forever..."

"I know. I just couldn't deal with her.., not after yesterday. I know she won't stop until we talk, but that never turns out well. And now I've upset her. I made it worse."

"I'm sure she didn't mean to trigger you yesterday morning... and although things got out of hand yesterday, it is all out of concern for you... because we care so much. I..." he stopped speaking. I know Draco's right. I'm just stupidly procrastinating what I know will be another argument, as if Teddy hasn't heard enough of those at this point.

"W... When she comes back... do you think you could take the kids?" I came to terms with what was bound to happen, and it made the air all the more difficult to inhale. I found myself fighting to not choke up or shed more useless tears.

"T-take then both. To your house. Don't let them know anything is happening." I felt a shiver go down my spine. I already know this isn't going to be much of a better day than yesterday. And it's my fault.

He scooted closer to me. "Are you sure you'll be alright? You're looking a little bit pale..." his voice trailed off. I could barely focus on him because all of my thoughts were stuck on this waiting dread that consumed me.

"I-I'm fine. I just... I don't think this will turn out well, and Teddy has already bared witness to enough arguments. I-" I cleared my throat which seemed to be getting more and more dry.

"I'd rather be safe than sorry when it comes to him, and I've messed up already enough. I just don't..." I swallowed hard at the thought that I might be no better than the Dursley's were to me. I was subconsciously rubbing my wrists at my jeans, rather harshly I guess, because the next thing I know Draco is holding them softly and I felt a lingering violent warmth from my previous action.

"Don't do that." He said softly, almost as if he wasn't sure what else to say. I slightly acknowledged him pressing them to his chest like he'd done earlier this morning. I turned it into a hug though. I needed the calm and steady rise and fall from his breathing to ground me. I felt myself fading away from reality. _Thump._ I closed my eyes and focused on him and how he felt. _Thump._ I tried to keep myself aware of my surroundings and subconsciously hugged him tighter. _Thump._ I only slightly felt him return that. Everything was still and silent. Except for the sound of his breathing and his heart. My eyes closed tighter than previously. _Thump._ I tried to focus on being more aware. This was a very silent and calm type of dread. The kind where you know exactly what's going to happen, and when. The kind where you only had to wait stiffly. _Thump._ I felt myself take in a large, deep breath. I tried to keep myself focused on that. I didn't want to lose track of it. Suddenly I felt Draco softly caressing my hair. I wondered if he'd been doing that the whole time. I enjoyed it. It was relaxing. I let my tightly shut eyes relax a bit and allowed our hug to loosen, becoming more soft. Slowly, he leaned into my ear. I felt his breath tickle me as he said:

"Don't worry. I've got you. Everything will be alright."

And with that he leaned into the hug before letting go. I opened my eyes, only faintly proud that I was able to ground myself before I completely vanished from my own awareness. 

We both jumped at the sound of the front door opening downstairs.

"Harry... we really need to talk." Said Ginny from downstairs. I shot a look at Draco. He grabbed my hand

"You will be alright." He said, before letting go and leaving. Probably to get the kids.


	15. Chapter 15

—Harry POV—

"Harry, Look. I..." Ginny sighed in frustration before turning away from my eyes.

"I've been trying really hard to help you out in the 10 years we've been here together... and it's just getting really quite frustrating because..." She looked at me.

"It's really frustrating because nothing happens. For 10 years the only thing that has gotten better is that you actually let people touch you... and that's because you were forced out of it by Teddy who was an infant." 

All I could do was quietly listen to her speak.

"And... Merlin, Harry. What happened yesterday... it was a bit embarrassing. I was worried sick about you and you didn't even bother speaking to me. As if it was something I did on purpose!"

She's absolutely correct. I know I can't justify my actions and I know I'm really just not fit to be a normally functioning adult. Ginny really doesn't deserve what I've done to her. I have her practically walking on eggshells all the time, and I'm too stubborn to open up to her about my problems.

"Well? Aren't you going to say something?!" 

I stared at her, truly at a loss for words.

"And, confiding in Malfoy? Of all people! How did you open up to him before me? And don't get me wrong, at least you opened up, even if not nearly as much as you should-"

"Malfoy isn't part of this conversation. Ok? As far as you know, you called him once... and he was there once. It wasn't until yesterday when something happened again. As far as you know." I muttered that last part.

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"It means Malfoy has nothing to do with this." I said with a face. I was truly upset. I stared her down with a glare. I also knew deep down that he was slightly involved in this. Maybe if he hadn't showed up I'd just continue downhill steadily like I had been. But maybe I wouldn't be having these conflicting feelings about him either.

She continued on:

"Oh grow up, Harry. I know the war was tough but you have got to get past it at some point! It's been an entire decade. Everyone is at least for the most part past it. You can't even step foot in London. You know I was okay with leaving London for you. I was truly convinced it was what you needed to move on, and I was willing to try anything. Tell me what is going to happen in a few months when Teddy gets a Hogwarts acceptance letter! Or will he go to Ilvermony? Oh that's right! You're too anxious to move to an unfamiliar place again so instead, now you just ignore the fact that you have to go back even if it is for the well-being of your own Godson who you don't pay enough attention to anyway!-"

I went stiff. She immediately shut up.

"Harry I didn't mean-" I cut her off, fuming. I spoke my next words in a pure quiet, pent up manner. Anger flooding through my veins.

"Don't you think I know that I'm fucked up Ginny? Do you think I just mindlessly live like this without another care in the world? I beat myself up every day knowing that the two of you don't deserve the shit I put you through. I know Teddy sits around most days wondering why I'm not there, but rather, 'in the office room working' he's smart. He knows I'm just laying in my bed half the time."

Silence quickly filled in when my words weren't being spoken. Ginny was frozen in her place. I continued, still livid. My heart pounding in my throat.

"I know that the other week when Hermione and Ron came over they couldn't stop wondering how I changed so much. I know that's how Malfoy looks at me." I paused.

So much had happened between me and Draco in such a condensed yet long-feeling amount of time. I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish he was here helping me stay calm. Allowing me to sink into his embrace and telling me it was going to be okay.

"I try so hard to just act normal yet it feels as though every two seconds something happens and I lose myself again and again and again. You think I haven't tried so hard to control myself? Most of my recent problems have come from trying too hard to control myself. Control my tears, my impulses, my headaches, my flashbacks, my nightmares. The list goes on!"

Now I was breathing heavily. Still staring at Ginny, who still didn't dare speak.

"I need to go." I said shortly. Unlike she has been recently, she didn't protest to me leaving. I needed to breathe. She responded to my remark:

"Don't bother. I'll be on my way."

She grabbed a bag and angrily went to her drawers and shoved a handful of clothes into her bag before slinging it over her shoulder and apparating with a small pop.

I stood there, feeling the all too familiar feeling of tears at the corners of my eyes. I wiped them quickly, knowing it was useless. I laid down in my bed and in an instant my face was overwhelmed with heat and I began crying silently. Gasping slightly for air occasionally.


	16. Chapter 16

—Ron POV—  
"No! Rose you poop in the toilet, not the bidet!"

Why do we even have that? The only use it has is if one of us ends up with explosive diarrhea.

"It's just a different looking toilet!" Cried Rose.

"No, Rose, it's a fountain that cleans your butt." I told her, getting a piece of toilet paper to grab her deuce that was sitting in the bidet.

"Ron what on earth are you talking to Rose about-" She saw me cleaning the bidet and Rose standing aside, I saw her stifle laughter.

"No Hermi, we need to teach her that this isn't a toilet- stop laughing."

"Oh goodness, you finish up here, I'll clean Rose up." With an amused smile she picked up rose and took her to the room.

"Hey, wait, before you do that, come here." I told her, and gestured first a kiss, which she quickly and gladly returned before continuing on to wipe Rose up.

When I had successfully cleaned the bathroom, I heard a knock on the door.

"I'll get it!" I shouted while walking towards the front door.

Seeing my sister on the other side with tears in her eyes is what really shocked me.

"Oh my goodness Ginny what are you- come on in." I said quickly, moving aside for her. I peered our the door.

"Where's Harry and Teddy?" I asked curiously, not seeing another person out for miles.

"They're not coming." She said with a cracked voice. I turned over to her in concern. Hermione came down the stairs and saw Ginny.

"Oh my goodness it's freezing outside and you're in just a long sleeve shirt!" She said, hurrying to get the blanket from the couch.  
I closed and locked the front door.

"Harry and I got into a fight."

—Draco POV—

"Alright kids, it's time to eat dinner." I said to Teddy and Scorpius, who were playing in my backyard.

They spent practically the whole day here, and I was prepared for Teddy to even stay the night. I have no idea if it's a good idea to take him home tonight because I don't know if Ginny and Harry have been talking all day or if at this point they were screaming their heads off at each other. I was quite worried for Harry too. I can't really check on him. Teddy has never been to my home, and as much as I trust the neighbor with my son, Teddy isn't my son. He is technically Harry's son. Godson, but still. And, as stated earlier, I don't know what's going on over there nor do I know if taking Teddy, or both of the kids back, is the best idea.

—Hermione POV—

"He said he was going to go, it was probably for a walk you know? To get his mind off things. And I told him "Don't bother, I'll be on my way." I packed a bag and apparated here."

"Oh my God Ginny. Wh- I... Harry?....."

"I don't understand. What you're saying" said Ginny, looking at me with confusion.

"I... I don't know what I'm saying either... I- I'm gonna apparate over there... for a second. Just to make sure. I-" I didn't bother trying to speak again. I just got up and popped away and into Harry's house.

I immediately made my way upstairs and to his room.

"Harry, Harry are you in your room?" I made it up and knocked softly before opening the door. Harry was laying in the bed in fetal position.

"Harry..." It seems today's my day to be at a loss for words.

"Go away, Hermione." He said softly, it sounded like he didn't mean it, or just wasn't bothered enough to care.

"Have you eaten today?"

"It doesn't matter. Aren't you going to ask about Ginny?"

"No. She apparated to ours a while ago."

"So I assume you're here to tell me what an arse I am." He said unmoving.

"No. I came to check up on you." I said that as if it were obvious. "Talk to me. I'm here to listen to your point of view." I said.

—Harry POV—

"There really isn't much to it is there. I don't function properly and it affects everyone around me." I said to her. I sniffled.

"Okay.. and what about Malfoy... Ginny mentioned him quite a bit...what's up there?"

"Doesn't matter. There's nothing happening." I said quickly.

"He got into a fight with her about you-"

"I don't want to talk about it Hermione." I said while shooting into a sitting position.

"H-he, he helped me once-twice! So what... isn't that... What's so special about that anyway? F-friends can, well they can help other friends!" I said in a frustrating manner.

"Yes, but Harry, you don't let anybody in. You're even putting up a fight with me. What makes Malfoy so differen-"

"There's nothing different, Hermione." I replied angrily, cutting her off for what felt like the millionth time.

"You know... there's nothing wrong with it... if it is what I think:.." she said softly and carefully.

"And what, pray-tell, do you think it is. Huh?" I bit, glaring at her in a challenging manner.

"Well, if I didn't know any better I'd think you were going to explode if I told you." She said, equally as challenging.

My mind was racing with her words. I didn't want to know what she could be implying.

"Well... spit it out." I told her, refusing to back down.

"You like him. You're losing your affections for Ginny."

I stared at her, frozen. A wild look was in my eyes and my breathing was quite audible.

"What- how. That's not even... possible I- I..." I didn't have an explanation, and I was upset, knowing I lost.

"No of course not. That explains everything perfectly doesn't it. He reenters your life, you start sharing your troubles, and everything goes to shit with Ginny."

"Shut up Hermione." I bit in reply, embarrassed by the possibility that she could be correct.

"Look. Just know that, as much as it's something I'd have to adjust to, really all of us... just know that I'm here for you... where's Teddy?"

"Draco's house. I told him the argument was bound to happen..." I said in a small manner.

"Oh, so he's Draco now." She gave me a slightly amused look. I set my sights towards my lap, feeling a tickle rise to my cheeks, embarrassed at myself.

"Well," she said. "I think you should let him know that you and Ginny aren't tearing each other's heads off. And just, talk to him. Okay?"

I mumbled a quick "Yeah."

"I love you... and I'm here for you. Stop ignoring our owls, and talk to Malfoy- sorry, Draco" she said his first name in a dramatic tone as if to poke fun.

"But seriously. Stop ignoring us."

"Yeah." I got up and gave her a hug. She returned it.

"I think you have a, friend, to call."

"I guess."

"Hey. Whatever happens, if you do... you know... do it the right way. Don't hurt Ginny more than she already will be. Okay?"

"Yeah... thanks Hermi. I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier."

"It's okay Harry. I've got your back. Bye-"

"Wait... you aren't going to... tell Ginny? That I... God I don't even know what I'm talking about."

"I won't tell her. You go and figure out your feelings okay?"

"Okay. Bye Hermione."

"Bye Harry."


	17. Chapter 17

—Draco POV—

It's been 4 days since that argument. So it's now Thursday. I've come over every day with Scorpius. It almost felt like I lived here part time. That night when Harry called me saying it was ok to bring Teddy back, he broke down in my arms and explained everything to me, and how he figured Ginny was going to end up staying with her brother for a bit. I showed up every morning to do simple things such as making sure Harry gets out of bed and takes his medicine. Only once was that particularly difficult. He didn't want to move, claiming that it would take too much energy and that he couldn't get that energy back. It took me an hour and a half to get him up that day.

Now though, we were sitting together on the couch, listening to a random radio station. Scorpius and Teddy has fallen asleep together in Teddy's bedroom so Harry and I decided it would be easiest for us to stay over. Right now, things were relaxing. The radio was playing soft music. Suddenly, I got an idea. Something that would switch things up from the usual. I tapped on Harry, who was leaning on me.

"Let's do something" I whispered.

"Like what?" He said with a curious tone.

"Let's dance." I whispered excitedly.

"I'm a horrible dancer." He said with a small chuckle. And well I wouldn't necessarily disagree with that.

"I don't mind." I replied.

We got up and I held him close, we were kind of hugging each other and began to sway to the soft beat of the music playing in the background. I closed my eyes and rested my chin on his shoulder as we kept moving, softly, rhythmically. Eventually, I brought my head back up so I could look at him. We just stayed that way. Staring at each other for a good bit of time. I couldn't help but steal a glance towards his lips, however, I caught myself and looked back to his eyes. My hands went to cradle his cheek and I saw him do exactly what I'd caught myself doing just two seconds earlier. It was almost like a wordless conversation between us. I noticed my breathing picked up quite a bit, and now both of our sights were flickering between each other's eyes and lips- more than once. We leaned towards each other feverishly, as if we couldn't wait, and our foreheads pressed together. My eyes stayed closed. We both knew we can't do this.

"You feel it too, don't you." I breathed.

Harry nodded before whispering "yeah."

Our foreheads stayed connected. We weren't even dancing anymore. It seems we were too caught up in almost kissing to do that anymore. I felt my heartbeat everywhere in my body. I pressed further and he did the same.

"We can't." he whispered.

"I know." I replied, with the same tone as him.

I swallowed. Harry turned our position into a hug, burying his face in my shoulder, and allowed himself to continue swaying to the beat of the music. I followed him wordlessly, allowing myself to close my eyes and lean into it.

When the song ended and the radio announcer began speaking again-ruining the mood- we reluctantly pulled apart, looking at each other for a few seconds.

"I guess we should get some rest." I said, successfully hiding the shaking in my voice.

"Yeah."

"Okay." I said, stuck in place.

G... goodnight." Said Harry, as he turned upstairs he spoke one more time. "Th-there's...a um. A guest room. Or my r-room. Whatever you prefer, I-" he turned and hurried up the stairs without another word. Then it was my turn to go upstairs and go towards the guest room.

After an hour of tossing and turning, I decided _to hell with it_ , and got up towards Harry's room. I walked in quietly, expecting him to be asleep, and got into the opposite side of the bed. As soon as I got comfortable. I felt him scoot towards me and sleepily put his arm around me. Soon enough, We both fell asleep like that.


	18. Chapter 18

—Harry POV—

I woke up at roughly four in the morning and found myself wrapped up in a sort of hug with Draco. It felt warm, soothing, and comforting. I studied his features as he slept. He looked relaxed and care free. He looked happy. I smiled at the thought that he was happy. Quickly though, I remembered that I'm in my own house, and Ginny is gone. I guilt came through me at the thought of how horribly my thoughts and actions betray her, and what we had for 10 years. I carefully got out of our hug and sat leaning over the edge of my side of the bed, putting my head in my hands and sighing. Ginny doesn't deserve this. She shouldn't have to deal with this, with me. I stood up, grabbed my wand off the nightstand, and left the room. Draco doesn't deserve this either. My problems are troubling enough. I've let him in, I've caused him to have to deal with more things.

I stood in the kitchen with my elbows leaning on the counter beside my wand. My hands pressed over my eyes as I fought off my newly found headache.

"Why are you always so sad?"

I jumped up at that comment only to see Scorpius standing across the kitchen. I was quickly able to recover from the scare.

"I- no I'm not." I responded.

"Teddy tells me about how you always hide in the house and never talk. And that you and his aunt fight and that you always leave or cry. His hair always turns grey when he talks about it."

I kind of stood there dumbfounded by a 7 year old's words.

"Uhm. Why are you awake?" I asked, leaving the topic.

"I had a bad dream and I wanted to get water because it makes me feel better."

"Oh. I'll get you that." I said, turning towards the fridge to grab him a water bottle."

"Teddy gets sad when he talks about you being sad. And that makes me sad because my friend is sad. Be happy and do happy things to make you more happy. That way Teddy can be more happy. Figure out how to make yourself happy before Teddy gets too sad."

He gave me as mean of a look as a half asleep 7 year old could. And the only thing I could think of at that moment, which I happened to say under my breath, was:

"God, you're just like your father."

"what?" He asked innocently.

"Oh nothing." I decided to keep the fact that his face undoubtedly reminded me of an 11 year old Draco Malfoy to myself.

"Here's a bottle of water. Off to bed now." I said, handing him a bottle while doing so.

He turned to go back upstairs before turning around again and gave me another tiny upset look. If I was his age maybe I'd be intimidated. But right now I couldn't help but hold back an amused smile. He's just as dramatic as his father too.

What Scorpius said stuck to my mind. I knew that Teddy wasn't completely oblivious, but did I really affect him that much? That can only add to the infinite list of people I've disappointed in my life.

I grabbed some water for myself and grabbed my wand off the kitchen counter before turn to get back upstairs. I got to my room and my hand hovered over the door handle. Suddenly I remembered what Hermione told me. And I remembered Ginny. I remembered the heartbroken face of worry etched on Draco's face the first time he saw me crying in the bathroom with open wounds across my arms. As well as the time I apparated to his house, and the time I tried to hurt myself with one of his razors. My now shaking hand left the doorknob and went back to my side. I let out a quick exhale to try and calm down, then I turned to the opposite end of the hall and into the guest room. I lay there for the rest of the night, unable to sleep, yet desperately trying to.

I was finally beginning to lose the fight between sleep and wakefulness when the sun was shining and I heard a soft knock at the door, followed by it opening.

—Draco POV—

I entered the room to find Harry looking as if he was 2 seconds from falling into a deep, much needed sleep. _Did I wake him? Do I snore? Oh god I hope not. Did he have a nightmare?_ All these questions came through my head.

"Hey. Everything alright?" I asked softly.

He mumbled a yes while nodding slightly. His eyes closed.

"Didn't get much sleep last night?"

A slight shaking of the head. His eyes remained closed.

"I understand." I told him, a small smile forming as I saw just how cute he could be when he's falling asleep. I unthinkingly brought my hand to his hairline, stroking his messy hair out of the way of his forehead. He looked as if he was welcoming a peace he hadn't felt in an eternity.

"I'm going to make some breakfast. And I want you to eat a little bit just to take your medicine down properly. Okay?"

I could tell he heard me, and he responded so slightly that if I hadn't been paying all the attention in the world, I would have missed it.

"After that I'll let you get some rest, and Scorpius and I will be headed home."

I looked at him for a second, then decided to bring my forehead to his, before getting up and leaving the room. Looking back towards Harry before gently closing the door and going to make sure the kids were awake.

—Harry POV—

I woke up with a start, bolting into an upright position. Another bad dream. I looked around. Sunlight shone into the room. Everything was still. I looked to my right and noticed a plate of eggs with my medicine on the side, a glass of water, and a note.

_ "You wouldn't wake up, and I figured you needed rest. Please eat and take your medicine. Scorpius and I are at my home with Teddy. I thought it would be best if I watched him while you slept." -D.M _

I sighed and positioned myself to be seated more comfortably before grabbing the plate of food and resting it on my lap. I took the two pills with water before taking a small bite of breakfast.

After eating roughly half, I decided to get up and go to the office room. I walked in and saw 4 letters. I picked them up. All of them were from Ron and Hermione. I decided to open the most recent one, sent today.

_ "Dear Harry, I don't even know if you read our owls anymore. But just in case you do, I wanted to let you know that Ginny is going back today. She's still a bit upset, so be ready for that. Now, on a hopefully lighter note, how are things with Malfoy?" _   
_ -Hermione _

I blushed slightly thinking of that last sentence.   
_Things with Malfoy....well, Draco and I hug a lot. We almost kissed. But didn't... he seems to care. He looks at me with a soft expression most of the time. It's absolutely nothing like when we were back at Hogwarts._

I put her letter down, deciding I would write a response at another time. Ginny is coming home. I burst out the room, knowing I'd need to tidy our bed before she got here. However the bed was already made. No doubt by Draco. I went downstairs to the kitchen and everything seemed untouched though I know that wasn't the case.

I went back upstairs and grabbed my wand that I'd failed to grab earlier from my small rush, and apparated to Draco's house.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well?" Said Draco, sat on the couch.

"I, did. I did. Thank you..."

"Of course. Did you eat and everything?" He said while standing to go towards me.

"Yes. It was good, thank you again."

He nodded in acknowledgment. "I assume you're here for Teddy? He's outside with Scorpius. You could stay for a small bit if you like."

My immediate thought was to say yes, I'd love to stick around. But just as perfectly timed, I remembered all of my thoughts from the previous night, and I remembered Ginny is coming home soon, if she isn't home already.

"I- I can't. Ginny is supposed to come home today and everything."

His face faltered a slight bit before he responded.   
"I understand, well, let's go get Teddy." He led me to their backyard.

Teddy and I flooed home and I brushed him off when I heard the front door open. I looked up towards the door and met eyes with Ginny.


	19. Chapter 19

-Warning: self harm, suicidal thoughts-

  
"Hi." I said with a small voice. She gave me a straight face, put her keys down, and walked past me, upstairs.

"You guys are still mad at each other." Said Teddy, his hair turning green and his nose becoming slightly smaller. I quickly kneeled down to him.

"No, no Teddy, everything is alright, it's just complicated adult stuff... you know?"

"She's mad at you because you're always sad." He said angrily, his hair began to show streaks of orange before he ran upstairs.

Just then, I saw Ginny leave our room.

"Don't bother, I'm talking to him. Like I always do." She said shortly. Without sparing me a glance, I saw her walk into Teddy's room and close the door. I really am tearing apart the household, or at the very least I'm an extreme bother.

—4 days later—

It was about 1am, and tonight felt particularly difficult. Everything was just going through my mind to torture me that night. I haven't slept in almost a week, I've barely eaten, and I haven't showered. I avoided the others in the house and it felt like they were doing so just as much.

Thoughts of Ginny, Teddy, the War, and the Dursley's where whipping through my consciousness constantly. As my stomach growled I remembered how little I ate as a kid. My head hurt and I remembered the War, and all of the harm I caused the Wizarding World. All the people that died because of me. And then I would remember Draco. How he teased me when we were younger, how I would spy on him. How he saved me from the fate of the death eaters at his house. How stupid I was to almost kill him in the bathroom.

I haven't spoken to him since we last saw each other, but I know he's called and texted a few times. I want to reply. I want to be around him, I want to be with him. But I'd rather just not cause him any extra problems. I'd rather not make the tense situation between me, Ginny, and Draco even worse.

Before I knew it, I had not only been hyperventilating, but my gut was filled with such anger and pain that I wanted to tear myself to pieces. I ripped the bed sheets off of myself, sweating and panting. My head was pounding and my heart was in my throat. I wanted to scream but I couldn't. I took my shirt off and threw it across the room, then tried to squeeze the growing pressure in my chest out. Gritting my teeth, I squeezed until my nails were in my arms, but nothing was happening. Nothing was helping. I didn't even realize I was scratching myself slow and deep while silent, frustrated screams escaped me. I just needed my head to stop spinning and racing I needed my mind to shut up, but it wouldn't.

—the next day—  
—Draco POV—

I showed up to Ginny and Harry's house because the kids _really_ wanted to hang out. Ginny and I were sat outside as the kids played at the swing set. Things were eerily quiet between us. The silence had gone on for 20 minutes and I was growing more and more unsettled by it.

I cleared my throat before asking: "uhm. Where's H- Potter?"

"Upstairs. Hasn't left his room for days. At least not when anyone would see him." She said in a monotone voice.

"Can I... go see him?"

She looked at me with an expression I couldn't understand. She stayed silent for a moment before saying "He's in the guest room."

"Thanks." I told her, unsure of what else to say or think. I got up from the lawn chair and opened the door to go inside.

When I got to the guest room I knocked on the door to no response.

"Harry... it's me. Can I come in?" Silence.

I opened the door and was immediately smacked in the face by stuffy air and an absolutely atrocious smell. My expression was one of disgust. But I quickly moved past it, to the bed where I saw Harry lying down. When I got close enough, I noticed he was shirtless and his arms and torso had long scratches. My chest tightened up.

"Harry... what happened?" I was only met by the slow rise and fall of his chest while he slept.

I sat down beside him and grabbed his hand, squeezing tightly.

"I know you're sleeping, but please talk to me. Let me help..." I had to wipe a tear off my eye, one I didn't notice I had shed.

"You don't deserve this..." I looked at him with a pained expression.

"You know, I keep asking myself if I'm supposed to apologize for, well, for the other night. I don't know... it just seems a bit too coincidental; Everything." I took a deep breath in to compose myself.

"You also need to shower. You smell absolutely foul." I said with a small laugh, before letting my expression fall again.

"Please talk to me soon. I'm bringing you a sandwich and some water... I hear you haven't really been maintaining yourself...."

I sat there for another few moments before getting up and leaving, deciding it would be the best thing to do at the moment.

—Harry POV—

As soon as I heard Draco leave and close the door I opened my eyes. I wasn't sleeping, but I couldn't face talking to him. I'm just horrible for doing this. I've literally made him cry, the man who had a seemingly cold heart his entire childhood just cried because of me. I need to stop causing so much pain... these people don't deserve-

Just then, it clicked. It suddenly all made sense. I could do this. I can stop causing them pain and problems... I just need to work up the courage to do this. I let a single tear slip. I just need to find out how, and when, and what to do before then. that's all I need to do.


	20. Chapter 20

—4 days later—  
—Harry POV—

The things I need to do before I can make sure everyone no longer has a problem because of me:

_-Tell Teddy how amazing he is, and what a wonderful person he'll grow up to be_

_-Apologize to Ginny_

_-Kiss Draco_

I went over the list in my head over and over as I approached Ginny, who was brushing her hair in the bathroom before leaving to work.

"Hey Ginny.."

She turned looked at me through her reflection in the mirror.

"I wanted to apologize, for everything. I know I've caused trouble and I wanted you to know I'm working to stop that. I hope with time you can forgive me." I said awkwardly.

She stopped brushing her hair and turned to see me face-to-face. She flashed a sympathetic look.

"I will... you just need to understand everything has been to help you. And you need to cooperate more with that. So hopefully things can go back to normal."

"Nothing can ever go back to normal. But I am going to make sure the problems and the tension stop. I promise."

She looked a bit uneasy. "Okay... I'm going to be late to work. Remember I won't be home tonight. I'm taking over for a co-worker. Don't do anything stupid." She went downstairs and soon enough I heard our front door close. My heart was beating loudly. _I will stop the problems. I will stop the pain._

I went past the kitchen to the living room where Teddy was watching a cartoon.

"Teddy. Can we speak for a moment?"

I saw his hair grow and turn pink. "Okay."

I sat down beside him.

"Teddy, You know I love you right? With every fiber of my being." He nodded.

"I just wanted to let you know: you're amazing. And I know that when you grow up, you're going to blow everyone out of the water with how spectacular you will become. They'll all love you just as much as I do. And I'm sorry that we never got to do much together. I think it's one of the biggest mistakes I ever made."

Teddy had almost cried by the end of it. He gave me a tight hug. One which I gladly reciprocated. 

"You wanna watch a movie with me?" He asked.

"Sure. Then afterwards, I was hoping to surprise you by organizing a play date with Scorpius."

His eyes lit up and this now short hair became a bright yellow in the blink of an eye.

"Yes! Thanks!" He said with a gleeful smile. I couldn't help but return it.

After the movie, I told Teddy to take a shower in his bathroom meanwhile I took my own much needed shower. While I was in there I looked at my arms, remembering everything that's happened in my life. I looked up towards the ceiling with my eyes closed.

_There's only one thing left on the list_ I told myself. _I can stop all of this as early as tomorrow. Everything will be better._

My eyes watered. _This works. This is what I need to do to stop causing all these issues._

_—_ Draco POV—

It's been what feels like an eternity since I last saw Harry. I couldn't stop thinking about him or how I found him. I wonder what conversation we would have had if he was awake. _Would he have been mad? Sad? Happy to see me? What happened to make him self-harm again? Has he taken enough care of himself?_

Those are the questions I kept asking myself almost every day while I continued to live as if nothing had happened. I was finishing up in the bathroom and getting ready to cook dinner when my fireplace lit up with floo. Stood before me was Harry and Teddy. 

"Hi..." He said shyly. He was wearing an old worn button down shirt and jeans. Teddy was in a t-shirt and shorts. I stood in complete surprise to what I was seeing.

"H-Scorpius... look. Teddy is here for a visit." I said, aiming my words to the living room.

"Teddy!" Screamed Scorpius as he ran over to Teddy. "Look I made up a game for us to play come to my room!"

"Okay!" Said Teddy enthusiastically. The two ran off and disappeared into Scorpius's bedroom. I looked back at him.

"Harry... Merlin it's been forever Harry!" I said, taking him into a tight hug which he returned. I closed my eyes sinking into the moment. Soon enough though, I let go to look at him.

"What happened... are you alright?"

"Hi Draco... I'm fine. I'm better now. I've figured some stuff out that will make everything better."

I looked at him with a face full of worry. "You're sure? You know you can trust me now-"

"Yeah. I know." Said Harry softly. I let a wide smile take me over and hugged him again.

When we let go I noticed he was smiling too, but the smile, although genuine, had an off-putting tone to it. I couldn't quite tell what.

"I'm getting ready to cook dinner. Would you like to do that with me?" I asked confidently.

"Sure." He said.

\----

It was long after dinner and the kids had fallen asleep together for a second time. Harry and I were in my room. I was reading my book and Harry rested his head on my chest. Things were still and relaxed.

I felt Harry move after a bit. "Draco... can I... can I do something?" He asked, looking me in the eyes. I put my book down and sat up on the bed. He did the same.

"Well sure. What is it?" I replied.

"Well." He swallowed. "It's something I think we've both wanted to do for a while." He said while getting closer to me. I didn't realize I was doing the same.

Our breaths were mingling. We were mere inches apart.

"Harry. Wh-what about Ginny?"

"Don't worry about her."

"This isn't right... you wouldn't want to do that to her." I said while trying to restrain myself from just doing it. My glance was shifting to his lips and back to his eyes rapidly. I had to blink a few times to stop it.

"Look at me... don't worry about her. It'll be okay." His hand was on my cheek.

"Are you sure?" I whispered nervously.

"Do you trust me?" He asked softly.

I nodded. "Yeah. I do."

Our faces drew closer, and I felt Harry's lips make contact with mine. My hands moved to wrap around his neck. The worry that was heavy in the air became almost a distant memory. It was as if time stopped again with every motion... but he still seemed a little nervous, despite having initiated the kiss. I momentarily took his other hand, which was resting on the bed, and guided it to my hip, never breaking the kiss. Upon making contact with my hip, he pulled me closer. I kept one of my hands on Harry's and moved the other to the left part of his chest, right over where his heart should be. Some of my attention was directed to his heartbeat, as fast as my racing thoughts.

I leaned forward until he was lying down under me. Now his movements were becoming much more natural and fluid. The kiss deepened and I thought _I never want this to end._ A small noise came from him. And it caught me by surprise, but it didn't stop me and he didn't show any signs of protest. Soon enough we both decided to break apart, we were out of breath. We stared at each other and I was lost in his gaze.

He kissed me again, this time more deeply, and I gladly returned it. He put his arms around me and brought me closer. This time I was the one who made a small noise. I was slightly embarrassed by it.

This kiss ended much sooner than the first, and we were now lying side by side. I closed my eyes and put my forehead on his. My hand was in his hair and I was hugging him. The air had too much emotion for words. We tangled our legs together in a seeming attempt to be as close as possible. We were now holding each other tightly, lovingly.   
And that's how we fell asleep.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I woke up early the next morning, missing a certain warmth and comfort from Harry. I got up with a confused look on my face. Maybe he's using the bathroom or he's in the kitchen.

I left my room and went down the hall until I reached the kitchen. What I found was not Harry, but rather a sheet of parchment.


	21. Chapter 21

—Draco POV—

—Warning: Suicidal actions—

_ Draco, by the time you're reading this hopefully I've fixed things. After today I'll never be able to cause problems or pain again. No one will ever die because of me again, and no one will ever be able to hurt me again. _

_ Draco, these past 2 months with you have probably been some of the best two months of my shitty life. I'm sorry that you had to watch me break down so much, and that you never got to see my true personality because my brain had me so fucked up. — _

I couldn't finish reading because my eyes were watering. _He can't have._ My heart was pounding slowly. The parchment was wet with tears but they weren't my own. I was shaking and struggling to find my balance.

The paper was wet with _his_ tears. _This can't have happened long ago_. What if I can still get to him? I ran upstairs and grabbed my wand before apparating to the house. My breath was trembling along with the rest of me. I had a death grip on my wand because I thought I might drop it. I looked around frantically, listening and looking for anything. I heard the bath water running upstairs. I made it up there as quickly as possible.

"Alohomora." I said. Nothing happened. The bastard put a locking charm.

"Bombarda!" The knob exploded and the door creaked open, not fast enough for me to push it out of the way.

My blood ran cold as my eyes witnessed the scene. I was frozen, unable to move or speak, stuck there. Harry was sat in the tub staring back at me, fully clothed in a short sleeve shirt an jeans, his face was lined with dried tears, his hand holding a small blade, the bath water was running. I thought I might've been sick.

"Harry- Harry, put it down, please." I said, my voice wavering. He didn't move.

"Harry please don't-" I stopped myself to think.

"Don't do this." I felt tears welling up in my eyes, crawling down my face. I didn't wipe them off.

I slowly and carefully approached him, as though one wrong move would make his life immediately end. I tried to get a hand on the knife, his grip tightened.

"Please..." I said, my voice in a small, broken whisper. "let go." After a moment, he closed his eyes, curling up to hug his knees. I tossed the knife down into the hallway through the open bathroom door, and I turned off faucet for the tub.

"Harry..." he still didn't answer me, instead hugging himself tighter, he was shaking as much as if not more than me. I couldn't tell if he was crying or just sitting there.

After a moment, he spoke in a guilty and shaking voice. "I should have just... left a note saying I'd gone home and-" he took a large breath of air, more of a gasp.

"No, no because then you'd be gone you can't-" I couldn't finish the sentence before letting out a small cry. Things went silent again.

"It's the only way to stop hurting everyone. It's the only way to be free from my nightmares and my flashbacks. It's the only way. You _have_ to understand." He cried silently.

I couldn't respond verbally. I shook my head slowly and sternly. My eyes were screwed shut and I allowed myself to fall into a sitting position next to him outside the tub. My head snapped up at the sound of a distant feminine voice:

"Harry, I'm back from the store. Why is there a knife in the hallwa-" she turned her head up, and just stood there staring at us. It must've been quite the sight. Your husband sitting in a bathtub with his clothes on and crying with various scars along his arms, and your former enemy sitting next to him, also crying.

"Teddy... put your shoes back on. We're visiting Ron and Hermione." She called towards the bottom of the stairs, her voice cracking a bit. Her eyes were still fixated on me. I could only let out a sob. Silently cursing myself for being unable to hold it back, and for being unable to talk to Ginny. Who promptly turned around and left- a look of shock still on her face.

I inhaled sharply and turned to see Harry. He was still sitting there hugging himself. his head was in his arms, and he was still shaking. I brought my hand to his and squeezed it tightly. He squeezed back.

"I just want it all to be over. You know?" Said Harry after a bit, still crying.

"You can't do that. This isn't the way to fix things, this won't fix anything Harry." I squeezed his hand tighter.

"Let's- let's get you out of... out of the tub. And put on some dry clothes? And..." I swallowed hard and squeezed his hand yet again.

I shakily got up and took a few deep breaths. Glancing over at Harry. I let out another small cry, which I restrained. I closed my eyes and leaned against the wall. I need to at least _try_ to compose myself. I heard the sloshing of the tub and finally the opening of the drain. Then I felt a presence in front of me. I opened my eyes and was greeted by emerald green eyes with a shattered soul. My heart broke. I hugged him like I would never be able to hug him again and I let myself cry without restraint. _He's safe. He's here, with me._

I inhaled sharply.

"Never, try to do something, That _bloody_ stupid, ever again. Please." I told him. I felt him nod into my shoulder, followed by hearing a muffled sob. I hugged him tighter and he did too.


	22. Chapter 22

—Draco POV—

The rest of the day after the incident, he told me he didn't want me to leave. We went back to my house together, and he spent the rest of the day laying down in my room, and he went by the next day just the same, he didn't speak at all either. I would join him at the times when I wasn't with Scorpius and we would cuddle for long stretches of time, some of those times I'd end up ruminating over the thought that I almost lost him.

On the third day, he spoke. I asked him if he was okay with talking about it, but he said no. I reluctantly allowed him to continue on. I did discover though, that he hadn't taken his medicine in more than a few weeks. After scolding him for that, I went to his house and got his medicine, insisting he takes it every morning. It was quite the surprise to me when this made him start feeling worse mentally. He woke from nightmares several times through the night, and I woke up with him to help get him back to sleep. He also seemed even less motivated to do anything, as if that were a thing. After doing research I realized that restarting on a medication can make things worse for a little while. I also read that it's not uncommon for someone to fall into a depression after a failed attempt at suicide. To be honest: I'd prefer him depressed rather than dead, but the ideal situation involves him not being so depressed.

Four days after the incident, I saw an owl flying towards me, though it wasn't any owl I was familiar with, certainly not my mum's nor the one that sends letters from Azkaban. I let the owl in and took the letter from him. It was for Harry, from Gr-Hermione and We-Ron. _Well that ought to be interesting._ I decided not to open it until Harry was ready to do so. I looked at the shopping list I had been preparing for the past week, then went down the hall to my bedroom to get Harry after telling Scorpius to put on shoes and pick up his toys. We're going to the market.

"Do I have to?" Whined Harry, muffled under the covers.

"Yes, I'm not leaving you home alone." I said matter-of-factly "And get a shower too. You smell like the arse of a dog."

At this Harry looked at me, sat up, then sniffed his underarms. "I smell perfectly decent! Besides I got a shower yesterday."

"It May have slipped your notice, but people are meant to shower every day. Besides you'll smell even more 'decent' after a shower."

"But they take so much energy." He groaned, flopping back down onto the bed. Though I understand what he meant. He just doesn't have the drive or the motivation to do anything, which is exactly why I want him to leave the house and get fresh air.

"Let's go. Come on, it's not that bad."

"Fine." He got up and headed towards the bathroom, but I stopped him.

"Wait a second." I walked over to him and gave him a quick kiss, and stayed close to him. As confident as I am, it sent shivers down my spine.

"I liked that a lot." He said in a love struck daze. It seems I affect him too.

"So did I." I said with a smile. "Now let's go- in the shower." I said more parent-like. "I can't believe it takes you more convincing than Scorpius."

—Harry POV—

"Draco, does it matter which bag of beans you get?" I asked, my voice divided between annoyed and nervous.

"According to my neighbor, yes. I forgot the name but it starts with the letter G." He said while crouched down by the shelves where the beans were displayed. Meanwhile Scorpius was next to him, and I was standing against the opposite shelf, constantly looking around.

"I think it's this one." He said, grabbing a bag of uncooked black beans.

"Wouldn't it be easier to get a can? I think they're already cooked." I asked him sparing a glance towards the shelves with cans beside us.

"That's what I thought, but she said that the best way is to cook them yourself." He sighed. "Okay. I need my list again." Said Draco, gesturing his hand out towards me.

_Oh that's right. I'm holding the list._ I looked towards my completely clenched hand. I began to panic, anxiety rising in my chest.  
"I-I'm so sorry. I didn't realize I was-"

"Hey, hey it's ok. I get it. It's your first time out in a while. Don't worry."

His soft hands held my slightly shaking ones. And I began to relax a bit. I took a deep breath.

"You're okay." He said gently. "Now let's finish up that list." He grabbed the parchment and uncrumpled it.

_ Milk _   
_ Eggs _   
_ Cereal _   
_ Breakfast sausage  _   
~~_ Olives _ ~~   
~~_ Black beans _ ~~   
~~_ Rice _ ~~   
~~_ Ground beef _ ~~   
~~_ Complete seasoning _ ~~   
~~_ Green peppers _ ~~   
~~_ tomatoes _ ~~   
~~_ 4 ounce can tomato sauce _ ~~   
~~_ bay leaves _ ~~

I stayed by Draco's side, reading the incredibly odd list with things I hadn't even heard of, while my hand was intertwined with his free hand.

Everything was crossed out at this point except the usual ingredients like milk, eggs, sausage, and cereal.

"What did you say we're making again? And what on earth is a bay leaf?" I asked, not taking my eyes off the list.

"According to Maria, my neighbor, it's just black beans, rice, and ground beef. She called it something else though. I can't really pronounce it. Last year she had invited me to a dinner she was having with her, quite large, family, and that's what they served. It was quite delicious."

"I see." I replied, nodding in a form of understanding. "Where did you say she's from again?"

"Um. She showed it to me on a map... it's an island not too far south of this country."

"Interesting. So I assume this is from there?"

"Yes." He said.

"Alright Scorpius, lets go pick out a cereal." He, unfortunately, let go of my hand to hold Scorpius's, and I grabbed hold of the shopping cart.

"I don't wanna walk anymore." Complained Scorpius, yanking himself towards the floor.

"Oh come on, you're not a baby anymore so quit whining. Let's go. Up." Said Draco, slightly tugging his son upwards. For a second, I got a glimpse of his old personality. He sounds perfectly normal, but _something_ about how he says it tells you he's not going to say it again. And that's exactly why Scorpius got up and began walking with us without another complaint.

We made it to where the cereal is, and I saw Scorpius point up towards a box.

"That one please!" He said. I reached up to grab the blue and purple box, placing it in the cart. Draco thanked me, and we continued on to where the milk and eggs were. On the way, there was a loud crash. I nearly jumped out of my skin, and I had my wand out in an instant, looking around for danger.

"Put that away! Are you crazy?!" I heard Draco whisper urgently. He then draped his arm around my shoulder and began to rub my upper arm in a comforting manner. "Hey... We're in the Muggle world. Don't worry." Draco gestured to a woman trying to make a swift escape from the crime scene: a broken jar of pasta sauce. A soft smile formed on Draco's face.

I took a deep breath and put my wand away. "S-sorry." I mumbled looking down in embarrassment and getting ready to just keep pushing the cart.

"It's okay." Replied Draco. He removed his arm from around my shoulders and held my hand to quickly give it a squeeze. I'll admit having him here is making today a lot better than the last time I went to the supermarket, but right now, I just really want to get home.

—--  
As soon as we pulled into the driveway I got out of the car headed to the trunk to start unloading the groceries, my chest still tight from previously. Draco went to open the car's back door for his son, and then opened the house door before joining me in grabbing grocery bags. Thankfully, there weren't too many.

After putting away what we needed to put away, and keeping out what we were going to use to cook dinner, I swiftly made my way to Draco's room, feeling exhausted and bothered by the unleaving, ever numbing tightness of my left over anxiety. Less than 2 minutes later, he was walking into me laying face down on his bed.

"You're tired?" He asked, I nodded, followed by a short inhale and a sharp exhale.

"Remind me why we went the muggle way, and why I had to go?" I asked, my face still in the blankets. God I hate this feeling. Why can't it just go away? Why can't I just be normal?

"You needed fresh air. Merlin knows you probably haven't been in public since that time you went to couples counseling. And it helps to do something different, even if it's once. Plus, you still need to be able to eventually leave the house without too much trouble." He said, without skipping a beat I might add. I groaned in annoyance, knowing he's right. Draco began going towards his side of the bed while speaking:

"I'm proud of you. You handled everything well. Yes you were incredibly anxious and over-alert, but that takes time and practice to improve. I'm glad you left the house and were able to get the groceries with me and Scorpius." By now he was in the bed and hugging me from behind around the waist. I felt a sense of security engulfing me, and turned around to be able to hug him back.

"I'm glad you were there to calm me down. It helped a lot having you there." I said, my face buried into the crook of his neck. He gave me a kiss on the top of my head. I felt my body relax at this.

"Let's go make dinner okay?"

"Okay." I told him.

I felt him beginning to get up from the bed and I tightened my hug, bringing him back down.

"Just another minute." I said, hoping to completely calm down, and just enjoy the moment.

I felt his arm go around me again, and his hand began to play with my hair. I like this. At this point the tightness had completely faded. It felt like he'd allowed me to finally breathe the fresh air in the house.

Soon enough he got up, and allowed me to do the same. I clung to his hand, already missing his warmth and security. He opened the door and led me to the kitchen where I noticed a letter with my name on it.

"Draco? Who sent this?"

"Oh. That's from those two friends of yours. I meant to tell you. I guess it may have slipped my mind. I let go of his hand in order to get to and open the letter.

_ Dear Harry, _


	23. Chapter 23

—Harry POV—

_ Dear Harry, _

I shut my eyes tight to avoid the written contents of the parchment. I thought I could read this but I can't. I already know what it's going to be about:

1) my constant ignoring them  
2) the fact that Ginny and Teddy are there   
3) the reason why Ginny and Teddy are there

I just don't want to read that right now. I folded the letter up and put it back in it's envelope before opening my eyes again. I never realized Draco was squeezing my arm gently, telling me to calm down.

A sudden chill went through me and I found myself wriggling around to get rid of it, accidentally shoving him away.

"Sorry I just." I shook myself again. "I got a chill, I guess."

"That's fine. Just go ahead and breathe."

"y-yeah. Let's get your island dinner started. Let's..." I lost my train of thought and zoned out for half a second before snapping back into reality. "Where's the recipe?" I asked, not making eye contact.

Draco give me a wary look.   
"It's right here." He said, not taking his eyes off me and sliding a page towards me. "I'm gonna get Scorpius. He enjoys cooking."

I looked into his eyes, my eyebrows knitted together. I took a breath. "Okay. Yes. That's a good idea. I'm going to start cutting the onions." I said, feeling slightly better. He lingered there. As if trying to read what was happening in my mind.

"You're sure you're alright?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yeah it's nothing. Let's get started on the food." I told him. He turned around to leave the kitchen, calling Scorpius's name.

Just as I was about to begin the chopping process I saw a tiny figure zoom past me to the sink. Scorpius, with a wide smile on his face, reached under the sink to get out a step-stool, and then stood on it, beginning to wash his hands. I smiled at his childlike enthusiasm, I looked to my other side to see Draco with the same smile. The smile of a proud father.

—

"Okay, so I just got off the phone with her. She says we are supposed to leave the bay leaves and the whole green pepper in the beans until we begin serving, and that we don't eat them." Said Draco, coming back to the aromatic pot of beans Scorpius and I were staring at.

"This really is quite the interesting dish."

"I know, right? But it'll taste good!" He said confidently before muttering under his breath "If I don't fuck it up."

Scorpius gasped loudly and dramatically. "You said a bad word!!!" He exclaimed, pointing at his dad. I could only look at him with a shit-eating grin and a hand on my hip.

"Draco, you better apologize to your son."

"Oh please he's heard me curse before." At this I gasped playfully.

"How dare you?" He stared me down with this face saying he was irritated but utterly amused at the same time.

After about two more minutes of us putting together this impossible puzzle of cooking nothing like I'd ever seen in my life, the doorbell rung, to everybody's surprise.

Draco, with a curious look on his face, said "I'll get it." before disappearing towards the front door. I heard a distant "Hello M-" followed by the loud voice of seemingly an old woman, cutting him off with "Move. I smell something wrong."

A short, skinny, dark tan woman around 50 years old with thick plastic glasses attached to a chain around the back of her neck and thinning dark drown hair in a loose bun came into the kitchen and made a beeline towards me and the pot of beans. Making me tense up and lean backwards into the countertop behind me, as I was now slightly cornered, before I slid out of her way.

"Oh- You have company." She said, politely looking towards Draco.

"Hello. I'm Miss Jimenez, but you can call me Maria. I'm Draco's neighbor." She told me, energetically shaking my hand. _Why is she pronouncing his name with a short 'a' sound?_

"Hello. I'm Harry."

"Well the two of you-" she stopped to look around. "Three of you, are doing this wrong. You'll burn the house down. Watch what I do. And take better note than Draco did when I showed him." 

I looked quizzically towards Draco, who only rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"You exaggerate, Maria."

"Says the man cooking his beans on high heat!"

"What! I made sure it was specifically on medium." He said like a defensive sibling.

"That's too high."

I gave Draco an astonished look. But he was too immersed in denying that he'd ever done anything wrong.

I saw Maria and Draco bicker over the little things.

"This is missing salt" and "you need to cut your olives in half." The woman reminded me of Molly reprimanding Ron for just about anything that needed correcting. Which made my mind momentarily go back to the letter that was tauntingly sitting on the table. I took a breath and looked away, ignoring it.

"Ay! Dónde está la olla arrocera?!" exclaimed the woman to no one in particular. I could only stare. _What on earth did she just say?_ I watched her look around the kitchen frantically before opening the pot full of rice.

"You need to stir your rice when it finishes! This would have been much simpler with a rice cooker you know."

Draco just put his arms up in surrender and went backwards towards me and Scorpius.

"It's crazy how different things are for her. And how easy this is for her too! I cooked plenty of good meals without trouble! I don't know how she's finding so many problems!" He told me, not expecting an answer.

I only shook my head, suppressing a giggle.

"Okay everybody let's go! Dinner is served." Said Maria, taking out plates. Draco went up to her.

"Maria it's ok, you can go home now." He said.

"I don't trust that you'll serve this the right way. Now tell me. Do you prefer your beans on the side?"

"Isn't it a... soup?" He asked her, which only elicited a disappointed shaking of the head from her. "A soup when it's alone! A topping and a sauce with anything else."

"You! With the funny glasses. Go and help Scorpius set the table. Draco and I will serve." 

I nodded, too nervous to answer her verbally, and set toward the dining room, while Scorpius zipped past me. Ahead I saw the light to the dining room turn on and I walked in, immediately snatching Ron and Hermione's owl and shoving it into my pocket next to my wand.

"I bet I could get the forks faster than you" said Scorpius while darting to the china cabinet's drawers.

I raced in the same direction, but too late, as he was already holding all the forks, a triumphant grin from ear to ear. His raw energy made me struggle to hold back a grin. We set the table together.

—During dinner—

I still had a slight uneasy feeling left over from that letter. Which really sucked because Draco was right. The food was quite delicious. And it's even better to think that it was made by all of us. And that we all put an effort into making dinner happen. Even if his neighbor had to come and save the day.

I couldn't finish my food, well really all of us had a small bit left over. Maria had given us each a mountain of food. Me more than anyone else. I hadn't forgotten how she left saying "Eat all your food so you can be big and strong! Especially you. The skinny one with glasses. I can tell you probably never finish a meal." She said casually with a smile.

—Later—

Draco and I were laying in bed together facing each other, long after dinner, of which there were more than enough leftovers for tomorrow. I love it when we seemingly get lost in each other's eyes. It always feels almost enchanting.

I felt Draco cradle my cheek with his hand, before leaning into a love-filled, passionate kiss. I felt butterflies in my stomach as his soft lips danced with mine and the two of us held each other closely. Though it was short lived as my mood shifted towards Ginny. _My wife._ I pulled away from our kiss.

"What's wrong?" I heard him whisper. I closed my eyes.

"Ginny. I shouldn't be doing this to her." I whispered back guiltily.

"You told me that it's ok, to not worry about her.,." he said cautiously.

I felt a rush of frustration, guilt, and sadness go through me. "That's because I was going to die." I said stiffly. I was tense and trembling. My eyes were no longer gently closed, but rather shut tightly. I felt a headache form and my face grew hot with tears which I was viciously pushing away mentally.

After a moment I felt Draco press his forehead against mine. His face also felt hot. I pressed into his touch and allowed my tears to fall silent. He held my hand with his own shaking one and squeezed it tightly. I returned the gesture, and we kept our hands what way.

—Draco POV—

"That's because I was going to die." He responded. I felt a sense of overwhelming grief come over me as I heard him speak. My hairs raised, and I felt almost stiff, yet I began to shake. Tears mercilessly made their way to me, making my entire face grow uncomfortably hot.

I leaned towards him and made our foreheads touch. He pressed himself in further and I did the same, allowing my tears to fall silent.

My shaking hand searched for Harry's and when it was found I held it tightly, unwilling to let go. He did the same and we kept our hands what way as the two of us cried silently together. Neither of us dared make any noise or make the slightest movement. And that's how we were for the rest of the night until falling asleep.


	24. Chapter 24

—Draco POV—

I awoke from a troubled sleep only to find the area next to me empty. My mind immediately thought of the worst. I darted from my bed out into the hallway where I found that Granger and Weasley's letter was gone. My heart began to race as memories of only a few days ago swam through my mind. _What if he's actually done it this time?_ I took a lucky guess that he was at his home, and apparated there.

He wasn't downstairs, he wasn't in his bedroom, the upstairs bathroom, Teddy's room, or the guest bedroom. _What if he's gone? What if he's dead? What if I'm too late?_ With a pounding heart I stormed into the last door in the hall and saw Harry, sitting at a desk, and letters upon letters and envelopes scattered around. Harry had his head in his hands, and I could see he was shaking. My first reaction was full of anger.

"Potter! Is your head screwed on right?! I wake up and find you gone... I thought you'd actually killed yourself this time!"

He didn't move. I kicked the wall harshly in frustration. My breathing labored and my mind racing. He snapped his head up when I did that.

"I thought I was too late to save you this time! Have you any idea how worried I was?! You couldn't even leave a note like you had last time?" my heart was lodged in my throat. Harry stood up and faced me, he had a dejected look on his face, but still said nothing.

I shouted: "Answer me damn it!"

All you could hear in the thickly silent room was my breathing.

Then, in a low, wavering voice, he spoke:

"I need you to leave." He looked down and away.

"Excuse me?! Did you hear what I just said? Or are you too slow to get that?!" I retorted in disbelief.

"I'm not leaving you alone in a house! Surely you should understand I don't trust you enough to do that at the moment." I said, anger still evident in my voice.

"I need you to go. I need to do something-"

"That's exactly why I don't trust you! How do I know you 'doing something' doesn't involve a knife or a match-"

"Ginny wants a divorce!" He said, interrupting.

I stood staring at him. He started swaying back and forth, looking at nothing and everything, before I saw him almost collapse. I quickly went over to him. And caught him, his arms gripping mine. My anger vanished and was replaced by worry. I got a good look at him. He looked almost sick, yet, too out of himself to do anything. I saw him gag and in a split second I grabbed the bin from the corner and put it in front of him just in time to spew his guts. The smell was heinous. I held my breath and continued to allow him to hold onto me.

After a second or so, he seemed to regain his bearings and looked up at me, before leaving to the bathroom. I stayed where I stood, watching him wash out his mouth from across the hall. I looked around, taking in my surroundings for the first time. Harry's glasses were set over legal papers, with Ginny's signature at the bottom. His wand was on the far right of the desk, and scattered around were various letters.

I looked back towards the hallway. Harry turned off the sink and grabbed a towel hanging from the wall to dry his face. I walked over to him, and quietly, gently, spoke:

"You do understand why I can't leave you alone right?" He nodded. Silence filled the air.

"Are you alright? What happened over there-"

"I-it's fine. I guess it was just shock. I mean," he said, turning to face me. "I still love her. Even if not romantically. And besides, we were together for ten years. Married for eight. It's just difficult to believe that... it's all just gone. And that it's my fault-"

I cut him off: "Now don't go blaming yourself for any of this-"

"Well why not? My problems are the main reason for our failed marriage. I... We... She tried so hard and I just... I never... helped. I never allowed her to help me. I've basically neglected Teddy like the Dursley's did me and-"

"What?" He looked at me wide eyed as if he'd just realized what he'd said. He was neglected as a child? The golden boy? The chosen one? I found it difficult to believe, and unfortunately it was evident on my face.

"N-nothing. I... I just meant... I've just not been the best god-parent. I've been too consumed within myself I-"

"You were neglected as a child?" I asked in a sort of distant disbelief.

"That's not what this is about right now. I'd rather not talk about that. I- just..." He shut his eyes tight and his head was hung low.

"It takes two for a marriage to work or fail, Harry. I may not know how you two were, but I know blaming yourself isn't the appropriate response to this either." I said, not sure how to continue. I settled for hugging him softly instead, and letting him lean into me. He buried his face into my shoulder and returned the hug more tightly than I had started it.

I sighed loudly, realizing that we will have to talk about this at another time. I closed my eyes trying to wrap my head around everything. My hand subconsciously played with his hair as I thought about everything Harry had told me tonight, and in the past. I also tried my best to understand that his childhood was not as perfect as everyone thought it was. A chill went down my spine thinking about it.

Soon enough, he let go of the hug.

"I guess it's back to your home?" Harry asked.

"I guess. What are you going to do about all of these letters?" I asked him.

"I don't want to deal with it right now..." he responded. I sighed.

"Okay, but you have to deal with it soon. Tomorrow?"

"The day after?" He countered.

"Fine. Only because it's practically 4am right now." I said tiredly.

"Why did you think I'd..." he asked, unable to finish his question. I understood what he meant though.

"Because that's how it had happened last time. I woke up and you were gone..." I told him. "I don't know what I'd do with myself if I'd let you slip away so easily." I continued.

He only nodded. "I'm s-"

"No. Please don't apologize." I told him. "Just promise to talk to me whenever you're thinking like that. Or whenever you decide to stupidly down talk yourself. Or think to hurt yourself. Promise you'll talk to me." I told him. My mind was pleading though my voice had a layer of calmness.

He simply nodded, before whispering: "I promise."

"Lets go back home." I suggested. We went back to his office room so he could get his glasses and his wand, and I cast a scourgify on the trash bin with his sick in it. Then, we held hands, and apparated back into my bedroom. We both got into the bed, and fell asleep in a warm, comforting embrace.

—Harry POV—

_Uncle Vernons large hand gripped my arm harshly as he dragged me across the house, visibly angry with me. I didn't even know what I had done wrong. Earlier at school I was being chased down by Dudley's gang and the next thing I knew I was on the roof of the school with no way down._

_He opened the cupboard door and shoved me in while furiously muttering "no meals for a week." He then slammed the door shut and locked it._

_I shook at his words. I already hadn't eaten since yesterday. I remembered as Dudley took my lunch tray at school and had thrown it in the trash, shortly before chasing me down so him and his gang could have me as their favorite punching bag, causing this whole mess._

_I knew better than to try to leave. If I did, I'd only be punished worse. My chest tightened and my breathing quickened. Maybe this time the punishment will be long enough for me to die. Maybe I'll never see sunlight again. What if the last face I see is the angry red face of my uncle that I'd grown all to familiar with. Maybe-_

"Harry. Harry wake up." I sprang up, my breathing ragged, sweat dripping, vision blurred, and muscles tense.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has been enjoying the story so far! I have read all of your comments and kudos! Each one brings a smile to my face, so thank you all, truly. Now, without further ado, enjoy the next chapter!

—Harry POV—

It was a dream- more like a memory. I hadn't had one of the Dursley's in almost an eternity. At least that's how it felt. I didn't try to focus on my breathing, I don't think I could if I tried anyway. It's my fault for bringing them up earlier tonight. Talking about them caused everything to resurface. My mind was racing and I didn't realize Draco had removed the covers from over us both and turned on the bedroom lamp. He went to touch my shoulder and I flinched away, still tense and shaking, the Dursley's still fresh in my mind.

"Hey, Hey, It's alright. Follow my breaths... I'm going to take your hand and position it so you can feel my breathing..." I didn't register what he was saying, and when I felt his hand graze mine I pulled away so suddenly and harshly that I almost fell from the bed, causing me to get forcefully yanked back into reality.

After regaining my balance, I cautiously put my hand down back down onto the bed. Finally being able to focus on my breathing.

"It was only a dream... you're safe..." I heard him tell me. I tried, I really tried to listen to him, to allow his words to process inside of me, but I couldn't. I couldn't even speak. I screwed my eyes shut, desperate to just calm my breathing and go back to sleep. But I know I probably wouldn't be sleeping again. Not at this point.

My hands grasped at the bottom of my hairline towards my neck and I pulled, letting out a groan in frustration. _Just calm the fuck down._

"Stop that." I could feel hands carefully trying to take my own and I could feel myself curling into a ball. _Just stop panicking for no reason. It's gone. It was a dream._ But for some reason I felt like if I'd opened my eyes I would see Uncle Vernon right in front of me or even Dudley with his Smelting stick.

"Harry, Harry I need you to focus on me." I heard him say softly. I tried to nod but couldn't bring myself to it. I was scared. _I'm a grown man and I'm scared of my own uncle? Pathetic-_ I heard in my mind. I felt something on my back and I flinched before allowing myself to return my back to where it originally was.

"I'm going to put my hand on your back." When he did it again I fought off my initial reaction. My breathing became more shallow and rapid.

I felt him rub his hand along my back in slow circles. I focused on that. I felt him get closer to me as he continued to draw circles on my back.

"Feel my heart. Feel my breathing." I heard him say. His voice was steady and relaxing.

I took in a sharp, deep breath, and kept it in my lungs. Soon enough though, I felt myself exhale unevenly.

This went on for a small bit until I was able to match his breathing, and relax. I leaned sideways into him.

"Are you alright?" He asked. I nodded numbly, my head aching. The circles on my back soon became a comforting rubbing up and down on my arm on his opposite side. I felt myself let out an exhale of almost relief. My eyes were still closed.

"You're safe. I'm here. You can open your eyes." I know he was right, and I know I should, but I don't want to. I just want sleep to take me over.

"Harry...I have you. Nobody can hurt you like you say in your nightmares." I felt my eyes begrudgingly peel open. I was met with the view of a closed bedroom door in front of me. It made me uncomfortable and anxious. _They're coming._ I heard in my head.

I turned to look at Draco, fully understanding his presence for the first time since I woke up. I scooted back out of his arm so my back was against the headboard, and I motioned for him to sit right in front of me. He did. I stared at him for second, not speaking, just allowing myself to understand nothing is going to happen. No one is behind me, and Draco is in front of me. I took in a breath and let it go.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, my voice hoarse.

"It's okay. Don't worry... are you feeling alright?"

I shrugged. "I want to sleep." I said. I felt absolutely drained of all energy and emotion.

"Then let's do that." He said softly.

"Can you hug me from behind? For security?" I asked, my dry throat scratching me.

"Of course." He said. "Have some water" he added. I saw him lean over to his nightstand and grab a glass of water. I took it gratefully.

"Thank you." I said, taking a large sip and handing back the glass. He nodded in acknowledgment. "Let's try to get some sleep before the sun rises." He said.

I nodded, moving to lay down on my side. My head still hurt. I felt Draco hug my entire body from behind, wrapping his free arm around my waist. I snuggled into the feeling. _I'm safe. Nobody can come behind me. I'm comforted, I'm secure._ I told myself, and slowly, I fell back to sleep.

—Draco POV—

I woke up to a small figure shaking me constantly. I groaned, not wanting to stop hugging Harry, and turned my head, opening my eyes to be met with Scorpius. _Shit._

"I'm hungry." He whined. "You never sleep this late." I groggily mumbled a tempus charm, not needing my wand, and saw that it was 11:00am. _Shit. It's almost time for lunch_.

"I'm sorry Scorpius. I didn't sleep last night. I'll be right up. I promise."

"You were sleeping just now though." He questioned.

"Yes, I was. Don't worry I'll get up now. Go ahead and go to the living room. I'll be right over." I told him.

He left the room with the door open. I turned back around to look at Harry, he seemed as though he was sleeping peacefully, and Merlin knows he needs the sleep. I removed my arm from over him and rolled out of bed, everything felt heavy. Yesterday really wasn't a good night for sleep, I was basically up the whole night. And to think, just last night I had that dinner where Maria decided to come and tell me I'm doing everything wrong. I scoffed at that. _I rarely do anything wrong._ I told myself.

Downstairs I fixed some brunch for Scorpius, and I ate with him while we spoke. _Sleep._ My brain whined, but I can't, today is just as normal a day as any other. Just then I heard a knock at the door. Scorpius and I went together to open it.

"Maria!" Exclaimed Scorpius excitedly. He always enjoyed seeing her.

"Ay mijo how are you?" She replied with a smile and open arms, which Scorpius definitely jumped into, the two of them in a hug. She knows nobody understands half of what she said, but she insists it wasn't important. I start to think it's like a sort of nickname she has for Scorpius.

"How are you doing today Maria?" I asked, blinking a few times to look less dead than I felt.

"I'm good. Mira. Today is my nephew Carlo's birthday. He's turning 8, and I was wondering if you would let Scorpius come and celebrate with us." She told me, letting go of her hug with Scorpius. I looked down towards him.

"Well how does that sound! Would you like to make some new friends?" I asked him. His eyes were beaming with excitement.

"Can I?" He asked.

"Of course. Let's go get you ready. Say thank you to Maria for inviting you." I said, reminding him of his manners.

He jumped around exclaiming a "thank you!" Before sprinting to his room. I smiled.

"Thank you Maria. I'll get him dressed and bring him right over." I told her.

"Ay sí, of course." She told me. I really wish I understood all of those random words she sticks into our conversations. I brushed it off, as always, thanking her and closing the door before going to help Scorpius get changed.

"All right now Scorpius, I need to explain to you something, but it's a secret do you understand?" I asked him while crouching to his level. He nodded.

"You know how we can do magic?" Another nod. "The people next door can't do that. They don't have magic. And they can't know that we have magic. Okay?"

"But all of my magic happens by accident."

"I know, that's why I'm talking to you about it. You have to promise me that if anything goes wrong, or if anything happens that you didn't want to happen, you'll be okay and you'll try to relax. If you can't I want you right back here and we can work it out together. Understand?" I explained, looking into his eyes. He nodded.

"Now I think you'll be perfectly fine. You've only done magic twice in your life and you don't often get upset. You're there to have a good time. I'll be right here if anything. Okay?" I explained again.

"Okay dada." I gave him a great big hug. And offered a smile.

"Remember, I'm right here if anything." I reiterated. He nodded.

"Alright now let's go to the birthday party." I stood up and took his hand, ready to drop him off. It was now that I became aware of the loud music coming from the house next to ours.

—Harry POV—

_I've been in the cupboard for an unknown amount of time, I felt weak and heavy. I had nothing to do, nothing to say, nowhere to pee, and nothing to eat. The small space stank of urine and I could feel every slow beat my heart made. I lay curled up against the door, waiting for it to open. Hoping it might open soon. Uncle Vernon's words replayed in my head over and over._

_"You and your freakish, foolish pranks. You can't do anything right. Your lucky I'm only locking you in the cupboard for what you've done to me. Horrible, Selfish, dangerous. You could have killed me. How would you feel then?!" He yelled harshly in my face._

_I don't even know how I'd done it. He was gripping me harshly and I tried to fight his grip. The next thing I know, he was on the floor a few feet from me. It was almost as if I'd electrocuted him. But I swear I didn't do anything. He said otherwise though. And well, how else do I explain what happened? I hurt him and I don't even know how. He's right. I don't know how, but Uncle Vernon is right. I am horrible and selfish. I can't believe I actually tried to hurt him... even if I don't know how I'd done that._

I opened my eyes, my chest feeling heavy at the memory. The words kept circling through my mind. Selfish, freakish, foolish, horrible, dangerous. It angered me. It angered me because I know those words all carry even some truth to them. I sat up, I could feel each beat my heart made. It was uncomfortable and made me want to rip my skin off.

I wanted it to stop. I wanted to stop feeling my heart and head pounding against me. I hit my fist against my chest. It wasn't working. My breathing was slow and labored.

_I want everything to stop. I don't want to feel anymore._

I thought about how hurting myself makes me numb. I pushed the thought away forcefully. _I won't feel anything anymore._

_No._ I told myself. Then I remembered what Draco told me last night. _"Promise you'll talk to me."_ _Draco._

I pounded at my chest again, wanting it to stop. I shut my eyes tight and leaned headfirst into the bed, allowing myself to tip over sideways; feeling that nagging itch everywhere. I felt like I was on fire. I wanted to scratch myself. _Draco._

I didn't let myself cry even though my frustrations begged for it. I felt myself scratching my wrists violently.

"Draco" I managed to voice. Even more frustrated that I couldn't scratch my entire body at the same time and just destroy myself until I stopped feeling. _Draco._

"Draco" I voiced a little more loudly. I wiped my eyes violently before continuing to scratch the entire length of my arm. Not allowing tears to escape.

"Draco!" I switched arms and continued scratching. Immediately I heard the door open. I sat up and turned my head towards him. My face showed pain.

"Harry.."

"Make it stop." I croaked, closing my eyes again. I was holding myself tightly, my nails digging into my skin.

"I'm right here. Talk to me. What's wrong." I squeezed myself tighter.

"I want it to stop." I said. My eyes were still squeezed shut. I knew if I loosened at all I would cry. I don't want that. I don't want to feel.

I felt him unclasp my hands, I kept them up, and he hugged me tightly so I wouldn't move. I began rubbing harshly up against his shirt.

"Stop that. Just follow my breathing."

"I want to hurt myself. I want to stop feeling. I want to go numb." I told him, my voice cracked.

"I know. It's okay. I've got you."

"I feel like my skin is on fire I need to stop it. I need to stop my heart and head from pounding so loudly." I told him, trying to wriggle free and soothe my itch.

"I need you to relax with me Harry. Stop trying to move. Focus on me." I sniffled, still refusing to cry. To let those emotions come out and make me feel everything. Holding everything in caused me to tremble.

"Remember, you can cry with me." I heard him say into my ear, still holding me tightly. I shook my head. "It's not good to keep it in. You'll feel worse." He said.

I felt a sob escape me but stopped it abruptly, holding my breath before more than the small burst of tears fell.

"Breathe, Harry. Breathe with me. Let yourself cry." I shook my head, still trembling.

"Then talk to me." I shook my head again. I cursed at myself silently for eventually needing to suck in a breath, and I was no longer able to control myself after that, sobbing quietly yet violently while buried against Draco. He was holding me so tightly that I felt him loosen up involuntary when my sob moved me. I took that split second to curl up and try to rid myself of the stupidly horrible and uncomfortable sensation that still encased me.

"No, no. Here. Let me hold you. Focus on me. Don't listen to the urge. Don't satisfy it." I heard him say. I only cried harder and I felt him hug me tightly again. I felt his chest against my ear and I felt his heartbeat. I tried to follow it, and to make my own match it, my skin still on fire.

—Draco POV—

I held him tightly and positioned myself so he could hear my heartbeat easily and without effort. I felt him keep trying to rub his arms harshly against my shirt and I held him tighter. "Shh. Don't worry. Everything is okay."


	26. Chapter 26

—Draco POV—

I woke up roughly 2 hours later. Harry's head was rested on my chest, but he stared blankly towards the wall. I moved my hand to caress his hair, my mind recapping what had happened.

"Did you just wake up?" I asked him, he shook his head.

"Did you ever fall asleep?" He shook his head once more. I continued caressing his hair, pausing a moment before asking another question.

"Are you feeling a little bit better?" He didn't respond at first, but then he nodded.

"That's good." I said.

"Where's Scorpius? He never came in while you were asleep." He said with a curiosity laced, monotone voice.

"He's next door at a birthday party." I responded. 

"That explains the loud music." He said, slightly cuddling into me.

"Yeah. Speaking of which, I should probably go make sure nothing explodes. He's still only seven years old." I said, my mind wandering. I moved to get up and Harry let me. My legs swung over to the side of the bed.

"I have to get dressed." I said under my breath, noting that I had never actually changed clothing earlier. I sighed, trying to push away the remainder of my tiredness.

"We should get dressed and get him just about now." I said to no one in particular, though I knew Harry was the only other person in the room and that he was listening.

"Do I need to go?" He asked

I got up and took my shirt off, changing it for another. "It's only to pick him up, and I'll be right there with you the whole time anyway." I said matter of factly, and with little emotion. "Okay.." I heard him reply warily.

I walked towards him, now dressed. "You don't have to worry about anything. And besides, you're safe here." I told him, looking into his downcast eyes.

"I just haven't really spoken to a stranger in a long time." He said, looking ashamed at his loss of confidence in life.

"Well you must start somewhere right?"

"Yeah. I guess." He said. I gave him a soft hug, accompanied by a quick comforting rub up and down his back.

"I'm here okay? It's not like you're going alone."

——

We were stood in front of the front door of the neighbors house, Harry stood off to the side, close to me. Our hands were intertwined.

"Harry, they're muggles. I don't believe anything will happen." His response was a breath. I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, and the door swung open.

"Draco! You're joining us!"

"Hi Maria, we're here for Scorpius."

"Oh yes of course come in. Everyone is eating cake at the table. Do you want something, there's rice and chicken, pastelitos..."

"We're fine, thank you though." I said, following her through the house, Harry close behind.

"Ay! Tio pito! Mira es el vecino. El papá del niño con el pelo raro." [Uncle Pito, look, it's our neighbor. He's the father of the child with the unusual hair.] She said to a heavy set mustached man holding a small paper plate with cake. I don't know what she said. But then I heard her speak to me.

"He understands English but he can't speak it, so I'll tell you what he says." I nodded, then made a look at Harry. A look saying 'I wish either of us knew a spell to help translate things'.

We were standing in front of the man, and Maria introduced us.

"Tio Pito, this is Draco, and this is... Harry. Yes." Then she turned to Harry.

"It is Harry, right?" She asked. Harry nodded before, quite opposite to his recent outward display of shyness, quickly hid it, but I felt him squeeze my hand tighter when he spoke.

"Hello. I'm Harry. Harry Potter. It's nice to meet you." He said, shaking the mans hand, then it was my turn.

"I'm Draco Malfoy. Scorpius's father." I said, also shaking his hand.

"Hola." [Hello.] He said towards us, before turning to Maria. "Tu no dijiste que tus vecinos eran pajaritos." [You never mentioned that the neighbors were gays.] The man said while glancing towards Harry's and my hand. I suddenly became aware of what we were doing, and we let go.

"Tío! No! La mujer del rubio se falleció tío." [No, Uncle! The Blond's wife passed away.]

"Oh... Bueno, bienvenidos a la casa." [Oh... well, welcome to the house.]

"María what's going on?" I said in a rushed whisper.

"He says hi, that's all. And he says welcome. The rest is just stupid family stuff." She said with the wave of her hand. "Don't worry."

Suddenly I felt less comfortable around Maria and her family. I don't know what he said but I could make a guess it had to to with Harry and I holding hands.

I continued walking with Harry right behind me, we were being casually greeted by several people as we did, until I found Scorpius, laughing, smiling, and eating cake.

"Hi Scorpius! How is everything?" I said, kneeling to his height. He turned to me. His face was red and his hair was messily pulled back by dry sweat. He looked like he'd just finished a summer quidditch match.

"Dada! Hi Harry! Dada everything was so much fun! We played outside the whole time and we played games like tag and-" he took a breath. I could feel the excitement radiating off of him.

"That's amazing Scorpius." I said with a smile. "I'm glad you had a good time." Soon enough there were kids standing up and going back outside to keep playing after the cake.

Just then I was tapped on the shoulder by Maria.

"Would the two of you like a beer?" She said kindly. Harry responded before me.

"Oh I can't. I don't drink." I looked at him in surprise.

"Not even one? I'll share with you if the problem is finishing a beer-"

"No no that's, that's not the problem at all I just, don't drink, anymore." my brain clicked and I realized what he was saying. He's sober.

"Oh. Well okay... do you mind if I have one?"

"No not at all please go ahead." He said immediately. I eyed him. "I promise it's perfectly fine." He said with a nod. I raised my eyebrow. "Get Draco a beer please." He said to Maria. She nodded and went over to an ice chest.

"You're off drinking? Aren't you like, 28?"

"Yes we're more or less the same age aren't we."

"Well, exactly. You're young."

"I'll tell you later." He said, glancing towards Maria who was headed back towards us with an open bottle of beer labeled 'Corona'.

I took the bottle and thanked her, then took a sip.

——

It's currently midnight and I'm sat at a square table with Harry to my left, Maria in front of me, and another woman to my right. Scorpius is sitting on my lap, and we are all halfway through a game called dominos.

"Ok Scorpius, so you have to a domino that matches with the number nine or the number two." I told my son while bouncing him up and down on my lap. I then leaned close to his ear and whispered while pointing at a specific domino we had. "You should use the one that has a nine on one side and a zero on the other side, that way Harry has to put a zero or a two."

Scorpius then put down the domino I had pointed at, which earned a few groans around the table. A smirk came across my face. I got them good.

Harry made his move, then Maria, and then, Harry pointed towards the sky, breaking everyone's concentration.

"Look. You see those stars? The ones that connect to make an upside down letter A? That's the Andromeda constellation. And you see that really bright star on top of it? That's the Andromeda galaxy." He said

My head snapped to him at the mention of my aunt, Harry was gazing up at the stars above, I followed the direction of his gaze. The sky was a canvas of jet black, decorated by the pale stars of varying brightness. This sight would fill anyone with childlike wonder... and I could certainly see it on Harry's face. I saw where he was pointing, and though he described it as an upside down 'A' shape, it looked more like a person falling to me. Is it really a coincidence that this constellation is named Andromeda?

"Oye! Pelo rubio! it's your turn! This game will last forever if you keep staring at the sky." [Hey! Blond, this game will last forever if you keep staring at the sky.] Said the lady to my right. I looked at the table. A six or a seven. I examined my dominos, Scorpius still on my lap, and realized I couldn't make any moves.

"I pass. Harry, your turn." I said. Harry looked down at his last Domino. If he puts it down, he wins the game, but, he passed as well, meaning he can't make the move, and returned his attention to the sky.

"You know, Scorpius, there's a constellation with your name too." Harry said, I held back a smile while admiring how at peace he looked with the sky.

"Really? Where?" Scorpius said. His face showed obvious tiredness, but his voice signaled for curiosity.

"I can't find it tonight because it's far away. It should be back during the Summer." Harry said. I then chimed in with my own two cents.

"You know your mother and I named you after that constellation on purpose. Almost everyone in our family is named after a constellation, Scorpius."

"Really? Are you a constellation?" Scorpius asked, looking at me.

"Indeed I am. You can find me between the Little Dipper and the Big Dipper constellations." I told him. Scorpius leaned into my chest, seemingly beginning to fall asleep.

"I won!" Exclaimed Maria.


	27. Chapter 27

—Draco POV—

Now, we were walking home from Maria's house. Harry stayed next to me and I was carrying Scorpius, who I've just noticed is not as easy to carry as he was when he was a toddler, and also had not showered today. Actually, none of us have showered today. Scorpius will get one first thing in the morning, because he's asleep, but _I_ will definitely need a bathe before sleeping.

"Harry, open the door please, they keys are in my back pocket." 

"Um, Your left or right?" He said a tad bit awkwardly. I understand why, but I'm too busy making sure I don't drop Scorpius to really care that I'm asking him to go into my back pocket.

"Left. Please." I said, trying to readjust my arms to continue carrying the child.

I felt Harry get the keys with as little contact as possible, then he went to open the door. I huffed upon entering, going straight to Scorpius's room.

"Door again, please." I said, leaning back, knowing that my grip was giving out.

Harry closed the front door than rushed to catch up to me down the hall, opening Scorpius's bedroom door. I got him in the bed just in time, whispering to myself:

"I am never carrying you again." I fixed my now crooked shirt, then got Scorpius under the covers. I gave him a quick hug and left the room, closing the door.

"Did you lock the front door?" I asked Harry

"Oh come on, really?" He said, giving me a look.

"Hey, you can never be sure. Now come on, go take a shower. You look like you were rolling around in the mud with all the other children."

"Do I really need to? I'll just shower tomorrow morning-"

"Then enjoy the couch, because nobody is sleeping in _my_ bed without having showered." I said confidently. There's no way on Earth he's sleeping in my bed dirty.

"Fine, ok." He said, headed towards the bathroom inside my room.

"Thank you." I said, "Also, keep the water on. I'll go in after you." I added.

——--

"Okay, you can get in the shower." Said Harry, fully clothed, I entered the bathroom and locked the door before removing my clothing and stepping in, however, I immediately jumped back and let out a shriek. The water was practically boiling.

"Merlin Potter, you scald yourself in the shower!" I said. Harry replied from the other side of the closed door:

"At least I don't scream like a girl."

"Oh shut it Potter, at least I don't burn my skin off with the water."

"You sound like you've never had a warm shower."

"Warm?! The water is searing!"

"Whatever." He said, and I heard his footsteps receding. Meanwhile, I had to find a way to turn down the temperature without touching the stream of water.

——--

I was now in a T shirt and shorts, ready to go to bed. Harry was sitting on the bed looking at his phone with a blank stare.

"So, I have several questions to ask, and most of them are very serious, so I'll spare you and leave the rest for tomorrow because I'm actually exhausted, but I do want to ask you one thing." I said, Harry looked at me like a child who was just told their favorite theme park shut down.

"Okay? what would you like to ask?" He said. I could tell he didn't like this. I could see the wheels in his head turning at all the thousands of things I could possibly bring up.

"Would you be okay with taking off your shirt?" I said confidently and lacking any sort of emotion.

"This is a trick question. You're going to want me to take it off anyway. Why though?" He said, tugging his sleeves down. "It's not like you don't know what's there." He added.

"I just want to see something." I said, a little more softly than I was previously speaking. I noted that his face was bright red, and so were his hands, which furthered my suspicions.

"Why though?" He protested.

"Because I need to answer a question I'm asking myself. Please?" I said, sitting on the bed in front of him.

He slowly took his shirt off, and I noticed he was trying to keep his shirt away from himself as he did so. I saw all of his scars, It never fails to send a shiver down my spine, but I also noticed exactly what I had suspected. His skin was bright red everywhere. He absentmindedly scratched an itch on his side.

"Harry, you know the hot showers make the itch around your scars worse right?"

"But-"

"It also dries your skin and makes it easier for your skin to break."

He stayed silent. After a moment of examining him, I spoke again.

"Why do you burn yourself in the shower?"

"It calms me down, and since it's everywhere it overwhelms my senses and then I usually can't really feel anything for a bit."

"You mean unless something touches you, then you feel it too much." I told him, a little bit of a dumb look directed towards him. He put his shirt back on.

"Well-"

"Please stop it." I told him, my emotions switching to that of a desperate person. "You really don't deserve the pain you put yourself through." His head was faced down.

"I'm not sure I agree with that." He said.

"Oh come on you don't need to agree for it to be true, Harry."

"I know." He said. I sighed. This isn't going to go anywhere when I don't know what to say about it.

"Let's go to sleep?" I suggested.

"Yeah, you can." He muttered.

"And you won't?" I said confused.

"I don't want to."

"You already practically don't sleep and that's while trying. You need to at least try." I said plainly.

"I don't want to." He said again.

"Why on earth not, Potter?"

"My nightmares are worse since yesterday when I was home. I'm getting certain nightmares I haven't particularly had in a while."

"Was one of those the nightmares the ones you had last night? And this morning? The one that led to a panic attack and the one that made you itch- I mean?" I asked slowly, trying to phrase my words carefully. Harry nodded, then took a deep breath.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about that?" I asked, trying to gain eye contact while his eyes were still downcast. He nodded. Things were still, but not necessarily in an awkward way. I spoke again.

"I'll be here to help you calm down like I was last night. Okay? I'm not leaving your side. I'm staying right where I have been this whole week or so." I told him. He looked me in the eyes. I felt like he was trying to find any trace of lying or deception. Any bit of worry or regret. I took his overly warm and red hand softly, feeling a wave of emotion as I did so.

"I'm going to be right here to stop the nightmares as they come." I said again.

"Okay." He whispered.

"Let's get under the covers okay? And you can do whatever you want to get comfortable." I told him genuinely.

"Okay."

Soon we were both laying in the bed, covered by the blankets.

"Goodnight, Harry."

"Goodnight." He said, putting his glasses on the nightstand.

"Harry?" I asked

"Yeah?"

_I love you._ I thought. But ended up saying:

"I really, really don't hate you. I care about you a lot."

Things were silent, and for a second I thought I'd messed up. Then he responded.

"I don't hate you either. And I care about you quite a lot."


	28. Chapter 28

—Draco POV—

I woke up the next morning facing the wall, and with Harry hugging me from behind. I slept the whole night, and I think he did the same. I turned around to face him, happy at the thought that he got a full nights sleep.

His features were relaxed, it seemed he was still sleeping. I repositioned myself to be able to sweep his hair away from his eyes, and my hand ended resting on the side of his head. However I noticed his eyes move below his eyelids when I brushed his hair out of the way. I smirked, getting an idea.

"Well, I guess he's not awake yet." I said ironically. Looking at him and waiting for a reaction.

"I'll bet if he was awake he'd love some ice cream." I saw Harry struggle and fail to hold back a smile, he then opened his eyes.

"How did you know I was awake?"

"You're terrible at hiding things. Maybe that's why you were never in Slytherin."

"Oh shut it. You know I was actually supposed to be a Slytherin?"

"I highly doubt it." I said mockingly.

"No really, I was. Even _after_ my first year the sorting hat offered to allow me to switch houses, saying he stands by his initial decision."

I gave him a face. "What would you say if I told you I don't believe you?" I said.

"I'd say that's classic of you."

I laughed slightly at that. And I began playing with his hair.

"A Slytherin? Actually?" I said in disbelief, a smile playing at my lips.

"Actually." He said, also with a laugh. Just then, he pulled his forehead to rest against mine, both of us began to calm down from our small fit of laughter. Our breaths mingled together thanks to our proximity.

—Harry POV—

"Hey... can I talk to you?" I asked, nerves setting in. I need to do this, and who better than Draco to talk about it with? He's helped me a lot recently, and he's allowed me to feel comfortable around him too.

"Of course. I'm always here for you." He said. I pulled my forehead away reluctantly, missing the comfort, but needing to look at him while I did this. I took a deep breath to gather some courage. 

"I want to talk to you about Ginny. And about the letter."

"Okay. I'm listening." He said with a genuine appearance.

I took another breath. "I guess the first thing I should do is apologize for the other night. For scaring you and for getting sick and trying to push you away..." I said, I closed my eyes, scared to meet his.

"You don't need to apologize. You reacted in a plausible way. I understand." He said. "Hey. Look at me." He continued gently. I opened my eyes slowly, a bit worried.

"Don't worry about that. It's big news, and it's important news too. It's also something you probably didn't see happening eight years ago. You shouldn't apologize for your reaction." He explained.

"I guess," I said shyly. "I guess, I'm sorry you had to deal with it."

"You don't have to be sorry about that either. I'm here by choice, and I was there by choice. I want to help you and I'm willing to deal with things." He said.

"To think, ten years ago, I was head over heals... and we had almost this forbidden love fostering in the middle of such turbulent times. She was my first, well, _almost everything..._ we were happy with each other... even when I was a complete arse to her efforts towards my health. I regret that. I still love her. You know? And I wish her the best. I just...it's not the same _type_ of love. And that feels almost wrong." I said. He lay right beside me, listening to everything.

"Speaking of being an arse..." he said. "I guess now is as good of a time as ever to apologize for everything I'd done to you in the past." He continued.

"No please don't worry about that." I replied, we looked at each other in the eyes.

"I was an uptight jerk and an idiot. I didn't make your life any easier."

"Who would have known about my life though... besides, it's alright, really." I responded. I brought my hand up to caress his face.

"If anything you were a welcome distraction, considering you weren't Voldemort or the Dursley's.."

"Have I mentioned I really don't hate you." He said in a whisper, a small broken laugh came after it.

"I think you may have mentioned it." I answered, also allowing a laugh to escape.

We brought our foreheads together, though I kind of wish it were a kiss. We closed our eyes and stayed in that position.

Soon, I spoke: "I'm surprised Scorpius hasn't come bursting in asking about you." I said, a smile forming on my face.

"I think yesterday is the latest he's ever gone to sleep. And I could tell he was fighting it too." He let a laugh escape "I am never carrying him again. If his mother could see him now..." he said, his voice trailing.

"What was it that happened to her to go so young?" I asked curiously.

"A blood curse was cast on an ancestor of hers. She ended up with it. Having Scorpius greatly weakened her... She passed away 6 months later..."

"I thought she'd passed during childbirth."

"It is easier to say it that way isn't it." I felt his face heat up and I knew it was because he was holding back tears.

"Hey, remember: if I can cry with you, then you can cry with me too."

He let out a single chuckle, again. "I guess that's how it works." Draco said with a breaking voice. I held him closer and he silently let tears fall.

"I'm happy that she gets to rest now. And I know she's looking over us. And I know she's happy that I've moved on." He said softly.

"I'm sure she is." I responded.

After a long while of the two of us comforting each other in an embrace. Draco spoke.

"You should respond to Ginny." I sighed, he's right.

"I know."

"Let's get up ok? We'll eat breakfast, you'll take your medicine, I'll have Scorpius bathe, and we can floo to your house." He said.

"You'll be there right?"

"Undoubtedly."

——--

We were now in the office at my house. Scorpius is in Teddy's room playing with toys, meanwhile I am standing in front of the desk. It hasn't been touched since I was last here. I swallowed my nerves, trying to stop shaking.

"I don't want to have to read it again." I said, Draco was standing next to me.

"Then don't. You only need to respond to her." He said, letting my owl out to fly around outside.

I sighed, sitting down at my desk. "I want to talk to her about this... in person. Not through a letter. It's not right. I'm not forcing her to stay with me or anything, I just don't want it to happen like this... we're on opposite sides of the globe I- why did she do it this way?" I said, my head began to hurt at these thoughts.

"Why don't you tell her that though?" Asked Draco, sitting down on top if my desk. "I mean, tell her you want to talk in person. I don't know if you'd rather go to London or-"

"I- I'd really rather not." I said, a bit tense. "I haven't been there since the war. I don't know if I'm willing to go back, I-" I sighed, not finishing whatever my thought may have been.

"Wait really? What about Teddy?"

"I've been working on that." I said shortly. I wanted the conversation to end. This is something I really haven't been able to make up my mind on. What do I do for Teddy? It's pretty obvious Hogwarts will want him to attend there, meanwhile Ilvermorny here in the states only knows him through his papers from when we moved... and we didn't even move _close_ to Ilvermorny... that was stupid of me. I don't know the slightest thing about the American Wizarding World yet I've lived here for 8 years and Teddy's own tutor is an American Wizard.

"You alright there?" I heard Draco ask, snapping me out of my thoughts. I looked up at him in confusion.

"You weren't responding to what I was saying." He told me.

"Oh. I'm sorry. What- what is it you were saying?" I asked, slightly embarrassed.

"I was saying that you could ask her to come home to speak. And so that you can see Teddy again anyway."

"Yeah. I guess. I just... that feels a bit overbearing of me.. 'I know you want a divorce but could you come home and talk?' It seems uncaring." I said, pondering what to write.

"Suggest that Granger and Weasley come over...for damage control I guess... if you would like I can also be there."

"What is this a divorce party?" I said in disgust.

"No Harry, I'm only suggesting, I don't know... just go to London for crying out loud. I'll be there, we can apparate or floo and that way it'll be less painful for you I guess... explain that I'm going to be there, or not, I don't know! Tell her that you need to speak, whether it's here or in London or at Granger's or Weasley's house, I don't know Harry, but you can't just leave without responding to her. And you told me yourself that you want to have this conversation in person. Tell her what you've told me. Don't worry about it being perfect or anything like that. This is a big thing you're talking about. You're not a politician who needs to plan all of his speeches." He said, now slightly out of breath. I was taken aback by his minor passionate speech.

"Just talk to her." He said once again. "You can't keep avoiding things." He said. Now it was my turn to lose it. I stood up in anger.

"Well that's pretty tough isn't it Malfoy. In case you haven't realized you're the first person I've opened up to in a decade. I don't know what I'm doing and it is far from my comfort zone." He then stood up.

"Your comfort zone doesn't mean shit to the real world Harry! Please." He said. Suddenly his tone and expression was exhausted and desperate. I realized I'd had a fit that was completely uncalled for. He spoke again, softly.

"I may be the only one you're comfortable with talking to... but in this situation, I'm not allowed to be the only person you confide in. If anything, people will find it suspicious that you confide in _me_ of all people. You need to be able to speak with your wife."

I stood there speechless. I didn't know what exactly to say, and I felt like saying anything would be inappropriate, so instead, I sat back down at my desk, and with shaking hands, I wrote.

—----

It's now _many_ hours later, and I took to sitting on my roof, listening to choral music. I told Draco I'd needed to blow off steam after sending the owl and he didn't protest to it. I've been up here for quite a while, but the music accompanied by a view of the multicolored sky and setting sun simulated a sort of escape from my reality. I felt at peace, yet, in a sort of disconnected and lost way. I took a deep breath as I continued to let my distraction engulf me.

The endless and seamless blend of blues, yellows, pinks, and whites played in perfect harmony with the music in my ears. The sky had such a subtle, yet sudden way of changing. You're watching every second unfold, yet you don't realize how different everything is until it's too late.

At some point while lost in the endless floating scenery, I felt Draco's presence behind me. He sat next to me without a word, and put his arm around me. We leaned in to each other.

After a while of the two of us taking in the sunset that -though seeming impossible- was soon to end, I felt a soft, gentle, quick kiss on my neck. I turned to meet Draco's eyes. Somehow, the silver-grey of his eyes kept me in my daydream.

I learned up, and we connected in a mutual passion for each other. Our hands roaming everywhere, grabbing every piece of each other we could.

—--

Eventually, he pushed me down in his bed. Hands placed beside my head. We kissed, and soon, we were laid bare in front of each other. I never thought I would have felt like this... I never thought I would be making love with the one _I_ love, freely, deliberately. For just this moment, the shadow of my burden did not loom over the both of us.

It was allowing us to freely be together, for the first time since I'd tried to breathe my last.


	29. Chapter 29

—Harry POV—

I closed my eyes and focused on my barely existent breathing. I squeezed Draco's hand tightly, trying to stop my shaking.

"It's ok. You've got courage... besides, I'm going to be there the whole time. Don't worry." He said. "I'm going to knock. They're expecting us now."

I squeezed his hand tighter and opened my eyes. My breath was visible against the cold, crisp air, and Ron and Hermione's brown wooden front door greatly contrasted the white scenery surrounding us. 

"Scorpius, when we get inside, go play with Teddy." I heard Draco say.

*knock knock knock*

As I heard the door open I let go of his hand, taking to squeezing my own into a fist, my nails digging into my palm.

"Hey mate! How are you? It's been an awful long time. Come in..." I heard Ron say. His face upon first seeing me was one of happiness, that quickly changed to a look of... grief? Sorrow? It was at that moment I knew Ginny had told him everything.

"Hi Ron." I said, going in for a tight hug. "How are you?" I asked before letting go of the hug.

"How am I? How are you?" He said. I became tense.

"Ron, please let them in and close the door it's practically freezing out there." I heard Hermione say from behind him.

"Hello Harry..." she told me before glancing at Draco. "Malfoy." She said politely. I swallowed hard.

"Uncle Harry!" I heard the unmistakable voice of Teddy as he ran towards me. I knelt down, catching him in a hug. 

"I missed you... why didn't you come with us? Everyone was crying." He wailed. I noticed his hair turn black. My heart dropped.

"I was just sick for a little while. Don't worry Teddy. I'm okay now." I told him, though I wasn't entirely confident at the last sentence .

I closed my eyes and allowed the two of us to deepen our hug.

"I missed you too you know..." Teddy only deepened the hug.

"I love you uncle Harry."

"I love you too." I replied, holding back tears.

We let go of our hug, and I saw tears Lining his face. I quickly moved to wipe them.

"Hey. Don't worry. I'm here now. Everything is alright."

"Don't tell him that.." I heard the awfully familiar voice say bitterly. I looked up.

"Hi Ginny."

—Draco POV—

Granger, Weasley, and I stood in quite the uncomfortable position, having to listen to Harry tell Teddy something that nobody was sure to be the truth, and now, his wife stood a few feet in front of the lot of us, giving Harry a heartbroken stare. I noticed she awkwardly scratched an itch on her arm.

After a second, she glared at me, before turning back to Harry.

"Upstairs.. please." She told him. He wordlessly followed her. The silence was tense. 

Teddy looked at me, then noticed Scorpius, who was standing behind me."

"Hi Scorpius!" Said Teddy. Scorpius waved back shyly.

"Kids," said Hermione. "why don't you go play in the basement with Rose?"

Teddy looked up at us, and I could tell he understood that nothing was 'alright'.

"So... Malfoy. Would you like some tea?" She said to me as Teddy left the area. My stomach churned.

"Tea in this situation? I can barely stomach the air I'm breathing not knowing what they're talking about up there." I replied a bit harshly.

"You could be more polite, Malfoy." Weasley spat.

"Ron, his attitude is the last thing we need to worry about. Besides, he's right." she said.

"Is there a way for us to listen?" I asked expectantly.

"Isn't that disrespectful?" Said Ron with a sting behind his words, I glared at him.

"Oh please Ron, you're just as worried as either of us." Said Gr-Hermione

"Maybe you, but him?!" He told her, making it obvious that my presence bothered him.

"Ron." She said pointedly, giving him a look. At this I became slightly angry. Judging by her behavior, she _must_ know something.

"What did Weaslette tell you?"

"Harry. Actually." She said to me. I was taken aback by her reply. Harry hadn't told me that anyone else knew... how much did she know?

"What did he say?"

"Not much. But I know you fancy each other." She told me, before trading glances between the two of us, and walking away.

Weasley and I followed her.

"If we put an extendable ear by the door and have it hanging in a way where they can't see it, we should be able to listen to them." She whispered, making her way upstairs and into another room.

Soon enough we were all in an office room, holding onto a string that connected to an extendable ear, strategically hanging around the door frame of the bedroom where Harry and Wea-Ginny were talking. 

_ "-absolutely insane?! Draco is the one who's bullied, degraded, and insulted you all your life! He has hurt you and countless others! He's a murderer! The son of a death eater! He was a death eater! He is manipulating you! He's a Malfoy! a Slytherin! Do you not remember what Lucius put me through in my first year? " _

_ "You don't know what you're talking about! And what does being a Slytherin have to do with any of this?! Yes! I know he's done horrible things, and so did his father! And besides, how could you insult him based on his heritage?! Don't you know how many times I was insulted for being a Potter?! You for being a Weasley?! For being a half-blood, for allowing your family to take me in! Everybody in Hogwarts had their backs turned on me for claiming Voldemort was back! Also, you know I could have been in Slytherin! What does that say about me-" _

_ "Exactly my point. You know what the values of a Slytherin are: cunning, deceit, manipulation. Don't you realize what day just passed?" _

It was at this moment, I felt anger festering within me at her words. But there was something else in the back of my mind. She has no right to say that, but she is _absolutely_ right. Halloween has recently passed, and we both had completely forgotten.

_ "Oh, Of course not. You've been with Malfoy."  _

My blood ran cold at her words. Everything went still. I noticed Ron and Hermione turn to look at me. Their faces showed pure shock. 

Then, In a tense whisper, Harry spoke.

_"Damn you, Weasley."_

after not even a second more, and a small popping sound, with pure emotion, she yelled.

_ "That's right. Run away like you always do! You- You coward."  _

Through the slightly opened door, I saw her storm out of the room, tears streaking her face. I felt the floor rumble beneath my feet as she rushed downstairs. Ron rushed out the door, with Hermione and I closely following, all of us remained breathlessly shocked, my body tense in anger with a powerful rage within.

We reached the bottom of the stairs to find the paltry, meager, little Weaslette drinking a glass of water, with her hand resting on her wand over the counter. 

She calmly lowered her glass with a clink, before violently turning around, pointing her wand directly at me.

"Ginny?" Ron stated tentatively. 

Wealslette remained unmoved, and spoke in a tense whisper. "It's you. It's all your fault." 


	30. Chapter 30

—Draco POV—

I was frozen in place. I heard Hermione speak.

"Ginny, we don't want to do anything rash-" She was cut off by Ron.

"Ginny, Just calm down, lower your wand.. it'll be okay.." He said with a cautious hand held out.

At that moment I saw her swish her wand in a familiar form, as a yellow light emerged from the tip.

Everything after that was a haze, and I was standing in front of Dumbledore, showing him my dark mark. I felt myself fall backwards and land in an unfamiliar spot.

By now I was overheated and beginning to sweat, I removed the coat that I'd forgotten to get rid of previously and started bouncing my leg up and down rapidly.

_"It is my mercy, and not yours, that matters now. Come over to the right side Draco, you are not a killer."_

My breathing became shallow and I became unaware of the world around me. I squeezed my hands into a tight fist and screwed my eyes shut.

_"You don't know what I've done. "_

_"Do it, Draco."_

My throat closed up and I snapped my eyes open, attempting to ground myself and breathe. I squeezed my hands tighter. I was a horrible person. And I never did anything to redeem myself. I'm still a horrible person.

I felt a figure touch me. And I flinched away.

_"You don't know what I've done."_

I almost killed several people. I manipulated those around me. I was a bully, more than that, I tormented kids. I was selfish, I am horrible.

—Ron POV—

Malfoy stood there frozen in place while Ginny's wand was at his throat. As soon as Ginny made a move, Hermione stepped in front of him and deflected the bat bogey hex. 

"Really Hermione you should know more than all of us that he's no good. Stop pretending you're on a higher plane than the rest of us." Said Ginny, now firing spells at my wife.

"Ginny, really? you're the one who's being irrational." She shot back, deflecting another hex.

"Guys really please stop... Malfoy looks like he's having one of those fits Harry used to get-" I tried explaining, while glancing towards Malfoy.

"Shut up!" They both shouted in unison. I backed away and went towards Malfoy.

I went to tap him on the shoulder. "Uhm. Malfoy.. Are you alri-" he flinched away from me. Man... whenever this happened to Harry he'd pass out and I'd just wait for him to wake up. Suddenly a cup shattered. I looked at the two dueling.

"Please just stop it." They didn't reply to me. Ginny only continued shooting hexes and jinxes and Hermione kept deflecting them all.

Through my periphery, I saw the basement door open. The three kids peered from the door.

"No, Kids go back into the basement please." I said while rushing over to them.

"Where's dada?" Asked Scorpius? I became nervous.

"The bathroom!"

"Where's mommy?" Asked Rose.

"I'm her room! Please back into the basement, now. Keep playing, go on." I ushered them back down and I noticed Teddy's hair turn white. As he turned around, keeping his head down. The other kids kept trying to see past me in confusion.

"Downstairs, now." I said sternly. They all scrambled down. I left the stairs and closed the door, when suddenly, Malfoy stood up.

"Enough! Stop fucking fighting! Harry is missing. He is what we have to deal with right now. You all are either going to help me find him, or I'm going alone." He said, grabbing his coat and shoving past the two girls, going outside. The door slammed.

After a second, I rushed outside after him, grabbing my wand from the coffee table and my coat from the coat rack.

Once I was outside, I caught my breath.

"Wait. I'm going with you. He's my best mate. I can't leave him alone." I told him. Then, a voice came from behind us.

"I'm going too. I'm worried for him." Said Hermione. Her face showed one of embarrassment and shame, probably from dueling my sister.

"I'm not leaving my son alone with that hag." Said Malfoy. I retaliated in anger.

"Watch it, Malfoy. She's still my sister." He ignored me, which made me more upset.

"Granger, can I get to the basement without having to see her face." He said with a sneer.

I began to call him out: "Malfoy-"

"Around the back." She said. He immediately started towards the back of our home. I turned to Hermione.

"Are you listening to what he's saying about her?! She's my sister I can't just do nothi-"

"Don't you realize what's just happened Ron? Your best friend tried to kill himself not more than two weeks ago and Malfoy is the one who was there to stop him. We owe at least a little bit of sympathy. Besides, Ginny is off her hinges. I don't want to talk to her either." She said roughly.

I stood there appalled and unable to come up with a retaliation. Malfoy appeared with Teddy and Scorpius.

"Let's go. The longer we sit around twiddling our thumbs the worse he could be." Said Malfoy while going away with the two.

We caught up to him. "Why did you get Teddy?"

"I want to drop him off somewhere. I think I'll drop them both off for a while."

—-Harry POV--

"Hi mum and dad." I said, bowing my head, and kneeling at their resting place. I allowed the silence of the quiet village to take over the moment as I found myself restraining tears.

"I- I'm sorry I haven't visited you all these years. I never stop thinking about you... I never forgot you." I took a sharp breath, my lip quivering slightly.

"I love you. I'm sorry about everything I've done recently."

A small gust of wind passed, causing me to shiver. A single warm tear ran down my face, landing on the snow below me. I looked up, remembering the snow that lay atop their headstones, and dusted it off.

"I forgot to bring flowers... Is it okay that I create some?" I was, unsurprisingly, met with silence. I took my wand out, and created a quaint bouquet of flowers. With the ghost of a smile softly forming, I placed the flowers down into the vase by their grave, another tear sliding mindlessly down my cheek.

"Remember? How, all of my childhood, Draco Malfoy and I were always at each other's throats? It's funny how things change so much. I, well- I guess we- no longer hate each other. I think it's actually grown to become quite the opposite. He's absolutely nothing like he used to be. He's not the same person..." I paused, thinking about all of the time we've recently shared. How he's been tender and sweet, how he's been by my side and helped me.

I began thinking of the warmth we share when we lay together, and how his touch somehow calms me down. I thought of the intimacy I experienced with him, and no one before, just three days ago. I'd never even been with Ginny that way. I took a deep breath, before the conversation I had not an hour ago swam past my mind. It left a pain in my chest, and I ignored it.

"I love you. I promise I won't miss Halloween again. I hope everything is okay up there..."

I got up, and made my way to a nearby pub called the Seven Swans. Upon entering I was hit by a wall of warm air. I took a seat, removing my coat and scarf.

"Harry?" Said a nearing voice behind me, I looked back.


	31. Chapter 31

\--Harry POV--

"Neville, Luna!"

The two of them stood behind me with smiles on their faces.

"How've you been? It's been years!" Said Neville reaching to pat me on the back. I didn't let my surprise at the gesture show, holding back a flinch.

"Yeah. Things have been quite interesting these past few years actually. How about you all?" I responded.

"I met someone, his name is Rolf. He's a Magizoologist, like me." said Luna in her usually calm tone, wearing a gentle smile.

"Really? That's fantastic Luna. How about you Neville?"

"Actually, Hannah Abbott and I are to be married soon. You remember her, don't you?"

The name sounded awfully familiar, and I remembered she was in Dumbledore's army, but that was basically it.

"Of course, she was in the DA with us."

"Yes! Exactly." He said with a smile. I returned it.

"What about you and Ginny? How have the two of you been?" He asked, I sucked in a breath, hiding my discomfort.

"W-We are fine, things have happened but, everything is alright." I said, plastering a fake smile onto my features, one that quite obviously faltered.

"You're just saying that. What's wrong?" Said Luna, taking a seat beside Neville, in front of me. I sighed.

"It's... a long, complicated story. One I'm not particularly fond of sharing, at least not at the moment... I'm going to get a drink."

Luna seemed concerned by what I said about Ginny, Neville gave me a confused look.

"Didn't you tell me you were going to stop after that one party Seamus threw in 6th year?" He asked, leaning towards me.

"Seamus always threw parties." I said unenthusiastically.

"Yeah, and you could take back entire bottles of Firewhiskey with no problem." He retorted.

"Harry are you sure you want a drink? You don't seem to be acting yourself today." I heard Luna question.

"Yes. I'm fine." I said shortly, growing annoyed.

"No... I'm calling Ron and Hermione." Said Neville, taking out his cell phone.

"Don't" I said sharply, burning my eyes into Neville's. They both stared back at me.

"I'm sorry... Just, don't call them please." I said. Calming my breaths.

"Fine. But I'm not letting you order a drink."

I scoffed at that. "Neville, one drink won't do anything."

"Easy for you to say isn't it." He shot back. I kept my head down trying to hide my anger. My leg was bouncing up and down rapidly. I focused on stopping the movement. Just then, Neville stood abruptly. "I'll be in the restroom." he said before leaving.

I glanced up at Luna. "Sorry for snapping." I said dejectedly.

"It's ok Harry. What's been troubling you?"

"I've just had a really complicated day. Things happened that I never thought would actually happen."

"You and Ginny have been fighting?"

"Something like that... I don't really know what to call it."

"I'm sorry that's happening. I do hope things get better soon."

"Thanks Luna, I appreciate it." I said, giving her a soft smile.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he's calling them in there."

I snapped my head up. "What?"

"It's obvious he's worried. I just think it's peculiar Neville's gone to the bathroom right after you told him not to call Hermione and Ron." She said in her characteristic feathery voice. I grew anxious.

"Luna they're going to murder me. I've just had a fight with Ginny... I need to go." I said, getting up, looking everywhere for any sign of them.

"I... It was nice catching up Luna, but I think I'll be leaving now." I told her. Shakily grabbing my coat and scarf.

"Harry, are you sure they'll be upset?"

"It's obvious isn't it? I have feelings for our enemy and I've fought with my wife."

"You have feelings for someone? An enemy? Is it Draco Malfoy?" She said standing up as well, I froze. Did I really just say that? God, what an idiot must I be.

"Harry you can tell me what's going on." She said softly.

"N-no. I'm alright really. Good bye." I backed up, bumping into Neville.

"Bye Neville."

"No, Harry. Hermione says that She and Ron are worried sick about you. And they aren't the only ones."

My mind was racing and I felt sick. Everything was spinning. They'll want me dead. They'll find a way to make me pay for what's happened. I reached over behind the bar next to me and grabbed a bottle before leaving the pub, knowing I can't apparate because of the muggles there.

In a blurred rush I ran into another body, and immediately kept going.

"Harry get your arse back here." I heard Ron yell.

\--Draco POV--

"Ron you'll only make him more upset." Said Hermione, holding him back. I began running after him.

"Harry. Harry stop." I said, huffing for air as my feet stomped against the cold snowy ground beneath.

He turned into a corner, and I followed suit. However, he was gone. I stopped abruptly. Anger, worry, and guilt bursting inside of me.

"Fuck!" I screamed. Kicking the wall. I began to tremble, and leaned onto it for support. Soon, Hermione, Weasley, Lovegood and Longbottom were with me. Hermione placed a tentative hand on my shoulder. I shoved her away.

"Didn't you lot of idiots hear what Longbottom said on the phone? He's drinking again!" I said, rage coursing through my veins.

"He had a bottle in his hand. How were you two not competent enough to keep that away from him? Harry isn't emotionally stable. He can't be left alone!" A wand was promptly held at my throat.

"What are you doing here." Sneered Longbottom.

"Stop. He's not like he used to be... It's a long story." Said Hermione. I huffed as he put the wand down and stood back.

"Now we have to track him down again. Who knows what could be happening." I said harshly.

"Calm down, Malfoy." Said Hermione Sternly. "You yelling at us as if you aren't just as involved as we are won't do anything good." She said, shoving into my shoulder as she walked passed me. I took a deep breath and tried swallowing the bile rising in my throat. _Harry can die if we aren't quick enough._ I closed my eyes, standing before them defeated.

"I just want him to be alright." I whispered. Luna patted me on the shoulder.

"Don't worry, I understand. We all want him to be okay... I have a feeling you like each other. He mentioned you... back at the Seven Swans. He's scared you'll be mad." She said with her sickeningly calm voice. How could she sound so relaxed at a time like this.

"Don't try to sympathize with something you don't understand the extent of, Lovegood." I spat, before walking in the direction of the others.

\--Harry POV--

By the time the sun was setting I turned up in an alleyway in Hogsmeade, before sliding down the wall, needing to sit. Ginny was right; I have grown to become a coward. I couldn't even confront Ron, Hermione, Draco, Luna, and Neville... _Draco_. I began analyzing his behavior towards me. It really is nothing like he used to be. He's almost a completely different person. _What if Ginny is right? What if he's just manipulating me? What if that's why he's been so... different?_

I shook my head. He wouldn't have been that cruel even back then. Right? I ignored my thoughts and decided to open the bottle I'd randomly stolen, and took a swig of it.

The strong liquid sent me a burning sensation as it crawled down my throat. And as soon as I swallowed, I realized: _what have I just done?_ I dropped the bottle, letting it spill around me. _I can't go back to how I was._ I told myself repeatedly. My emotions took me over, and I felt an unavoidable sob escape me, wracking my body. By now it was dark, cold, and windy. I brought my knees to my chest and hugged myself, shivering as my hot tears streamed down my face, and the wind mercilessly howled.

After a while, I found myself wanting another sip. I picked up the now mostly empty bottle, and took a large sip, before deciding to finally read the label. _Red Currant Rum_ it read. I sighed before getting up, and looking to find the Three Broomsticks, so I could sleep in a bed.

\--Draco POV--

"Draco, it's the middle of the night. He could be anywhere. Let's stop. We'll keep looking for him tomorrow." Pleaded Hermione.

"Are you insane? The more time we spend the more time he could be doing Merlin knows what-" I stated sharply, forcing my tiredness away.

"He's probably sleeping, Malfoy. Besides, Ginny is at home, and the kids are with your cousin. Don't you think at least they're wondering where we've gone that we disappeared for so long?" Said Weasley with a tired face. Lovegood and Longbottom had left shortly after the sunset to be with their respective families, so they were no longer looking with us. I thought it was quite selfish and ignorant of them, even though they both offered to help if he was still missing tomorrow. _What if tomorrow is too late?_

"Harry never has a proper night's rest, Weasley. I'd assume you knew that since you slept in the same room for nothing short of seven years-"

"Malfoy you are really getting on my last nerve." he said through gritted teeth.

"Enough, let's go home. Draco, will Andromeda mind if the kids stay the night?" Asked Hermione.

"I don't think so... She spoke about how she's missed Teddy. The last time she saw him was the just about a month after the battle..."

"Okay, we're apparating home then."

"We need to continue looking." I retorted.

"It'll be easier to look for him in the morning." She rebutted. I stayed silent, and allowed her to take mine and Weasly's hand. Within an instant, we were in front of their home. I remembered that the bitch who started this was still in there.

"I don't want to see her." I said defiantly.

"She's probably asleep, Malfoy." Spat Weasley.

"Can I go through the back?" I asked sourly, ignoring what he said. Hermione said yes.

"There's a bed, and a bathroom down there. You don't have to walk through the main house at all if you really don't want to." She said.

"Thank you." I turned to get to the basement, down the hill their house was placed on, to the back door.

As soon as I got inside, I felt warm air everywhere, bringing feeling to my numb face and hands. I closed the door, turned on the light, and took off my coat, looking around. The basement looked like a miniature inn room. There was, as Hermione had said, a small bathroom with a shower, a sink, and a toilet. As well as a dresser, and two beds. I had no extra clothes, but I couldn't stand being in what I was wearing any longer. I stripped down to nothing and took a hot shower, then just put on my underwear, and got under the covers.

Everything felt alien, and I was no longer used to sleeping in a bed alone, like I had for so many years prior. Harry's absence left a cold feeling in and around me. I hugged myself, going into the fetal position, wishing he was here, safe with me. I would hug him and pass my hand through his hair, telling him he's safe, and saying that everything was going to be alright...

The rest of the night was one of minimal sleep, as I tossed and turned, worried for Harry, and feeling a certain emptiness I hadn't felt since Astoria passed.


	32. Chapter 32

\--Draco POV--

"Ma-Draco, eat." Said Hermione. I looked up at her and glared, before turning to Weaslette sitting next to her. Her gaze was one of pure hatred, and I can easily say It's mutual. I abruptly stood from the table and stormed down to the basement, grumbling to myself.

"Eat. Yes just eat, because you all decided sitting for breakfast is more important than going to find Harry. And Weaslette has the audacity to give me a death stare. What the bloody hell did I do to her? She should be apologizing if anything." I swung the back door open.

"It's not like I'd accept the slimeball's apology anyway."

_She's a bitch. It's her fault Harry is missing. She is the one who started this entire disaster. If_ _s_ _he and Harry never got married he wouldn't be in the state he's in. He wouldn't be gone..._

I got up to a tree. And in a fit of anger I took out my wand.

"Reducto!"

The tree burst into dust, and started floating down to the snowy white ground. I kicked up the small pile in frustration. I took a deep breath, slowing myself down. I closed my eyes, and allowed myself to feel my surroundings.

_Being upset won't get Harry found. Yelling at the two people that could help me won't make things better either. I don't know what places he used to go when we were younger. I spent all of my time back then being jealous that he was 'the chosen one.'_ I shook my head, pushing away thoughts of the past I'd much rather forget.

I'm not who I used to be. I'm not who everyone in the Wizarding World thinks I am. I'm not my parents, I'm not who the bitch of Weasley's sister thinks I am. I've grown, I've changed. _I have changed. Haven't I?_

"Malfoy. Hermione told me to get you. The prophet came in, It's important."

\--Harry POV--

"Uhm. Do you sell Red Currant Rum?"

"Yes! We do. Would you like that?"

"Yes please. No ice." I specified. The lady left, and I took to reading the daily prophet. I hadn't seen one of these in years.

_ Harry Potter in Godric's Hollow. _

_ Unconfirmed eyewitness reports claim to have spotted Harry Potter, as well as Draco Malfoy at the Seven Swans muggle-owned pub in Godric's Hollow after both had vanished from the Wizarding World for a decade. Sources say he got in an argument with former classmates Neville Longbottom, and Luna Lovegood before storming out, reportedly taking a bottle of liquor in the process. Barkeeper and son of Daily Prophet reporter E. Limus, says he refuses to press charges. "What's the point in pressing charges? No property was damaged and that kind man who had been sitting with him paid for the bottle." _

I sighed, setting the paper down and rubbing the tiredness from my eyes I don't want to read whatever the rest of this rubbish article has to say. At least there's no picture... just then, the waitress came back with a small glass of what I'd ordered.

"Thank you." I said, taking the glass that was handed to me.

"Of course." As she left I took a grateful drink of the burning strong substance, allowing the feeling of numbness to take me over. _I shouldn't be doing this. What does it matter though? I messed up yesterday anyway._ I told myself. I took another sip. _At least the headache is going away._ I closed my eyes, resting my head in my right hand, which was propped up on the table. My leg began bouncing up and down. I took another sip. _I was just the definition of a bloody fucking mistake yesterday. Nothing went over the right way. I hurt Ginny, and I vanished without an explanation._ I took the last sip, and set down the now empty glass. Letting out a sigh, I put the glass down and went to pay for my previous night's stay and the drink.

\--Draco POV--

"We should check Hogsmeade." suggested Hermione.

"We have to wait for Neville and Luna first." replied W-Ron.

"I can't believe those nosy bloody pricks at the prophet were there last night. So what? I'm walking around London. I've lived here all my life." I grumbled, walking with her and Wea-Ron. My breath was visible against the cold air, and I chose to focus on that instead of the second half of the article

_With Draco Malfoy also having been spotted, one can only ask if He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named will return to power._

"You're a death eater Malfoy. They probably fear fo-"

"I'd watch my tongue if I were you Weasley." I spat, venom coating my words. I shoved my hands in my pocket and stayed ahead of them, knowing I'd probably hex him into oblivion seeing his stupid face again. _It's probably a family thing._ I told myself tauntingly.

"Ron, really you could think before you say something like that."

"Wh- Hermione tell me I'm wrong!"

"You _are_ wrong. He'd be locked up in Azkaban right now not chasing Harry like a lovesick puppy!" She claimed.

"Well don't think you're off the hook _Malfoy_." He said turning to face me with a vile expression. "Just because you saved Harry's life doesn't undo the bloody shit you've made us go through, frankly I wonder if Harry's head is screwed on right for fancying someone like _you_." He spat

I turned around, taking my wand out offensively and getting in his face.

"Shut up. Both of you. It's difficult enough wondering if we'll be organizing Harry's funeral before he even reaches his thirties. I can't take you two morons constantly bickering as if there's nothing better to do and worrying more about our past than this exact moment. " I said sternly, holding back fuming anger.

I turned on my heel, and used my wand to apparate to Hogsmeade. I began looking every which way, trying to find his characteristically messy hair, or his fitting round glasses. I held my breath. There's loads of people here. _Why are there always so many people in Hogsmeade?_ I figured I should start at the Three Broomsticks.

Upon entering I maneuvered my way to the front desk, heart racing.

"I need to know if anyone checked in last night."

"We aren't allowed to convey that information sir." Said the man, looking up. I grabbed him by the collar, and whispered menacingly.

"My friend is missing and I need to know if he turned up here. You are going to show me the record of people who have checked in within the last 24 hours. Understood?" His eyes were fear stricken.

"Y-yes M- mister... Malfoy- sir." He frantically opened a drawer, pulling out a clipboard with papers attached to it. I held back a smirk. Looking around to make sure nobody saw that small interaction. He handed me the record.


	33. Chapter 33

\--Draco POV--

_ Harry Potter, Room 208 Check in: 12:08AM Check out: 10:50AM _

I sucked in a breath, before handing back the clipboard.

"Did he leave, did Harry Potter leave?" I commanded.

"N-no s-Mr. Malfoy. He's in the restroom." The man swallowed nervously.

"You tell no one of this. Understood?" I whispered fiercely. The man nodded quickly. I Gave him a nod in confirmation.

I looked at my watch. It's not even 11:00AM. I swiftly made my way to the bathroom, hoping he might be there.

The urinals were empty. I peered under the stalls, and saw a small pair of feet within one of them. After hearing the sound of a zipper and the sound of the toilet flushing, I backed into an empty stall, hiding. The man opened the door, clearing his throat. I watched as two feet dragged each other over to the sinks. The water began running. My heartbeat was in my throat. I soundlessly opened my door, and looked out. _It's him._ Harry grabbed two paper towels and dried his hands before throwing them into the trash.

"Harry." He turned his head to look at me, things were silent and tense. He didn't dare move. I made my way to him in two large steps and encased him in a tight hug, burying my face into his shoulder. He returned it gratefully. I began breathing again, something I hadn't realized I stopped doing.

"H-" I had to regain my bearings. "I've been worried sick." I said with a wavering voice. I let go to look at him. My hands were at his shoulders.

"You left and we began looking for you... You didn't do anything stupid right? I didn't sleep even a wink last night... I thought you were dead."

"I'm sorry, I know. What I did is horrible, I-" He took a breath.

"I'm just happy you're alright. " We hugged again, however, we both immediately let go at the sound of the bathroom door opening.

"Let's go." I whispered.

"Okay." 

After walking out of Three Broomsticks, I felt Harry tap me on the shoulder.

"Do you think we can go somewhere? Where we can be alone?"

"Of course. I know a place." I took his hand.

"I'm going to take out my wand so we can apparate."

"Okay." He replied. I held my wand in my free hand, and in an instant we swirled into a quiet area surrounded by trees. I was slightly surprised when Harry quickly took me into a hug. I returned it, allowing us to stay like that for a few minutes, until I heard him sniffle.

"Are you ok?" I asked. He only squeezed tighter, I took it as him saying he doesn't want to talk at the second. I closed my eyes and leaned into him.

"I messed up." He whispered into my coat.

"What do you mean?" I asked, concern growing in me.

"I did things, and said things..."

"Talk to me. I'm listening."

"You might get mad." He said in a wavering voice.

I deepened our hug. "Never."

"I-" He shuddered beneath me. "I fought. With everyone. Ginny, Neville and Luna. I insulted Ginny too. In a way I never would have before... I stole a bottle of alcohol, and-" I immediately let go of the hug to look at him in the eyes.

"At least I didn't get drunk... I know. I... I ordered a glass this morning too. I kind of want another."

"You're not going to have another."

"I know." he said. Backing away and making himself smaller.

"Why did you do it?" I asked, puzzled.

"I-I'm not quite sure... I was stressed, I felt kind of helpless I... haven't drank since 6th year."

"6th year? that's absolutely mad."

"You're upset, I don't blame you. I know I fucked up. "

"I'm not upset, Harry I'm concerned." He looked down with a pained expression. I walked toward him and lifted his chin. I saw red, tearful eyes, and a failed attempt at masking a face full of pain.

"Harry," I whispered. "I'm not upset... I want you to be okay. I want to help you feel better."

He shut his eyes tight, and I allowed us to hug. He sobbed silently, though I could feel his body convulsing. The knowledge that he's in so much pain made me feel awful. I placed a small kiss on the crown of his head.

"Don't worry, it's okay. You're going to be okay." I whispered into his ear.

After a while, he had calmed down.

"Your coat is very soft." He said, you could tell he'd been crying because of the sound of his voice.

"I am aware, that's why I got it." I said with a small chuckle. He removed himself from the hug slowly, and began to look around.

"It's quiet and secluded here." He sniffled and leaned into me, I hugged him from behind.

"How did you know about this place?" He asked, admiring the plain and simple beauty of the area.

"During the summer of 6th and 7th year, and also after... everything, I came here a lot to clear my head. Usually it was at night though."

"It's beautiful, and relaxing." He commented.

"I think so too. That's why I chose this place to apparate. That, and the fact that no one ever comes here." I responded, taking a deep breath of the crisp, cold air and exhaling, allowing the cold air and my warm breath to clash.

"I'm sorry about what I've done, and I'm sorry that I had you so worried. I didn't mean to hurt you in any w-"

"Don't worry. All that matters is that you're safe." I said, interrupting his statement. I felt him shiver.

"I- what happened to everyone?" I heard him ask. It was then I remembered what I left this morning.

"I got a bit upset at your friends for waiting for Lovegood and Longbottom to begin looking for you, so I went off on my own. I was worried that the longer we waited..."

"What?" He asked, turning to look at me. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked ahead at the trees. 

"I was worried that you might die if we waited any longer or that something horrible would happen..." I said quietly.

I shook my head. "I know, it's stupid. I just," I took in a breath and sighed.   
"I wanted to find you."

"That's my fault. I-"

"Please, you have nothing to apologize for." I said.

"I know what it's like to not know if someone you care about is okay. I didn't want to put you through that. I wasn't thinking."

"It's alright. We're here now, aren't we?" I said in a futile attempt to reassure him. "Everything is okay now."

After another moment of silence, Harry spoke again.

"What about the kids?"

"Teddy's grandmother... Harry, I've actually been thinking about something that I wanted to discuss with you... about Teddy."

"Do we need to really?" He asked.

"Yes." I turned him around to face me. "Harry you... you really aren't in the right state to take care of him." I said in a concerned tone. "I just think, it's only fair to him to continue being raised by Andromeda... here." He looked at me unmoving and I became slightly anxious at my words. "I just think your biggest priority right now should be taking care of and helping yourself... you can't do that if you have Teddy to care for. You understand don't you?"

He didn't react at first, then he spoke.

"I don't know why I chose to have him... I, he was supposed to stay with her anyway..."

"Then what happened?" He stayed silent for a minute, looking down and away.

"Harry?"

"It... it's complicated and, selfish. it's something I messed up and I thought..."

"What was it?"

"The medication I used to be on, it-" he let out an exasperated sigh. "It diminished my... drive..." I looked at him questioningly.

"It lowered my libido. A lot... I knew I would never be intimate with Ginny. At least not any time soon... she wanted to start a family. I wasn't too fond of the thought, but I figured if we took in Teddy, we'd be lifting a weight off of Andromeda's shoulders, and I wouldn't need to come up with more excuses for.. not wanting to be with her, I guess. A few years after we began raising Teddy I was on a new medication, but I still didn't... want to... I told her it was still the medicine..." he stopped talking, looking away from me.

"So... I was...The other day when we... that was your first time?" I asked cautiously. He nodded timidly.

"You could have told her you didn't want to start a family. you-" I paused to think.

"You can't continue to take care of him. Not only have you been... ignoring him... but your health is a top priority right now Harry."


	34. Chapter 34

—Harry POV—

"Hello Andromeda, I-" Draco tried to say, before Scorpius came running to him, engulfing him in a hug.

"Uncle Harry!" I turned to see Teddy running towards me. I knelt down to give him a hug, and he gave me a tight one.

"Why did you leave? Why did you leave me alone?" He wailed, burying his tiny face into my shoulder. I began to feel guilty. I am a horrible guardian.

"That was rather stupid of me, wasn't it..."

—Draco POV—

"Dada!" I saw Scorpius bolting towards me and I crouched down, taking him into my arms.

"Hello. How are you?" I asked, happy to see him again.

"Why did you leave me alone for so long?"

"I'm sorry. I had to go do adult things." Scorpius hugged me tight, wrapping his legs around my waist, clinging to me as I stood up.

"I thought you left forever, like mommy."

"No, no. Never. You don't ever have to worry about that Scor, We're a team!" I said, trying to raise his spirits. I don't think he ever fully understood that his mother is dead, just... gone.

I looked to my side and saw Harry and Teddy hugging, then, I looked ahead of me, and saw a soft smile on Andromeda's features.

"Thank you for watching them. I know it must have been a surprise, seeing me of all people, asking for such a big favor."

"You're right. Would the two of you like some tea?" She asked. I looked over at Harry, who shrugged.

"Okay."

We walked over to the table where, with a flick of her wand, Andromeda set up 3 cups of tea. We sat down.

"So, what occurred that caused this sudden visit?"

I took a deep breath, glancing at Harry.

"It's a long, complicated story." I replied.

"I assume the long complicated story involves why the two of you are being civil towards each other. And includes why Draco and Teddy were ever in the same room together?"

"I- yes."

"Well then I need to know... after all, when Harry left with Teddy 8 years ago, he was married to Ginny Weasley." My face turned in disgust hearing her name.

"I- I still... am." replied Harry. I swallowed hard, and retained a straight face, keeping my thoughts and expressions to myself.

—Hermione POV—

"We should check Hogsmeade." I suggested. Right now, the three of us were outside our home, discussing where to begin looking for Harry.

"We have to wait for Neville and Luna first." replied Ron. I had almost forgotten about that. But is it really wise to wait for them? I mean who knows what Harry is up to... My thoughts were interrupted by Draco muttering angrily.

"I can't believe those nosy bloody pricks at the prophet were there last night. So what? I'm walking around London. I've lived here all my life." He grumbled, walking with us. He exhaled, which was visible in this cold weather. Then, Ron replied harshly.

"You're a death eater Malfoy. They probably fear fo-"

"I'd watch my tongue if I were you, Weasley." Spat Malfoy dangerously. He sped up his pace, making sure to be ahead of us, and shoved his hands into his pockets. I nudged Ron.

"Ron, really you could think before you say something like that." I told him.

"Wh- Hermione tell me I'm wrong!" At this I became slightly cross.

"You are wrong. He'd be locked up in Azkaban right now not chasing Harry like a lovesick puppy!" I explained dumbly.

"Well don't think you're off the hook, Malfoy." He said turning to face him with a vile expression. "Just because you saved Harry's life doesn't undo the bloody shit you've made us go through, frankly I wonder if Harry's head is screwed on right for fancying someone like _you_." He spat

"Ron!" I scolded. Malfoy turned immediately, taking his wand out and looking ready to strike. I put my hand over my concealed wand for precaution.

"Shut up. Both of you. It's difficult enough wondering if we'll be organizing Harry's funeral before he even reaches his thirties. I can't take you two morons constantly bickering as if there's nothing better to do and worrying more about our past than this exact moment. " he said in a stern, quiet, angry voice.

Then, he turned around, apparating without us. I turned to Ron.

"Really, you couldn't have been more sensitive?!" I asked.

"Well I don't know how _you_ are being so calm! He's a bloody death eater! And based on his recent behavior it seems he didn't change as much as we thought he did!"

"Well haven't you stopped and thought maybe he's just worried about Harry?!"

"Being worried about Harry has nothing to do with my sister!"

"He's not the one who fought Ginny, Ron!" I said, fuming.

"Maybe you both need to check your tempers! And you need to learn to respect Harry's decisions! The things you're saying don't really help, Ron! Haven't you gotten through your head that Harry, your best friend, could have died nothing short of two weeks ago if it weren't for Malfoy?!" Ron stayed silent.

"Honestly Ron." I stomped away, back towards the house.

"Well where are you going?" He asked.

"Well seeing as how you're acting maybe it's best we leave Harry and Malfoy alone. The two don't need more conflict." I said, before opening the door and slamming it closed. The stiff quiet of the house contrasting the volumes of my argument with Ron.

"You know, as much as I want Harry to be alright, I can't help but wonder if it's my fault he's like this." Said Ginny, who was still quietly sat at the table. I sat down by her side.

"No... Harry has had problems since before we knew him. I guess the immediate fear of getting killed by Voldemort every year just kept him from sorting through it all. Now that it's certain everything is over, it's all hitting him. The war, everything."

"He's had 10 years for that though. Most of us have, at least for the most part, gotten past the war... I mean, I understand, he was in the center of it all, but Merlin, I don't know..."

"I have a feeling he's dealing with more than just the War..."

"Well, yes. I know. His family... the Muggles... I've only heard a few things of course. He never spoke about it. But barring his window, and having 'good sense of when to duck'..."

"I know." I said, unsure of how to continue, wiping a few of my stray tears, before speaking.

"I think, realizing he has feelings for Malfoy is also making things worse... I don't think he ever imagined not being... I don't know. It's just the one part of him that was... ordinary." I said.

"And it's not like I never tried... I did." She said, sniffling. "And Malfoy, I mean, He- he's done... so, so much. To him, to us..."

"I know you tried. We all did." I replied. At this point, Ginny and I were both crying silently. She never cries. I took her hand and led us to the couch, for comfort. But not before noticing a flinch that she tried to hide.

"Why... out of all people... did he-" she couldn't finish her sentence, but I knew exactly what she was asking.

"I don't know... there's a lot of things about life we can't understand..."

"Every day since it happened I- I think 'what if Malfoy never showed up?' Would I have come home to see his body instead of-" she began to sob, and so did I.

"I don't know..." I responded. The thought of it made me feel weak.

"I'm sorry for fighting with you... I'm sorry about yesterday. I don't know what got into me..."

"I know... I know you. You aren't like that..." I heard the door open, and was faced with Ron, who looked to have been crying, like us. I got up, engulfing him in a hug, needing his comfort. We both cried. Ginny walked up to us, and we offered to add her to the hug, but she stood aside. After a while, I let go of Ron and sniffled.

*knock knock*

"I'll get it." I said, going to open the door.

"Neville! How are you?" I said, keeping myself together. I let him in, closing the door behind us.

"I'm good. How about you all? Hello Ginny, Ron. Well, we should get going now. right?" He asked, getting straight to the point.

"Actually Neville, I don't think going to find Harry is the best thing we should d-"

*knock knock*

"I'll get it." I said, opening the door to reveal Luna.

"Hello Hermione, Neville, Ron, Ginny. Oh. It seems Draco Malfoy's gone away." She said, scanning the room.

"He left to find Harry on his own?" She asked to no one in particular, I saw Ginny go upstairs, and then, Neville spoke again.

"Why don't you think going to find Harry is a good idea?" He asked.

"We-"

"Malfoy lost his temper." Ron grumbled.

"We all lost our tempers." I corrected, shooting a glare at Ron.

"I just think us being there will strain the situation more than it already is. And there weren't many more places to look. Malfoy's probably already found him. Besides, Harry definitely wouldn't go off wandering in unfamiliar places... Not since..." I sighed. "The War has changed him. He won't go anywhere unfamiliar. At least not on his own..." I swallowed, controlling my shaking self.

"Hermione seems to not want us here, Neville. I think it's best if we go-"

"No, Please. It's fine really. I'll fix us all some tea. Ron, go check on Rose please." I said, trying to hide my rising stress. Ron replied softly.

"Why don't you do that, and take a breather while you're at it. I'll fix the tea. He said. I offered what I hoped was a grateful smile, as I made my way upstairs to Rose's bedroom, my mind racing.

I keep doubting if I've made the right decision. I mean, yes. Mal-Draco, can probably manage. But what kind of friends don't make sure their best friend is found and in good hands? We could have left as soon as he was found, to give them their privacy... what if Harry questions why we aren't there for him? I opened Rose's room, and saw her peacefully sleeping. I heard the muffled voices of Ron, Neville, and Luna down stairs... _It won't hurt for Rose to stay asleep a small bit longer_. I thought, thanking God she had slept in today of all days.

_Some moments it feels as though I'm the only one other than Malfoy wondering if Harry is okay wandering about._ I thought selfishly. _Don't be foolish._ I told myself. _Ron and Ginny just don't show their feelings much. They seem calm about everything._ I reassured myself. _Besides. I know they care._ I thought, finally calmed down. I took a deep breath, making my way back downstairs.


	35. Chapter 35

—Harry POV—

"So I'm never going to see you again?" asked Teddy. His hair was streak white, and we were hugging. The three of us spoke about my competence as a guardian... which started a few minor arguments. But it was decided that Teddy should stay with Andromeda from now on.

"We will see each other all the time. It will almost be like you never left... We'll have dinner, you can have play dates with Scorpius, and even Rose... your grandmother is just better at taking care of you."

"It's because of your brain medicine isn't it? I heard you guys talking. It's because your medicine doesn't work." He said, voice quivering. I sighed.

"Not exactly... You're smart. You know that?" I said with another sigh, slightly trembling.

"Are you going to die like Aunt Ginny and Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron were saying?"

"It sounds to me like you've been listening to a lot of adult conversations." I said, trying to discreetly change the subject. He pulled away from our hug, and I saw a few streaks of grey in his hair, as well as his face growing longer. for a second, he reminded me of Moony.

"Because nobody tells me anything!" he shouted. "Aunt Ginny dragged me all the way to Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron's house crying about you and nobody is telling me anything! Why have you never talked to us?! Why is everyone talking about you dying?!" He said, tears streaming. I saw Andromeda standing in the corner, watching us expressionless.

"Things are just... happening. And It's best for you to stay with Andromeda. She knows better than me how to watch over you. And she will be able to prepare you for your first term at Hogwarts next year."

His lip quivered and he stared me in the eyes, trembling.

"I promise we'll see each other Teddy. I wouldn't dream of going even a month with out your smile lighting up the room." I told him.

"Can I stay with you for the rest of the week?" He whispered. "So I can say bye, and so I can get my things?" I looked up at Andromeda, knowing it wasn't the best choice for me to make any decisions. She nodded curtly.

"Yes. We'll have the rest of the week together, and You'll come back here on Sunday." I told him. He suddenly took me into a hug that would have been bone-crushing, if it wasn't for his small size. I hugged him back softly. I felt his tears soaking through the shoulder of my shirt.

When I moved to get up, Teddy hugged me tighter, signaling he doesn't want to let go. I took him in my arms and carried him. He was heavy, but I didn't let my struggle to hold him show.

"Where's Draco?" I asked, wanting to leave.

"Upstairs with Scorpius. I'll get him now." She said, moving up the stairs beside her.

"Teddy. We can keep hugging after we put on our coats, okay?" I said, tapping him on the back. With a sniffle, he let go. I took out my wand, Accio-ing both of our coats, and helping Teddy put his on, before putting on my own. Then, as promised, I lifted him up again. He held on tightly.

—Draco POV—

I got out of the shower, allowing Harry to enter, while I got dressed. After going to Andromeda's, which was a rather interesting visit to say the least, we went back to Hermione and Weasley's to find Neville, Luna, Weaslette, and the two, drinking tea and discussing who knows what.

Before dinner, I saw the Daily Prophet from this morning as it transformed into its night-time edition, revealing the resurfaced rumors about Scorpius being Voldemort's son and how me being spotted might mean he's returned. I ripped up the paper angrily, throwing it in the trash. _Don't these pigs have anything better to do than pick on a seven year-old boy?_ I asked myself, holding back an outraged expression, and determined to protect Scorpius from these ridiculous, baseless rumors about him and his family's 'disappearance'.

At dinner, Harry and I got in a small argument. He was attempting to serve himself alcohol, and I had to force him away from the bottle, throwing it into the garbage bin. I asked Hermione to hide the rest of her stuff, knowing it wouldn't be right to get rid of all the alcohol in what wasn't mine or Harry's house.

Right now though, I am sitting on one of the two beds in the basement. Scorpius, Teddy, and Rose are playing with her toys in her room, and I didn't bother paying attention to the others in the house.

I settled in my spot, remembering what has unfolded in these last two days. _I can't believe it's only been two days._ I told myself. Everything has happened so fast. We showed up, Harry went missing, I got in at least two fights with everyone else, we found Harry, settled what was happening with Teddy, and now, things were quiet. Nobody was really speaking about everything that recently occurred. I don't think anybody really wants to. It doesn't help that Weasley and I haven't been the kindest towards each other. I snapped my head in the direction of the bathroom, where I heard the water had turned off. _He doesn't need me adding stress to his relationship with his best friends. Yet that's exactly what I'm doing._ I sighed. _At least I don't call Hermione by her last name anymore. Weasley doesn't deserve that though. Prat._

Harry came out of the bathroom, fully dressed. I got up and wrapped my arms around his waist from behind, resting my chin on his shoulder.

"You're very warm." I muttered, not moving from my position, unsure of what else to say.

"You're a bit cold yourself." He said, turning for a proper hug. I allowed this, once again resting my chin on his shoulder, I closed my eyes and let us stand there, doing nothing in particular.

"You normally aren't so huggy." Said Harry. "What's wrong?" He asked.

"It's nothing. I'm just thinking about stuff." I replied cooly.

"Like what?" He asked. I responded by giving him a light kiss on the neck, before letting go of the hug.

"How are you feeling?" I asked him, genuinely concerned.

"I'm fine... how are you feeling?" He responded. I backed up to sit down on the bed.

"I'm feeling like you're lying to avoid talking about it." I told him, looking into his eyes. He sat down as well.

"There's so many things though. I just need to sort things out in my mind."

"Sort them out loud, then. Let's start with one thing." I told him.

"Alright... I know that Ron hasn't quite fully gotten past the fact that you and I are civil to each other... to say the least."

"I know about that, trust me." I said, letting out a light scoff.

"I just feel like his approval means a lot... I know he'll get around to it. I know you aren't the way you used to be... I don't know. I guess I had my hopes a little high when it came to them automatically accepting that you've changed..."

"You know, what either of them may say doesn't change that we're happy with each other. I know things are really messy, but other's words should not be able to add to that mess." I responded.

"Things really are a disaster. I created it too."

"I think it's safe to say this was coming. It's just that nobody knew I would be involved in it." I said.

"I wish things were easier. I wish I could just prove to them how much you changed and be on with life. Maybe things would be easier if we all just saw you as a friend. Though that's not the case." He said. I held back a tear at the thoughts of how I used to be, and how much work Astoria put into helping me become a better person... I remember when we promised no son of ours would be raised like we were. I sniffled, realizing I had gone into a quiet sort of cry. I felt Harry scoot close to me, and wrap an arm around me.

"Hey... what's wrong?" I took a breath in.

"I'm just, remembering... stuff. My past. How it's affecting me and Scorpius."

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"My stupid, bloody self as a child. There's no escaping the past. And now it's affecting my son... he doesn't know, of course. I'm so absolutely fed up with Rita Skeeter and her daily prophet gits doing anything to find a stupid story.

I don't want to be remembered as the horrible person I used to be. I just want forgiveness. And I'm raising my son to be absolutely _nothing_ like I was. I don't want him to be tormented for my wrongdoings." I said, finally letting this off my chest. I had thought about it when the rumors first surfaced after Astoria's passing, and I pushed it away. I left England, and moved into the Muggle world to keep Scorpius from it all, and to finally move past her death. I was an idiot to come here with him. I should have known we would be spotted.

Wet tears made their way down my face, and I received a kiss on the temple from Harry, who had listened to my entire rant.

"You're doing an amazing job with Scorpius. Besides, ignore what they say... you and I were quite nasty to each other back then and, well, look at us now." I let out a small chuckle, leaning into him, still crying.

"I wouldn't change being with you for anything, Harry." I whispered.

"Me too." He whispered back with a smile.

I heard Scorpius and Teddy's footsteps as they stormed down the basement stairs, and immediately composed myself, sitting up straight, passing my fingers through my hair, and wiping my eyes.

"Dada can I sleep with you tonight?" Asked Scorpius.

"Of course." I told him, catching him as he hopped onto the bed, almost knocking me over.

"Teddy, you can sleep with me okay?" Said Harry, moving himself to the bed next to mine. I silently wished we could hug for a bit longer, and that I could cry in his arms for just another second, but I got Scorpius and myself under the covers, as Harry and Teddy did the same on the other bed.

"Goodnight." I said.

"Goodnight Dada"

"Goodnight"

"Goodnight Draco."

I got comfortable in the bed next to Scorpius, and gave him a small hug.

"I love you Scor."

"I love you too dada." He replied, hugging me tightly around the torso.

_I'll always be here to protect you from anything and anyone. Including myself._


	36. Chapter 36

—Draco POV—

I was woken in the middle of the night by the now familiar mumbling and whimpering of Harry. I looked around in the dark to see him uncomfortably moving around, ultimately uncovering himself. I crawled out of the bed, careful not to wake Scorpius, and made my way over to him.

"Harry. Harry." I whispered, trying to get him to wake up. I noticed he was sweating profusely and his eyes were scrunched up. I shook him gently.

"Harry." I said again.

I heard him whimper "n-no" before opening his eyes, and for a second, I swear I saw the lost look of the 11 year-old boy in madam Malkin's robe shop.

"Draco..." he whispered.

"I'm here. Let's take a walk and get some air." I suggested, pulling on a coat and shoes. Harry got up, doing the same, and I saw him grab his wand.

"What do you need that for?" I whispered, walking closer to him. "Come on, let's just go. It's a walk." I told him. He shook his head.

"I need it just in case-"

"In case of what? Come on. No wand."

"But-"

"Harry, you're safe here with me." I said softly, wrapping him into a hug and kissing the crown of his head. "You don't need the wand."  
He looked at me, as if unsure, and adjusted his glasses before blinking a few times.

"Okay." He said.

We walked out the back door, into the quiet, cold night. I wrapped my arm around his waist as we walked, and he did the same.

"What was your dream about?" I asked, looking towards him.

"To be honest, I can't quite remember..."

"You were talking in your sleep again... you don't do that often."

"I'm sorry." He said, casting a downward gaze.

"It's alright. Though, the stuff you say... it's-"

"It's nothing." He interrupted, I looked at him with a face that said 'seriously?'.

"You talk about people hurting you, and locking you up. Or people getting killed..." I told him.

He furrowed his brows, and even in the moonlit darkness, I could see he was thinking deeply.

"It's just... stuff. I'm fine though... they're just nightmares... let's talk about something else." He said. I cast him an unsure glance before nodding hesitantly.

"Have you read any good books lately?"

"I actually don't particularly enjoy reading. It's a hassle, and it takes time." Harry said. I looked at him, slightly surprised.

"I actually quite enjoy reading, but I haven't anything new to read. I need to find some new things, whether they be stories or biographies, I really don't mind."

"Why am I not surprised?" He asked with a slight chuckle, I felt a smile tug at my lips. I love when he sounds happy.

"I didn't get top marks at school for nothing, I love reading." I replied smartly. Still enjoying the smile on his face.

"It surprises me that you and Hermione never got along. She reads all the time." That look of happiness that I don't get to see often enough began to fade. I stopped walking and looked at him.

"I don't know. But I do know that your smile is beautiful." I said. "It shows that bit of carefree happiness."

He laid his head on my chest, hugging my waist lazily, and let out a sigh. After a moment of silence, he spoke.

"Let's get back inside... it's cold."

When we got inside Harry asked if he could use the restroom.

"Okay but I need to go after you, so don't take long." I whispered, conscious of the two children sleeping in the room.

—Harry POV—

I flushed the toilet and went to wash my hands, when I realized there was no soap left. I opened the cabinet to find an extra soap bar, but I spotted an old, used razor. My eyes fixed onto it and my breath hitched. I glanced at the door quickly before looking back at it. I grabbed it, beginning to take it apart. _Just in case._ I told myself, tinkering with the small object. _You never know when you might need to use it._

Soon, I heard a soft knock on the door.

"Harry, I can't hold it much longer." Said Draco through the other side, my movements became feverish as the razor's pieces fell apart in my hands. I grabbed the least rusty blade and tucked it into the waistband of my boxers. It pressed against my hip as I quickly washed my hands, turned off the water, dried my hands, and finally opened the door.

"Sorry. I had to get a new bar of soap." I said, gesturing towards the new bar of soap by the sink.

"It's alright. Go ahead and get some rest. I need to use the toilet." He said, I let him into the bathroom and closed the door behind me, walking towards the bag we had packed when we came here. I opened the smallest compartment and put the old blade in there. _It's for the future. To replace the one Draco got rid of._ My mind said. I crawled back into the bed next to Teddy, hugging a pillow for comfort.

A few minutes later, I heard the door open, and saw Draco walk out of the bathroom.

"Draco..." I whispered sleepily. He turned to face me, and I opened my arms, sitting up in the bed. He walked towards me, giving me the hug I wanted. I stood, wanting to make the hug more comfortable, and we stayed there for a minute, before Draco spoke.

"Is everything alright?" He whispered into my ear, still hugging me. I nodded.

"I just wanted to be with you for a second."


	37. Chapter 37

—Draco POV—

"He wouldn't do anything... ever. He just lays around. Some days he wouldn't even speak..."

I stayed at the top of the stairs to the basement, behind the closed door, listening to Weaslette talk about Harry. I made sure not to move, and to stay quiet. Harry was still sleeping, and I didn't want the others to know I was listening.

"Did you ever do anything together?" Asked her brother, with a seemingly surprised voice.

"What could we do? He was just..." It was quiet for a second. "He never wants to go anywhere. And every time he did go somewhere, he'd have some sort of fit. He'd start to panic... as if something was going to happen."

It seems Harry isn't much different now... I was deep in thought, but was snapped out of it at the sound of Gran-Hermione's voice.

"He never let you in? He never let you help?"

"No... he... It was always the same thing. 'I'm fine,' Or 'It was nothing.' My persistence and his stubbornness would start so many arguments. I'd finish days fuming. Wishing he could just tell me what's wrong or how he wants me to help..."

I turned my head in the direction of the bottom of the stairs, deciding to stop listening before I could begin to overthink. I went back to the bottom, and saw Harry staring at the wall.

"Good morning." I said softly. Keeping an expressionless face. _'It was always the same thing._ _' '_ _I'm fine.'_

"Are you ready to go home today?" I asked, crouching down beside him. He only shrugged.

"We should eat breakfast... don't you think?" I said slowly. He shrugged again. It was odd. I hadn't seen him wake up like this before. Usually he'd say something, or get up, or ask me to hug him. But now he turned around, tugging the sheets tighter around himself.

"What's wrong?" I said. My face showed curiosity and concern. He turned back around to face me again, and I studied his features. His face seemed to be expressing... pain? Tiredness? Sadness? It left me more confused than I had been previously. He took a deep, faint, slow breath, before speaking.

"I... don't want to move.... too much... energy." Suddenly I noticed just how done with everything he looked.

"You have to get up..." I said, he shook his head faintly, closing his eyes in discomfort.

The last time he looked like this was... Teddy and Scorpius's play date... when... he was asleep. At that moment I remembered how clearly I'd seen the new scratch marks that lined his chest, and how he had brought me to tears for the first time since the War... _No._ I thought to myself. _The first time since Astoria passed..._ I remembered how Harry hadn't taken his medicine that time, and how I'd brought it to him. Then, it hit me.

"When's the last time you took your medicine? Harry?"

"...America... stop... talking... please." My eyes widened slightly in realization. He's crashing because he hasn't taken his medicine in days.

"You are taking your medicine as soon as possible. Do you understand me?" I was met with no response. I got up, going upstairs, angry at myself for forgetting. For allowing him to go two days without the medicine that I had been making sure he took religiously.

"Good morning." I said shortly, and with no emotion; whipping past the three who had been talking. I went to the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water, and taking a sip.

"Scorpius and Teddy are upstairs with your kid. Aren't they." I said, facing Hermione.

"Yes, they are. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing is wrong with me." I said a little too harshly.

"Harry hasn't been taking his medicine. It shows." I said, monotonous.

"That's another thing he always did. 'I don't need the medicine' meanwhile he looks half dead." Commented the Weasley girl with a dejected voice. I shot her a glare, not willing to put up with her bullshit.

"He hasn't seen his Muggle mind healer since he lived here. And I don't even know how he has been getting refills-" I said, before getting cut off by Weasley.

"Gin would come and pick it up..."

"That's the most impractical thing I've ever heard-" I tried remarking.

"He didn't want people to know he'd left. He was scared the Prophet would follow him." Interrupted Weasley's sister. "Besides, why do you want to know?" She added sourly. I was about to snap at her, when Hermione stepped into the conversation.

"Don't you think the smart thing to do would be to visit Harry's psychiatrist? Or at least transfer his medicine to a Muggle pharmacist in America?"

"If we transfer where we want them to send the medicine then the Daily Prophet will find out. Don't forget, Skeeter is a Beetle. She can go anywhere." Said Ron.

"I don't think Rita Skeeter is around anymore. And the rest of the prophet wouldn't be meddling with Muggles. Doesn't he have a Muggle doctor instead of a healer?" Asked Hermione. "They wouldn't know." She reasoned.

"Granger has a point." I added quickly. "Hermione... she has a point." I corrected.

"See?" She replied. "As long as Harry can make it to the Muggle world without being detected, we can transfer his medicine without a problem."

"You're forgetting one thing." Said Weaslette. "He never goes anywhere. He never does anything. What makes you all think he's going to go wandering into the Muggle world, and risk being found by his relatives, just to do this?" I could here the frustration behind her voice as she spoke about how Harry's behavior had been.

"Well the stubborn git shouldn't have much a choice, now should he." I muttered.

"Malfoy is right." Added Hermione.

"It's settled." I said, clearing my throat. "Harry is going to get a refill, take his medicine, and transfer..." My voice trailed. The Wizarding World is so different from the Muggle World when it comes to this stuff _. I mean, medicine? Doctors? Psychiatrists? Here it's Potions, Healers, MediWizards, mind healers, and being insane..._ I paused. _Harry isn't insane though. He's sick._

"Pharmacist." Said Hermione. I looked up at her.

"Pharmacists give Muggles their medicine or... I guess if you'd need me to translate, potions." She clarified. I nodded my head in understanding.

"I know, Malfoy. I had to learn about all of that to get a healing job in the Muggle World." She said, keeping her gaze down and away from me. I put my head down. For probably the first time, the only person in the room who knows less than me is Weasley. It felt odd knowing that his sister knew more about this stuff than I did. Hermione, I was used to. Father would always bother me about having worse marks than a Mudblood... _Muggle Born._ I thought to myself, shaking my head slightly.

Keeping my expressions concealed, I began a swift walk back to the basement.

"I'm going to try waking Harry..."


	38. Chapter 38

—Harry POV—

My head hurts, and everything feels heavy. The sunlight bleeding into the room made me want to keep my eyes shut, but I turned to face Draco anyway, and gave him my best 'fuck you' face, before turning back around, wanting to fall back to sleep, and wanting to stop feeling everything around me, but in an unbothered sort of way.

"Oh come on." I heard him say, but I didn't move. I just wanted to stop being conscious... even if for a moment.

"Harry, you need to do this anyway. I suggest you find the energy to get up and get dressed at the very least. I don't know where to go to do this stuff. It's not like I wouldn't go do it for you..."

My eyes scrunched up, becoming increasingly bothered by the noise Draco was making. I felt bad though. He's only trying to help, and I'm not making things easier for him in any way. The feeling of guilt came over me, and I knew that as tired as I felt, I wasn't going to be able to fall back to sleep... not today. I turned over to face him, staring into his eyes with a defeated expression. I took a deep, tired breath, and immediately wished I hadn't made the decision to get up. Just thinking about it made me feel more exhausted. I felt a sharp pain in my head, and ignored it, feeling too tired to react.

I reached my arm out as little as necessary, asking Draco to lay by me. He gave me a look.

"You need to get up." He said.

"Please..." I whispered, feeling my already depleted energy levels decline more. It was as though every action and thought caused a stone to be placed over my chest, weighing it down.

I heard him sigh and uncover me to get in. I scooted over to give him room, and soon enough I was in his arms, feeling warm and comfortable. I closed my eyes, leaning into his touch as he played with my hair. I felt slightly better. Things felt more empty and less heavy. I still wanted to do nothing but sleep, except now, I wanted to sleep with Draco by my side. I felt as his slightly chapped lips placed a peck on my forehead.

"Do you want me to help you get up, Scarface?"

I couldn't help but smile at his comment, and it seems he noticed that.

"Is that a yes?" I heard a sort of entertained tone to his voice, and I didn't need to open my eyes to know he was smirking, and most definitely up to something.

"If you say so..." I felt him get up, and a rush of cool air replaced him. I curled up for warmth.

Within a few seconds I felt him move to pick me up bridal-style, but he was struggling tremendously. I opened my eyes, and though the feeling in my chest got heavier, I pushed it away, and shifted as to help him put me where he needed to be able to pick me up.

"You're not as heavy as I expected." I heard him say in a strained voice, as he finally picked me up.

"Nothing I can't handle though." He said, I wriggled to get off of him, and stood up, a small smile on my face as I thought of his antics.

"I got you to get up _and_ smile. I must be amazing at this." He said with a prideful grin. I shoved him playfully.

"Oh, come on. I smile."

"I don't hear you denying that I'm the best at getting you up." He said with a smirk.

"I'll be upstairs ok?" He said, his smirk had become a small smile, and he placed his hand on my shoulder. Before he could turn to leave, I grabbed it, getting his attention.

"You know, I don't really need the medicine so badly, Draco. We can just... go home." I told him. I saw his smile become serious, as had mine.

"Harry. I don't know if you genuinely believe that, or if you're just trying to get out of taking medicine, but I won't believe it for a second. Every time you forget to take it for a day or two, you start to shut down on everyone. You didn't even want to get up today." He replied. I stared into his eyes, thinking deeply about what he'd just said. I felt that heaviness again, and realized that my small moment of laughter was just that. A small moment.

"I don't want to..." I told him, unsure of how else to defend my thoughts.

"I know... but you have to. But I'll be there." He said, grabbing both my hands. "Don't worry."

I gave him a great big hug, not wanting to let go. He returned it, and spoke into my ear.

"I'm there for you. Everything will be just fine."

————

"Thank you. Have a nice day."

"You too."

We were standing at a pharmacy in Little Whinging. In the Muggle World. It was all of us, but my mind was clouded, and racing. The only thing I could truly perceive was that I was gripping Draco's hand, almost as if I let go I would fall through a bottomless pit. I was holding his hand so tightly I was sure it hurt. My hand was even going numb. Knuckles white. I could only faintly feel him rubbing his thumb across the back of my hand, as some subtle form of comfort. _How did we even get through this?_

I was only able to mutter a single thing.

"Why did everyone have to come?"

I didn't hear a response, but I know there was one, because I recognized the familiar drone of Draco's voice. I hated this. Eight people are here doing the job of one incapable man. Eight people decided they absolutely needed to help one idiot transfer his medication from England, to America.

I was only snapped out of my tense daze when Scorpius's high, bright voice cut through my thoughts.

"Dada, I'm hungry."


	39. Chapter 39

—Harry POV—

—Warning: Suicidal thoughts—

I was only snapped out of my tense daze when Scorpius's high, bright voice cut through my thoughts.

"Dada, I'm hungry."

It was only then that I realized not eating breakfast, and barley eating yesterday, has left this empty, small-feeling hole. And I had been ignoring the constant rumbling of my stomach, and the familiar tickle in my throat.

My mind went completely blank when Draco let go of my hand. And I didn't pay attention to anything that happened after that. Only a few things.

"Harry is hungry too. We should go eat."

_I don't want to go eat._

But somehow, I ended up... somewhere. Sitting at a table. I was so close to Draco that our legs were touching, and I kept it that way. I had gone completely silent. And I didn't care what anyone else was saying. I didn't even know what they were saying. I was too busy pouring all of my energy into not panicking, and staying grounded. And, there was a bowl of soup placed in front of me.

I didn't ignore my hunger after that. My shaking hand picked up the spoon next to me and I ate. It was welcoming. It filled my stomach, and it made me warm. It was soft, and the flavors weren't strong, but it wasn't bland either.

I saw Draco hand me something through my periphery.

"Take this." He said, though it came through as a kind of mumble to me. My medicine was now sitting in the palm of my hand, and I missed the feeling of having Draco's hand in mine, even if it was just to hand me my medicine.

————

"We're going home, Scorpius. Say bye to everyone." Said Draco

"Bye!" Said Scorpius, holding his dad's hand.

"Bye, it was nice playing with you!" Said Rose. I saw Scorpius blush slightly at that.

"Bye mate, and hey; Talk to us... okay?" Said Ron, pulling me into a hug.

"Bye Ron." I said, returning it.

"Bye Harry." Said Hermione, running into my arms.

"Stay in touch. Alright?"

I nodded shortly.

"Let's go." I whispered to Draco.

"Harry." I looked up to see Ginny. Things were quiet, and still.

"Good luck." She said, walking towards me slowly. For a second, we just stood, facing each other, before she gave me a friendly punch in the arm. It looked like she was holding back emotions.

"I'm sorry, Ginny." I said, and like that, Draco, Scorpius, Teddy, and I apparated home. To my home.

It was odd. The house was untouched, and the air musty.

"I'll give it a quick clean with my wand." I heard Draco say.

"Scorpius, Teddy, go ahead and play in Teddy's room."

————

It was late at night now, and Draco and I were laying together in the guest room. At first, we were going to sleep in what used to be mine and Ginny's room, but I felt that would be a cruel thing to do to the ghost of our marriage.

We had cleaned the house, helped Teddy begin the process of packing all of his belongings, cooked dinner- which I only ate half of- and saw some television, before sending the kids off to sleep. The two of us had been laying here for a while now, and my mind had been thinking about these past 3 days. I scooted closer into Draco, resting my head on his chest, before lazily mumbling something that had been on my mind. Something that, now that I think about it, is something that I would only tell him.

"I don't like that everybody knows what I tried to do."

I softly played with the wrinkles on his shirt, letting the weight of the past three days finally fall through my mind, as I listened to his heartbeat.

"Then why on earth did you try to do it?"

I stayed silent, slightly startled by his response. He continued to speak.

"Of course everybody would find out. I'd think your life is important enough."

I stayed still, almost as if I didn't hear him. But, I did. And while I could come up with hundreds of reasons to do what I did, and even more reasons to try again, I still stayed silent. I know that any response would either result in an argument, or a breakdown. And I don't have the energy for either.

"You know that this big fuss has all been because we care about you... right?" I heard him say softly. I felt him caress my back, and I suddenly thought I was obligated to respond- silence was only rude.

"This is different though. It's become such an ordeal. I mean, Ron, Hermione and Ginny wouldn't stop talking about it..." I said quietly.

"And why would you try to do something like that, anyway?" He asked again. I laid there, wondering if a response was really what he needed. Wondering if a response was the right thing to give. I sorted through my thoughts, before stumbling out a sort of answer.

"I... I couldn't take it. Everything I mean. It-". I paused, knowing I could back out of this, but I didn't.

"Everything was just... weighing down on me... It all still is. The difference is that I'm still... recovering from...". My voice trailed off, and this genuinely felt like the most difficult thing I'd ever had to admit. Justifying my own death.

"Recovering from everything that's just happened in England. It's making me feel numb." I said. Things were still, and silent. I don't know if I was truly thinking when I said the next part. And part of me wants to think it's not entirely true, but I can't bring myself to fully believe that.

"Also... every day I feel, well, tired. Exhausted, even. I wake up, and I just want to go back to sleep. I wake up, and, I feel, like I disturbed myself from a sleep that wasn't meant to end yet. Sometimes I wonder: if I fall asleep, If I'll be too tired to ever wake up again. Everything always feels so slow... sluggish, disorienting. And, the days where I have even a drop of energy, I end up reliving my past. I bloody hate my past... it feels quite easy to just, kill myself. To have a day, and control at least my death. And maybe then I won't have to wonder if I'll be too tired to ever wake up again, because I'll be gone..."

"Harry..." I heard him say.

My heart was beating slowly and prominently. It was uncomfortable. I moved, scooting up to hug him properly. I was laying on top of him, and both my arms were on either of his sides, creating as much of a hug as I could. He moved me over, so we could be on our sides, facing each other, and I gave him my tightest one-armed hug, intertwining our legs.

His arm was wrapped around me, and the tips of his fingers played with the hair at the nape of my neck. I felt silent tears slip slowly, and they were absorbed by Draco's shirt because I was pressing myself against him.

"Harry..."

His voice was dripping with concern, sorrow, and fear. I knew that he didn't know what to say. I was okay with that. I just wanted him here. That seemed to have been helping, even if it was only a bit. Even if nobody else noticed.


	40. Chapter 40

——One Week Later——

—Hermione POV—

"I just can't stop thinking about it." I readjusted myself in bed to get comfortable. Ron was laying next to me.

"Thinking about what?" He asked.

"Harry... and Malfoy... everything that happened last week."

I heard him sigh, and felt the bed shift as he turned over to face me.

"I honestly don't know what to think. It's scary... Harry killing himself, I mean."

I couldn't hold back a sob when he mentioned that, but I kept it quiet. Sniffing in, I spoke.

"I just don't understand why he didn't talk to us... a-and we should have seen the signs. We've known him all our bloody lives." I said in frustration.

"And how on earth did Malfoy see it? Malfoy. I mean, how did this all change so quickly? How is it, that all thanks to Malfoy, now suddenly Harry talks to us again, only to go off and-" my breath caught in my throat. I couldn't say it. I'd said it before but now, I couldn't. I closed my eyes, allowing my self to just catch my breath as tears clogged my chest. I hugged Ron desperately, crying into him. I felt an arm come around me, rubbing up and down my back in comfort.

"Believe me, I'm as confused as you are. I don't think even Harry understands what's happening... he looks like he's just floating through life."

"But isn't that what always happens?" I said, sniffling and wiping my eyes, pushing away to be able to speak to Ron face-to face.

"He's always been 'floating through life' in a sense. He's only ever lived for seemingly one reason, and that reason is gone. I..." my eyes widened in realization. "Malfoy is part of that reason. Wh-what if. What if this is Harry holding on to the only thing people know him for. He's never not been somehow related to Voldemort and his death eaters... I... but Malfoy has been nothing like he used to be... No. It doesn't add up. And where on earth did the whole 'being into blokes' come into the picture? I mean. It's not like I never noticed... but he never said anything, he never did anything-"

Ron cut off my rant.

"Hermione, it's late. Please. Let's go to sleep okay? Maybe we can Owl Harry, or visit him and talk. Just us, or just you. Whatever you prefer."

I didn't want to stop because my mind was running wild trying to understand everything. But as he hugged me tight, I realized he's correct. So I cuddled into him, my mind buzzing and teeming with thoughts. And eventually, we fell asleep.

—Harry POV—

I was cutting tomatoes to help Draco cook breakfast, when I was startled by the sound of the fireplace roaring to life. I jumped in the direction of the sound, drawing my wand, before noticing Hermione, covered in floo powder.

"Herm-"

"I need to speak with you." I looked over to Draco in uncertainty.

"Hello M-Draco." She swallowed. "I would like to speak with Harry, in private." She said. Before I knew it, I was being dragged upstairs gently by the arm, and now I'm in my room, with Hermione standing in front of me.

"Harry, please tell me what is going on."

"What do you mean?" I asked, puzzled, and a bit anxious.

"Harry wh-" she signed in frustration. "Everything ha-" she sighed again.

"Harry, Ever since everything happened back at Hogwarts, you stopped talking to us. You left without a goodbye and you went off with Ginny... and an entire decade later, I hear that you ran into Malfoy at the market, and then about a month after that Ginny comes to us crying saying that you... How did this all happen? Tell me Harry. What did I miss? Where was your plan, or your thoughts..."

She clapped her hands onto her thighs, looking away with another sigh. Tears were brimming her bright red eyes. She's been losing sleep because of me, I see it. I know that tired look. When you just can't figure out a puzzle you've been working on for weeks.

"Herm-"

"And Draco Malfoy! The biggest git on planet earth. He- you..." she grabbed me by the upper arm, dragging me with her to the living room where Draco was now finished serving the breakfast we'd been making.

"You!" She said, pointing an accusing finger at Draco, and letting go of my arm.

"Harry would be dead if you weren't there. Why were you there? You never cared about us back then, and now, all of a sudden, you're saving my best friend's life..."

She turned to face me again with a wild look. I could tell she was trying hard to hold back her tears.

"Why would you do that?" She said in a whisper, finally crying.

"How did things get so bad that you-" she took a deep, shaking breath. I honestly felt horribly guilty for everything. I'd broken her by keeping her out of my life, and then coming back after everything had changed.

I took her into a soft hug, my hands shaking, but she didn't hug back, though I knew she was grateful for it. She leaned into me, crying. Things were stiff and silent.

After a while she recomposed herself, and went to Draco again.

"I've never been more grateful that you were around Harry. But why? How? You never cared..."

"I've had an important ten years..." said Draco stiffly. I could tell he was uncomfortable with the whole situation; Seeing Hermione cry over me and my life.

"It changed me..." he added shortly. "Are you going to eat with us? Or..."

"Oh Goodness no. It's almost dinner for me. Time zones..." she replied.

Nothing really happened, yet the air felt thick and heavy. And knowing that I crushed Hermione like this... I mean, I guess I knew, I just refused to think about it... it left an uneasy pit in my stomach that spread throughout me, weighing me down and suffocating me at the same time.

"Harry, I want to ask you another thing in private." She said, not waiting for a response as she dragged me back to the room.

"How did you end up trusting Malfoy before us? Did we do something wrong? Say something?"

"In all honesty he just... caught me... doing things. I couldn't walk away from the situation without explaining. If I had my way I would have never told anyone, even him. But, it happened. And the rest just followed, I guess..." I said, timid and uncomfortable. Admitting I would have preferred that no one found out, even though having Draco there has been helpful, and certain feelings have definitely surfaced ever since then... feelings that I don't want to think about, or talk about. I guess my getting lost in thought showed, because what Hermione asked me next made me get quite defensive.

"Harry. You haven't talked about losing feelings for Ginny, and finding feelings for M-Draco... Have you?"

"You tosser! are you using legilimens on me?!"

"I don't even know how to do that! Besides, I have enough respect to not do that if I could. Jesus, Harry. Have you thought about this? I mean it was all so sudden. Did you always know there was something? Or is it just... happening?!" I could tell my accusation had hurt her, and we were both frustrated at this point. 

I'd never, in any given moment, been more upset at her for bringing up so many things I refused to think about in so little time. My jaw clenched, and I stayed quiet.

"Harry?"

"...I don't know... I..." _God. Why, why, why was she doing this?_

"Why are you asking?" I said, trying and failing to hide my frustration.

"Because _clearly_ you haven't thought about it. Have you even thought about Ginny? Yes, we're all being generally supportive, of course, but just like seemingly everything nowadays with you... It was so sudden. And you were so lost in it all that you, didn't realize? Didn't care?"

"Hermione I don't want to talk about this-"

"Harry you never want to speak about anything. You keep avoi-"

"Will you let me finish at least one damn sentence?!" I snapped, immediately regretting it. I saw Hermione back away, her confident stance now small.

"I-I'm sorry." I told her, my anger settling

"Don't worry. You don't understand... we all love and care about you, and we don't want you to die. It was one thing protecting you from a dark mysterious wizard... but how are we supposed to protect you from yourself? Just... don't push us away anymore Harry."

And with that, she disappeared.


	41. Chapter 41

—Harry POV—

Just... don't push us away anymore, Harry."

And with that, she disappeared.

I turned around, putting my hands on the dresser and leaning into it, thinking. _Really, Hermione you couldn't have waited to bring this up? I was Ignoring it for a reason._

I was short of breath. I walked to the bed, to lay down and relax. To try to catch my breath. _Push, push. Push the thoughts away. Don't think about it. Not yet... I broke her. I hurt everyone. I did all the wrong things._ I curled up, hugging the pillow next to me like it was a small child, except I was gripping it tightly, as tightly as I could.

_ "Everything was so sudden." _

_ "You stop talking to us. You left without a goodbye." _

_ "A decade later, I hear that you ran into Malfoy at the market." _

"Did she just leave?" I heard Draco say in the background, but I didn't answer.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Your tone suggests otherwise... was it what she was talking about?"

"I'm fine. Please just-" I took a deep breath in. I felt like I was choking silently. Like an invisible foam was filling my mouth, throat, and chest, clogging my windpipes.

I got up from the bed, leaning over the dresser again, trying to catch my breath. My heartrate increased, pulsing through my neck, my ears, every inch of my body.

_ "How are we supposed to protect you from yourself? Just stop pushing us away." _

I swallowed. _Stay grounded._ I couldn't really feel much anymore. Everything was blurry and confusing. Time had sped up and slowed down against my will, leaving me feeling lost and panicked.

I don't know when Draco ended up by my side. Or when he hugged me, urging me to pay attention to his deep, slow, breathing and his calm heartbeat. I still don't know how he does that; stays calm.

I don't remember when I started crying uncontrollably. I don't know when I decided to hug him as if letting go would make me die.

I don't remember when he decided to whisper calming words of reassurance, or when I told him everything Hermione said, and how badly I had wanted to avoid all of it.

I don't remember when Scorpius came in, asking what was wrong, and why breakfast had gone cold. Why I was crying into his dads shoulder and why his dad didn't wake him up if it was time to eat.

I don't remember getting the phone call later that night from Ginny, telling me she's pregnant.

I don't remember her saying that it was rape, that it was her fault for being out late at night, that she should have brought her wand. That she should have fought harder. Hysterical, telling me she doesn't know what to do. That she's never been so terrified. I'd heard her cry for the first time ever that night, over the phone. I don't know why, but I wanted nothing but the ability to comfort her at that moment.

I don't remember hurting myself that night. Telling myself it was my fault. Telling Draco she would have been safe if I hadn't scared her away. Draco telling me he'd never shave again if it meant I couldn't take his razor. I don't know why I told him it was his razor, when it was really the old blade from Ron and Hermione's house.

And I don't know how, a few days later, Draco, Scorpius, and I, ended up back in England, for yet another somber occasion.

I don't know how I ended up at the Burrow. I don't know how every single living Weasley found out that Ginny and I are no longer, and that Draco Malfoy is a good guy. How I left Ginny for him, then tried to end my life. I don't remember her explanation for not telling us on the night she was raped, but instead two weeks later.

I clearly remember how it happened, not why I did it, But I told Ginny I would help her with the baby. I felt responsible. I remember Draco's look of surprise. I don't often see many emotions on Draco's face. I don't think he would ever say it, but he didn't like the idea. I remember Hermione's look of disappointment. I remember Molly with an expression of sorrowful gratitude. Ron held a stoic expression. He never does that, stays still. The only time I saw him expressionless like that was during the immediate aftermath of the war. I remember Ginny's look of disbelief. After all, she practically had to raise Teddy alone. Why would she suddenly get help now? I remember clearly how she flinched away when I tried to give her a hug goodbye. She didn't let anybody touch her.

Somehow, everything just has it's way of changing so quickly.


	42. Chapter 42

—Draco POV—

"Are you absolutely insane?!" I exclaimed, seemingly snapping him out of a daze.

"What do you mean?" He asked numbly. I scoffed.

"Harry, really?! Taking care of an unborn child, when you couldn't even watch over a ten-year old?" He stood there quietly, showing no change in outward expression.

"Harry, You cannot meet the needs and demands of an infant when you struggle to even meet your own..." I said, slightly less frustrated, but still just as baffled at him.

"I- I don't..." his voice trailed, and he had a far-off gaze.

"Don't what? Why are you doing this to yourself?" I moved my hands up to rub my temples in frustration. _Of all of the things he could have responded with..._

"You do realize we had to turn over custody of Teddy to his grandmother because you had proven time and time again that your mental health had been long abandoned, right?" I looked up at the man standing across from me. His only response was that of absolute silence. "Harry respond, please."

It seemed he didn't hear me, because he still hadn't spoken.

"Harry." I said, trying to get his attention. "You cannot take responsibility for this."

After a moment, he spoke.

"I need to. She wouldn't be in this situation if the two of us were just... happily living, as a family, in America, like we were meant to be." His tone of voice indicated that he was lost, or at least that's what it looked like. My expression softened slightly. He continued to speak.

"I- This is _my_ problem that I need to fix... I need to be there for her. For her child-"

"You cannot possibly blame yourself for something like this. There are rubbish fools raping women all the time." I paused, realizing that my statement was a bit insensitive.

"It's unfortunate... that Ginny was one of them. But that's not your fault. You did not rape her, and you did not send that git to do it either. This isn't your child, and you can't be taking care of one anyway. Besides, Ginny is carrying the unborn. You should ask her what she prefers before going off making stupid and ridiculous proclamations." By the time I'd finished my small rant, I was slightly out of breath. Harry seemed to have fallen back into silence.

"Please. Go talk to Ginny about this."

"Draco you don't understand. I need to help her-"

"No. You need to help yourself. You are not in the state to be helping anyone else. Not me, not Ginny, not her brothers, or her parents, or Hermione. You need to lookout for yourself for once." I stared at him in the eyes with a pleading expression. I was breathing heavily from my small fit of passion, but I stood firm in what I'd said.

————

—Harry POV—

"Harry, I think Malfoy is right." Said Ginny, I looked at her in shock.

"I want the help. And I appreciate it. But you can't be going out of your way for something that you can't handle. I have Ron, Hermione, and everyone else in the family. I'll go to counseling to get past what happened... We don't need you to save the world anymore, Harry."

Is this really what it is? Just me jumping at the first chance to help someone other than myself?

"Ginny, this is about you. About the child-"

"And you are recovering from your own things..." she swallowed thickly. "I won't let you take any larger of a role than you need to. You can be there, I'm not leaving you out. I could never... but you are not taking the role of a parent again. Not right now. Besides, you really don't need to."

"Gin... why didn't you tell us when it happened?"

"I was scared. I didn't know I'd end up like this, the healers told me he didn't pass anything on to me. I thought I could just... get through it." I noticed her scratching her arm, and I understood.

"Don't do that." I said softly. "Don't... it doesn't help..." I said, head hung low in shame. _I'm such a hypocrite. Telling her not to do something while the arms under my own sleeves are littered with marks._

I swallowed the sour taste that had formed in my mouth, and reached out to take her arm gently. She flinched slightly, but let me take it. I rolled up her sleeve, seeing nothing more than her anxious nail marks on a red, raw patch of skin.

"It doesn't help." I whispered, holding back tears. It's all worse when you're the one looking at someone else's marks. I took a deep breath.

"He held me there... by the arms. I couldn't move them..." she took her arm back, putting the sleeve in its place. It was as if speaking of the memory made her feel it all over again.

I understood that.

"Please see someone... you can't do stuff like this. Especially not with the baby." I looked at her in the eyes.

"Promise you won't turn out like me because of this..."

"I'll see someone. Don't worry. I don't think it's quite possible to turn out like you... You have decades of trauma... for me it was just one night..." She looked around, obviously uncomfortable by the topic. Things were silent for a second before I responded.

"That doesn't make it any better or worse..." I replied. "That doesn't make it any more or less likely..."

I wiped my eyes, standing up with a sniffle.

"I'm leaving now. You don't hesitate to call me..."

"I won't." I heard her say. After one last look into my eyes, I went downstairs, and left with Draco and Scorpius.

————

When we got to the house, Draco had said something, but I ignored it. I needed silence to engulf me. I needed to feel the swelling in my chest.

I walked away- upstairs, into the guest room- closing the door behind me. I shut my eyes tight, taking in a deep breath. The exhale, however, came out as a soundless sob. I shook.

I could feel everything. From today, all the way through my first year at Hogwarts. It sent shivers across my being.

Every breath was painful, and I lay on the bed, gaping like a fish while I cried helplessly. I hated the wave of uncomfortable warmth that always accompanied this. It always made me feel like if I touched my face I'd burn.

I only heard the door open. I knew who it was though. Who else would it be? But my mind couldn't preoccupy itself with who was at the door. It was too busy sending jolts of pain everywhere. Too busy making sure my body convulsed with every sob. Too busy making sure I could feel every last ounce of pain and sorrow coursing through my veins.

Every exhale pained my chest, and every inhale scratched at my throat. I felt familiar strong hands wrapping around me.

"What's wrong?" he asked. However, I could only shake my head. I don't want to talk, I don't want to hear him talk. I hugged him back, taking to allowing tears to soak through his shirt, instead of my pillow case. You could see and feel my trembling, I couldn't even properly hug him back for a second, because of it.

I just need to feel everything. No words, no thoughts.


	43. Chapter 43

—5 days later—

  
—Draco POV—

I turned around in bed, seeing Harry asleep beside me. He looked peaceful, happy. He had a good nights sleep. That's his third in a row. I leaned up, and gave him a soft kiss.

"Good morning." I whispered, before placing a peck in his forehead. He began to stir, and I moved out of the way to let him stretch.

"Hi." He said, leaning over to the nightstand to grab his glasses and put them on. I smirked.

"Harry, I can't believe you."

"What?" He said in confusion.

"Come here." I said, leaning in to give him another kiss. Moving on top of him. He kissed back, and we continued like that for a few seconds. It was slow. I wanted more. He pushed away gently.

"Is that all?" He asked with a smirk. I laid back down beside him.

"Maybe. How did you sleep?" I asked.

"I slept well." He said.

"Good." I replied, before returning for a passionate kiss, he kissed back slightly, pushing me off him again.

"I can't right now." Harry claimed. I looked at him, my eyes squinting in confusion.

"Why?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"Because," He let out a sigh. "Everything. And on top of that, Hermione makes me think."

"Are you serious, Harry? What is it that makes you not want to snog for an entire week?" I said, frustrated.

"She keeps asking about how this happened. I mean, how you, and I... basically, how did we skip _just_ being civil? I always thought you had just, caught me. Maybe though, maybe when you caught me I was so desperate for help that I didn't care it was you... and then, I don't know what happened after that..." his voice trailed. His eyes were full of thought yet his facial expression was vacant.

"Excuse me?" I said, resting my head on my hand, propped up by my elbow, eyeing Harry with a look that said _you better save yourself from this one._

He looked at me, eyes widening. "N-no! Not like that, not-" he sighed, sitting up. "It's not that I don't-"

"So let me help guide you through this..." I said, cutting him off, and contrasting is panicked tone with one slow, and low. "You didn't care that it was me, because you needed help. From anyone. So, is that all this is? Just you needing help? Nothing more?" I'll admit it was difficult to keep my composure, and feelings of anger and suspicion were bubbling, but I hid them. Knowing, hoping, that Harry would have a response. He looked down at his lap, then snapped his head in my direction.

"N-no! Not at all, it's not like th-" he sighed, looking around, and I could see he was shaking slightly. I stayed put, raising a single eyebrow.

"I-" he swallowed. "I mean, on that day, my thoughts were consistently about finding a way to not have to talk to you about what you were seeing. Knowing that you realized something was wrong since the day we met in the bathroom at the market was scary." He let out a shaky sigh again, voice still alert. I sat up, so we could see eye-to-eye.

"I- you-" another sigh, he was growing increasingly uncomfortable, scared. "You have to understand I don't like talking to anybody. And you just, saw me, there, and, I thought there was no way out. I guess the better part of me took over and I, told you... but-"

"Okay, breathe, listen. I understand that." I told him. I thought to hold his hands but I didn't. "Listen. I want to know, if that's still what this is..." He could tell my voice had a dangerous undertone. Saying the wrong thing could turn into an argument. One that I was giving him the chance to keep away. I could immediately jump in, accusingly, with 'so that's what this is to you? You don't really care?' But I'm not doing that.

"N-no. It's not! I l- I care about you, tremendously. I like you a lot." He seemed to calm down, looking defeated. I took his hands. I wouldn't show it, but I was relieved. Relieved because everything that has happened recently seemed to revolve around two things. Harry's mental health, and our mysterious, and deep, sudden liking to one another.

"I just- I don't know how it happened... I don't know how circumstances forcing me to open up, turned into feelings, and I don't understand..." he said, stumbling over his words.

"That's okay." I whispered, before clearing my throat, speaking normally. "It doesn't matter how it happened, or what clicked in your brain... who cares that Hermione doesn't understand, or that none of us do? Who cares? Because it's here, and it's real. You've just proven that." I said as we stared into each other's eyes intently. "We don't need to understand everything..." we stayed still for a few seconds, and I broke the silence. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah. Y-yes. I'm okay. I just kind of, I-" he was thinking of a way to say it, I knew because his face was scrunched in concentration as he looked into his own mind for the right words. "You're intimidating, sometimes... I-I don't know..." he said, that last part rather quickly.

"I get that. Don't worry. I wouldn't hurt you even if I was mad. And yes, I was a bit worried of your answer, but it's okay. Besides," I swallowed, knowing the next part would give Harry a freedom he deserves, one that I almost didn't want him to have. Because I'm possessive. And because I want him to be with me, not anyone else. "Besides, you have a right to your own opinion. You can make your own decisions and choices. If you had said you didn't care in the way that you do, then I can't do anything about that. You deserve to be with and care about whoever you want." My throat was dry by the end of my explanation, and swallowing didn't do anything to aid that. But I told the truth, as much as I disagree.

"But I do care about you. And I want to be with you." He whispered. I fought back a smile, successfully. I thought to reply, but I didn't. Instead I leaned in and gave him a slow, simple, emotional kiss, which he returned. It felt amazing to be able to do this without every doubt clouding your mind. Knowing that you both care just as much as the other.


	44. Chapter 44

—9 days later—  
— Draco POV—

I made my way down the stairs, looking around at the dark living room. Everything was quiet, and the small stream of moonlight coming from Harry's sliding backyard door did little to light the room, but it was enough.

Making my way to the coffee table where my wand sat, I grabbed it, using a simple spell to move the coffee table over quietly. My cold feet landed on the rug, and I stood there for a second, closing my eyes.

_Think._ I took deep, slow breaths. _Concentrate._ _The happiest memory I can muster._ I told myself. _Scorpius... Harry... Astoria... being declared innocent..._ I couldn't stay on one. I've already tried Astoria, but her memory is tainted by her death. Being declared free was only legal, nobody truly sees me that way. _Harry_... is filled... with melancholy memories... He fills me with a loving concern... _Scorpius_... I took another deep breath in. _Please let this work._ I took a side stance, wand pointing out at the wall in front of me. I've never been able to do this. No matter how much I've tried. _I can do this now._ I opened my eyes, taking one last deep breath.

"Expecto-"

"Dada?"

My head snapped in the direction of the stairs behind me, where Scorpius stood. The moonlight reflected tear marks down his cheeks.

"Hey. What's wrong?" I said, putting my wand down, on the couch beside me, shifting to stand normally.

"I had a bad dream." He said, sniffling a little bit. I took two large strides over to him, crouching down to be at eye level. He took me into a hug as tight as he could make it.

"It's okay. You're super strong, no monsters can get you." I said, returning the hug. His nightmares have always been ones of fantasy. Monsters chasing him, usually.

"There weren't any monsters anymore. I was back at great auntie Andromeda's house, but you never came back to pick me up." He said, sniffling again. My face fell.

"Scor, you know I would never leave like that... come on, who's the person I care about most?" I asked in an attempt at comfort.

"I- don't know." He said with a shaky, small inhale. I lifted him up, and his tiny legs wrapped around my torso as I held him.

"Do you want me to give you a hint? I'll give you a hint." I said, I felt him nod his head against my shoulder.

"Here's your hint." I said, a slight smirk forming on my features.

"He has, white blond hair, just like his dad. He is seven years old, and he is the strongest little boy I've ever met." I placed him down on the kitchen counter, looking at him. "I know it's a difficult puzzle, but you're smart. Who do you think it is?"

I earned a smile from him at that. I spoke again. "I don't hear an answer." I said, the smirk now obvious on my face, he giggled.

"Does that mean you know?" He shook his head, fully laughing now.

"Here's another hint. His name starts with S, and ends with 'corpius" I said, holding back a laugh myself. I leaned down and gave him a hug.

"I love you."

"I love you too dada."

"I'm never going to leave you. Okay?"

"Okay."

I removed myself from the hug. He was still sat on the counter. I ruffled his hair a little bit, earning a small laugh as he weakly tried to take my hand away.

"Your birthday is soon. Isn't it?" I asked, knowing the answer already. Scorpius nodded his head eagerly.

"I'm a big kid now!"

"Yes, you are. How soon is your birthday? What month are we in?" I stepped aside, so he could see the calendar stuck to the refrigerator that read ' _NOVEMBER'_

"Hold on, this calendar is wrong." I said, grabbing a pen that hung off of the calendar with a string. I crossed out the last box in November, and turned the page, crossing out the first box in December.

"There. What month and day is it?"

"December second."

"Correct. And how far is that from your birthday?" I asked expectantly. Scorpius scrunched up his face, and began counting with his fingers.

"3 months!" He said excitedly, his eyes lit up.

"You're growing up so fast. I think it's too fast. You need to stay little." I told him. He seemed to disagree.

"No! I want to be a big kid." His face was one of childish anger. I chuckled, picking him up and putting him back on the floor.

"Off to bed now, it's still the middle of the night. We've stayed up long enough." I told him.

"Wait. What were you doing when I came to find you?" I looked at him, holding back any expression.

"Just practicing some difficult magic." I told him, not lying.

"Did you do it?" He asked inquisitively.

"No, I didn't. That's okay though. It's not something I need..." My mind began to wander towards the concept behind being able to cast a Patronus charm. Being able to have happy enough memories, and channel them, turn them into a light, meaningful power. One that can protect you, and people you care about.

"I'm going to get myself a glass of water. Do you want one?" I asked Scorpius.

"Okay." He said. I grabbed one glass, and one plastic cup, which I gave to Scorpius. We served ourselves water, and I moved towards what used to be Teddy's room, before remembering the coffee table I had moved over.

"Hold on one second, Scorpius." I walked towards the table, grabbing my wand from the couch, and using the same simple charm from before, to move the table from its place against the wall, to the center of the rug in the living room, where it had been previously.

"Okay. Upstairs. Let's go." I said, ushering him up, and following behind him.

"Goodnight, I'll see you in the morning." I told him, pulling the covers to his shoulders.

"Goodnight dada."

I closed the door, taking a hearty gulp of my water, before making my way to the guest room, where Harry still insisted we sleep.

I closed the door quietly, staring at Harry, to make sure he doesn't wake up. He's been sleeping alright lately. He hasn't woken up in the middle of the night nearly as much as he used to. He still does have some nights, but I was happy at his progress. He hasn't hurt himself in a long while as well. I think that if we continue the way we have, he might finally be able to start on the path to healing.

I silently, stealthily, slipped myself under the covers after putting my water down on the nightstand, still observing the sleeping man beside me. I moved around, to get comfortable. And when I did, Harry stirred. I stiffened, making sure he wouldn't fully wake up. He brought an arm around my torso, cuddling into me. I returned it. And before long, I was fast asleep again.


	45. Chapter 45

—11 days later—  
  


—Harry POV—

My eyes snapped open, and after a second, I realized I was in bed, with Draco by my side. I caught my breath in an attempt to calm down, vivid memories of the Dursley's in my mind.

Carefully, I left the bed, hopefully without waking Draco, and made my way to the bathroom. _"Go- cupboard- stay- no meals."_ Once there, the first thing I did was close the door, and splash my face with cold water. My pulse was in my throat, and my head was pounding. I backed into the wall and sunk to the floor, breathing heavily. _"I'll flay you to within an inch of your life when the Mason's leave boy."_ I screwed my eyes shut in a weak attempt to ease the pain, but it only made my spinning head feel worse. My irregular breathing became a thing of minimal focus, as my tears choked me up threatening to fall. _"I'm locking you up. … You're never going back to that school... never... and if you try and magic yourself out—they'll expel you!"_ I put my hands to my head and hit it against the wall behind me, instantly regretting it. _What if I wake Draco?_ I allowed myself to fall sideways onto the floor and curled into a ball. I inhaled sharply as my tears finally fell, letting out an audible gasp. I quickly covered my mouth. I don't want to wake him, he's been getting less sleep because of me. He deserves a night without my problems.

Why did I agree to meet with Dudley this Christmas? It's a trap. He's going to have Uncle Vernon strangle me. It's not like he's never tried to choke me before. Now I don't even need Uncle Vernon's help to feel like I'm suffocating. My mind lets me feel that all on my own. I eyed the sink, and the drawer right below it, knowing what sits in there. The blade I took back in London. _Maybe it can help. Instead of letting tears flow I can let my blood flow. I'll release myself that way. Besides, it's silent. Draco won't be woken by me again. And I don't have to cry, like a stupid child._ I told myself, reaching to open the drawer.

My fingers ran across the small blade sitting in the drawer. I grabbed it, closing the drawer silently, and sitting up against the wall. I brought a shaking hand to my left wrist, and dragged the blade slowly and lightly. Nothing happened except me feeling the touch of a cold blade for the first time in a month. my next swipe held more pressure, mostly to stop my shaking. It was as though each millimeter passed by the knife could be felt opening individually, forming a trail of broken skin where a rush of color led to beads of crimson. I sniffled, taking a beep breath. I felt relieved and open. I made another cut, followed by another, and another.

After becoming eerily calmed, and having red lines over old scars on both of my arms, I washed the blade and hid it again, before rinsing the blood off and dabbing my small slits with toilet paper, which I then promptly flushed down the toilet. I took another deep breath, grateful to have been able to calm down.

*knock knock*

My head snapped in the direction of the closed door next to me, and I began to panic. He'll see. The one night I sleep in short sleeves, and leave my wand in the bedroom. _Fuck._

"Harry?" Whispered Draco through the door.

"Yeah. I'm finishing up." I whispered urgently, turning the sink on and rinsing my hands. After, I turned the light off and opened the door. He stared sleepily, I didn't move or speak.

"May I use the bathroom?" He asked expectantly. I snapped out of my panicked daze.

"Yeah. Yeah... Sorry." I said, moving out of the way. He closed the door behind me and I went back to the room, laying down in my original spot. After around 3 minutes, Draco came back. I turned onto my side, facing away from him.

"You looked like you were crying. Are you ok?" He asked.

"I wasn't crying." I told him, burying myself deeper into the blanket, feeling like he knew what I did.

"But are you okay?" I could feel his line of sight on the back of my head.

"Y- of course. I'm- just tired."

"Okay... goodnight."

"Goodnight." I told him. However, I didn't go back to sleep, remembering more.

_ I ran down the stairs two at a time, coming to an abrupt halt several steps from the bottom, as long experience had taught _ _ me _ _ to remain out of arm's reach of _ _ U _ _ ncle  _ _ Vernon  _ _ whenever possible. _

_ I felt as if my head had been split in two; eyes streaming, I swayed, trying to focus on the street and spot the source of the noise, but I had barely gotten upright again when two large hands reached through the open window and closed tightly around my neck. _

_ "Put — it — away!" Uncle Vernon snarled. _   
_ "Now! Before — anyone — sees!" _

_ "Get — off — me!" I gasped, struggling to breathe. I kept trying to pry his fingers off of me with my left hand, my right firmly gripping my wand. _

I shuddered, remembering that as one of the two times I'd accidentally electrocuted uncle Vernon, except that time, I knew about magic, and so did he. I felt an uncomfortable pit forming in my stomach, and suddenly everything felt cold. I turned my head and noticed Draco fell back to sleep, so I turned around and hugged him tightly, in need of comfort. He returned it. I felt my headache return, causing me to scrunch my face.

Soon, there was a feather-soft pair of lips placing a peck upon my forehead.

"Talk to me. What's wrong?" He whispered gently, with tiredness in his voice. I shook my head.

"It's okay..." I told him.

"Does it have to do with that letter you received today in the muggle mail? What was it about?"

"It's nothing important. My head just hurts a lot." I said, burying myself further into our hug, letting his warmth encase me.

"You know I'll be here for you during everything." He said, placing a small kiss on my temple. "Tell me when you're ready."

————

The next morning, I woke to Draco shaking me.

"Hey. We've all been up for a while... Come on, get up. You have to eat and take your medicine." I turned around and looked up at him for a second before turning onto my stomach and pulling the covers over my head, which were promptly yanked away. I made sure my arms were hidden.

"Let's go. The day has already started." He said as though he were a parent, I could sense him standing by the bed. I just knew his arms were crossed. I only groaned, finding the covers and covering myself again, wanting the comfort of soft warmth.

His demeanor changed when he realized I wasn't going to summon the energy to talk. Everything was heavy, weighing me down and keeping me with an overwhelming desire to do absolutely nothing.

"Are you doing okay?" He asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed. I didn't move or show any indication towards answering. I only hoped he'd get the message.

"I'll bring your medicine up..." he moved to get off of the bed, and before then, I moved my hand slightly and tapped on whatever part of him I landed on, signaling that I just want to stay laying down with him.

"Soon, okay? I need to take care of Scorpius."

I nodded slightly in understanding, and he left the room. I felt the heavy lull of time as my head spun, causing my perception of reality to swirl and blur. Draco came back with two pills and a glass of water.

"Here." He said while sitting down on the side of the bed again. I didn't move, feeling drained.

"Harry, you know I'm not leaving until you take it." I nodded minimally.

"What's wrong?" He said. I heard the clink of the glass on the nightstand.

"Harry..."

With all of the strength I could muster I spoke.

"I don't want to get up" Those 6 simple words sucked all of my energy from me, leaving an uncomfortable feeling in the center of my chest. There was a silence, everything spun around again.

"Today is one of those days..." he said in understanding. And for the third time today, a sharp pain came through to the front of my head. I squeezed my face in discomfort.

"The medicine will help you feel better, come on. You can lay back down after you take it." I flopped around and looked at him with a bothered expression. His expression was a pleading one. I slowly rose, feeling my heaviness attempt to push me down and the fuzziness in my brain swirl and settle to the bottom of my mind, before taking my meds, and taking a sip of water, carefully positioning my arms in a way so he couldn't see my new scars. The ones flooded with guilt from going behind his back and not telling him. I laid back down.

————

About an hour and a half later I decided to get up, feeling hungry. I rolled off the bed and left the room soundlessly, not wanting to bother anyone, and made my way to the kitchen, where Draco was leaning over a sheet of parchment, and Scorpius was staring intently at whatever Draco was writing.

"No. You have to remember to carry the one."

"But I already moved the one!"

"No you-" he took a deep breath in frustration, his head was in his hands and a pencil was in the other.

"You need to carry the four from here to here and THEN you carry the ONE from there to the hundreds place." Said Draco in an exasperated tone.

I decided to leave myself out of their discussion, still not feeling fully better from last night and this morning. I stepped over to the fridge, and Draco turned over.

"Hi. Are you hungry? There's leftover eggs from breakfast if you-"

"Yeah..." I said shyly. Feeling bad for interrupting.

He walked over to the microwave and pressed on the '30 seconds' button before turning to face me.

"Are you feeling better?" I nodded.

"Good. What was all that about the letter you received yesterd-"

"You didn't read it right?" He eyed me suspiciously after my remark.

"...no? Why?"

"It's just, stupid stuff..." I said. The microwave beeped. And Draco turned over to turn off the microwave and take out my plate.

"I could have prepared it... you didn't have to go through that." I said, my arms became slightly itchy and my chest tightened slightly.

"Oh please it was one button to press. You have to let me do some things for you, besides I really don't mind." He said while pulling out a fork from the drawer.

"You already do so much-" he put the plate in my hands and stared into my eyes.

"And I want to do more. Go ahead and eat." He said softly. I sat down by the kitchen counter and began eating small bits as my mind wandered.

_I need to tell him what I did last night. But I would just be bothering him. What if he's ok with it? Of course he won't be ok with it. But what if he can help? What if he just gets mad? But he hasn't gotten mad. He told me to talk to him. But I didn't. He'd be disappointed, no, mad._ I was tapping my fingers on the table in a rapid fashion and didn't realize that I'd stopped eating after 6 bites.

"Harry, are you ok?" Asked Draco, peering over from the parchment he'd been working on with Scorpius, who just looked over at me with no expression. I looked in his direction.

"Yeah. I think I'm going to return to the bedroom. Thank you for the food." I said, getting up and leaving the kitchen.

I took a deep breath, making my way to the room, entering and closing the door.

_It's fine. Everything is fine._ I told myself. _It's ok. Nothing happened. Breathe_.

_Breathe._

I closed my eyes and focused on my surroundings. _I need to tell him._


	46. Chapter 46

—Harry POV—

I closed my eyes and focused on my surroundings. _I need to tell him._

After a few minutes I was able to recompose myself. Now, I was sat on the bed, trying to figure out how I would bring it up. A knock came at the door.

"Harry, are you alright?" I heard from beyond the door. I need to tell him. After a second of hesitation, I opened the door. "Is everything alright?" Draco asked with a soft smile. "I..." I had started to explain. _What if I'm bothering him?_ The doubt started coming back. _What would I even say?_

"Harry?" Draco asked with a concerned expression, his smile slightly faded. I took in his features, shoving my previous thoughts to the back of my mind.

In a moment of bravery, I looked up and moved forward, his face inching ever closer to mine. I kept my arms stiffly at my side.

"Harry..." he breathed.

Without hesitation, I leaned forward to kiss him. After a few feather-light kisses, Draco wrapped his arms around my neck. The kiss deepened, and I tried to close any distance left between us.

Draco's hands moved down, and I felt him trying to bring my arms out from my sides to wrap around his waist, but I kept them at my sides regardless of Draco's subtle attempts, not wanting him to feel my new scars there. I deepened our kiss, and, to my dismay, he broke it.

"Harry... what's wrong?"

"Nothing... why did you-"

"You wouldn't let me take your arms...you wouldn't hug me. You always hug me." He said with a confused and stern expression. I stayed silent.

He glanced down at my arms, then back at me. I could see he was thinking. I felt uncomfortable under his analytical gaze.

"Harry, can I see your ar-"

"I need to talk to you about something." I blurted out. "You have to promise you won't be mad though." I felt myself trembling, but I kept my eyes firm with his, ignoring my pounding heart, my shaking body, and my slightly watery eyes.

"Oka-"

"You also have to understand... I..." I tried to think about what I was saying. "I don't know why... and, I don't really want to tell you what it's about."

"What is it?" He said firmly with worry lacing his tone.

I took a breath out and sat down before turning my arms so he could see. I took a sharp breath in, nervous for his reaction.

He sat down, not removing his sights from what I'd done, and he reached out to hold my wrists. I flinched slightly, my breathing labored.

"...when did you..."

"Last night." I said confidently, cursing at my wavering voice. He looked up at me, but I still kept my head down, trained on the deepest cut I'd made. He brought my chin up, and at that moment I'd never been so terrified of getting lost in his vivid grey eyes.

"Look at me, please." He said softly, bringing his hand back down. His next question was a whisper.

"Why didn't you wake me?"

I took a deep breath, tearing my eyes away from his, my chest felt as if it was weighing down on me as it did this morning.

I replied as quietly as him. "I didn't want to bother you. You've been losing sleep because of me anyway. I didn't think I would do it though."

I took a deep breath in, trying to stop the wetness in my eyes from leaving. I felt ashamed and horrible for what I'd done to Draco.

I took another sharp breath, but it caught in my throat.

"I don't want to keep bothering you." I whispered, closing my eyes and hugging myself.

"Come here." He said softly, scooting next to me. I sniffled, still hopeful that I could hold back tears. He enveloped me into a hug, I leaned into him.

"You can cry, you know." He said into my ear.

"I'm tired of crying." I said as tears finally fell. "I'm tired of reliving my childhood."

"It's okay... I'm here. Don't worry. We'll get through this with time."

I sniffled again, removing my glasses so I could wipe my eyes. I set them down on the night stand. Before leading the both of us to lay down. I hugged him, burying my face into his chest.

"Harry. Please talk to me. Tell me what made you do this." I only hugged him tighter, trying to stop my shaking.

"Harry, I've been letting you keep to yourself, but now I need you to tell me. Don't worry about how I'll react." I cried harder, knowing he's right and not wanting to admit it. I also don't want to talk about it, knowing it will allow the thoughts to stay fresh in my mind.

"Please. It will help me know how to help you." He said. He then stopped our hug, making deliberate space between us. I felt a rush of   
cool fresh air and took a deep breath.

"You won't be able to breathe if you keep your face pressed up against me." I scooted up so our faces were level. He began sweeping my hair out of my face, and then he placed a soft kiss on my nose, before wiping the streaks of tears from my face.

"What woke you? Was it a nightmare?" He asked gently. I nodded.

"What was it about?" He coaxed.

"Something you don't know about." I said sorrowfully.

"Then tell me about it."

"It's just, family stuff."

"Not to be blunt, but your immediate family is dead."

"No, not them. it's..." I took a breath.

"My aunt and uncle... and my cousin."

"The Muggles? What about them?" He asked.

"It's just, stuff that I've been remembering from when I lived with them." I said, not wanting to go into more detail.

"Well, if it was so bad that it makes you wake up and go hurt yourself then I think you need to elaborate on that."

"When I talk about it I start remembering more. I hadn't had trouble because of them for a long time, then I accidentally told you that they... ignored... me. And I started remembering. And then that letter came and now I just-"

"The letter you got yesterday was from your Muggle relatives?" I tensed, before nodding in agreement.

"What did it say?" I noticed his tone was becoming more stern and protective.

"It... it's nothing really-"

"Well, 'nothing' seems to be affecting you. Where is it. I want to read your owl."

"It's not an owl-"

"Whatever. Your Muggle mail. Show it to me." He said.


	47. Chapter 47

—Harry POV—

"The letter you got yesterday was from your Muggle relatives?" I tensed, before nodding in agreement.

"What did it say?" I noticed his tone was becoming more stern and protective.

"It... it's nothing really-"

"Well, 'nothing' seems to be affecting you. Where is it. I want to read your owl."

"It's not an owl-"

"Whatever. Your Muggle mail. Show it to me." He said.

I turned over and opened the drawer to retrieve the opened letter from Dudley. I felt the bed shift as Draco moved to sit up. I handed him the letter, and he began reading silently.

"There's nothing bad about this... he just wants you to come over on Christmas Day." he said, looking up from the letter with a soft confusion on his face.

"I know. I told you it's nothing." I replied.

"Then why did you react the way you did?" He asked.

"It's the thought of going back there. He mentioned in the letter that he lives in the same place he used to, except now with his fiancée. I don't know if I can handle going back there." I explained.

"Then tell him that... wait, what was so horrible about-"

"I already told him I'd visit... I don't want to talk about my time there."

"I think you need to." He stated matter-of-factly.

Just as I was thinking of a way to not go into detail, there was a knock at the door, followed by it being opened.

"Dada! I finished the worksheet can I watch a movie?" Pleaded Scorpius. Saved by the bell. Draco sighed, glancing at me.

"Yes. I'll help you choose a movie and set it up." He said, getting up from the bed and leaving. I took a breath of relief. I don't want to go into detail. I don't want to break down again, I don't want the nightmares and anxiety to get worse.

_Anything can Happen on Christmas. What if I don't even show up? Would they hunt me down for that? Hurt me? What if nothing happens and I'm just over-working myself? What if all hell breaks loose? What if I get there and then I get trapped, and then I can never leave, and I go back to the way things were every summer of my childhood? What if Dudley is good now? What if his parents come over as well? What would Uncle Vernon think? Will I have to hex them and escape to safety? What if Dudley's fiancée is just as vile as I remember Dudley was?_ All of these thoughts kept going past me, but not more than one specific question: _Why did I ever agree to join him for Christmas?_

"I'm back." Said Draco as he re-entered the room.

"Do I really need to talk about it?" I asked. Draco sighed.

"Look, I'm not going to force you to tell me about it." He sat down. "But if it's bothering you to the point where you take this extreme action, deliberately harming yourself..." he paused. "I think it would help to talk about it."

"I know." I said, absentmindedly scratching my arms.

"Stop that." He said, swatting at my hand. I stopped immediately.

"Sorry. I didn't realize-"

"I know." He said softly, his gaze down. Then, without another word, he got up, and moved towards the door.

"Where are you going?" I said, getting up after him.

"The bathroom."

"What? Why?" I asked, following him in. He opened the vanity first, looked in it, closed it, then opened the cabinet under the sink.

"What are you doing?" I asked again.

"Looking for it. Where are you hiding the blade?"

"W-what?! N-no it's-"

He abruptly stood and turned to me "Where is it?" I swallowed nervously.

"I-In the drawer with your hair brush... under the old bottle of hair gel." I said, looking down in defeat.

I saw him open the drawer and pick up the old, unused container, where, taped under it, was my blade. He took it. I sucked in a breath.

"Wh-" I tried asking.

"I'm getting rid of it, no questions." He interrupted, going past me. I followed him again.

"No. Stay here. I'm not letting you find out where it is."

I sat down against the wall with my knees up, and after a minute or so, he came back to where I stayed. I went back to the bedroom, and I could hear his footsteps behind me.

When I entered the room, Draco closed the door behind us. I laid down in the bed, trying to get the uncomfortable feeling I had to leave me. He sat down next to where I lay. but I didn't say anything for a while though, and neither did he.

"The Dursley's where quite cruel... I've been hurt by them... hit, strangled, dragged... they always made sure to either completely ignore my existence, or make sure that I heard every bad thing they said about me... they lied about my parents... they said they went drunk driving in a deliberate attempt to kill us three. They never even told me when." I paused, taking a breath.

"I'd asked Aunt Petunia once... I got sent to my cupboard for that. Locked in. That seemed to be their favorite way to punish me. Time was always a torturous blur in there.

Whenever I wasn't in the cupboard, I was doing work. Mending the garden, cooking, cleaning... it wasn't until my Hogwarts letter arrived, addressed to ' _the cupboard under the stairs_ _'_ , that they moved me to the smallest bedroom. Dudley's second bedroom full of broken toys. They put at least five locks on the outside of the door when they put me there."

"Harry?" I heard him whisper, while placing a hand on my shoulder. I ignored it.

"I was starved... I didn't know a properly full stomach until I went to Hogwarts. And they did everything they could to keep me from it. We'd traveled across town to a hut on an island... they even put bars on my bedroom window.

One time, Dudley and I got attacked by a Dementor and I saved him. They sent Aunt Petunia a Howler for that saying I can't do magic outside of school. Uncle Vernon was terribly glad to hear that. I'll never forget his smile, it made me feel sick... He told me he would lock me up, and that if I tried to escape with magic it'd be no use because I'd get expelled." I shuddered as all of the memories came back to me.

I found that if I just don't eat what they give me, I won't feel as hungry. But I couldn't help but eat when they _did_ feed me, it always left me feeling worse than before.

I always made sure to keep away from Dudley and his gang. Their favorite game was called 'Harry Hunting'... I also always made sure to stay out of arm's reach of Uncle Vernon whenever possible." I sucked in a sharp breath, struggling to keep myself composed.

"You don't need to continue..." Draco commented warily.

"I had to endure them every Summer. Hogwarts was my only escape... that summer when they barred me in, Ron, Fred, and George came to save me... Uncle Vernon almost caught me though, he tried to drag me back in by the foot while they tried getting me into the flying car... another time that he'd locked me in, Tonks, Moody, Kingsley, and professor Lupin had saved me... I was lucky to have them. I don't know why they ever thought to go out of their ways to do that."

"Harry those Muggles are vile creatures. Nobody deserves that."

"I'm sure when we were younger you would have laughed at my suffering."

"No. I wouldn't have... if anything, it would have changed how I saw you. I had always been jealous of what I thought was your perfect life... I was horrible to you back then, and I was only adding to what you already had to endure at home-"

"That place isn't my home. It never was... It was a prison. It was my own personal Hell."

"That doesn't justify that I was insufferable to you... I know I've apologized so many times before but, I just... every day I regret my past more and more. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You didn't know. Nobody really knew the extent of it. I'll never forget how scared I was arriving at the burrow before second year. The year Ron, Fred, and George had saved me. Ron was explaining to his mum why they'd taken the flying car to the Muggle World. She was furious. Saying she ought to put bars on _his_ window, the way he found me. I felt kind of helpless, like I shouldn't have been able to escape. I felt like Ron should have never tried to help me. I felt guilty for being grateful." I wiped my watered eyes.

"I feel like telling you all of this was a bad idea. I'm scared to look at you... you're probably upset... but mostly, I'm just hoping that all of this doesn't haunt my dreams like it used to.

I never told anyone this, but... the memory I use to cast a Patronus Charm is the memory of my 11th birthday, when Hagrid told me about being a wizard and going to a far off school. I was happy because of the sheer idea of getting a chance to leave the Dursleys."

"I'm not mad... at you..." I heard him say. I took a deep breath. I can't believe I just told him things that nobody else knows about me.   
He spoke again.

"I wish you had better relatives, and that you never had to understand and experience what you did with them. I wish I could go and shoot hexes and jinxes until they're sore. They ought to be locked up for what they did... it's illegal... not to mention it's wrong, and it's affected every aspect of your life well into adulthood."

"Can you just shut up and hug me?" I asked in a cracked whisper, finally turning to face him, revealing myself fully.

He laid where he had sat, and took me into his arms. I did the same, squeezing hard, wishing our hug could remove all of the world's problems.

"I'm sorry about what I did... and for hiding from you..." I said between gasps and cries.

"It's ok. You don't need to apologize at all. I'm here for you, always."


	48. Chapter 48

—Draco POV—

I changed my position to lay down, taking Harry into an embrace. He hugged back, squeezing hard. I could only rub his back up and down in what I hoped was comfort,

"I'm sorry about what I did... and for hiding from you..." He said, struggling through his cries.

"It's ok. You don't need to apologize at all. I'm here for you, always."

After a while of him crying, he spoke again, broken.

"I- I don't want..." he sucked in a breath, trying to control his emotions.

"It's okay. Take your time, catch your breath." I said softly.

"I don't want to remember what it's like." He sniffled, taking a few rapid, incomplete breaths.

"I never want to experience the feeling of being trapped there again." I caressed his hair, knowing it helps calm him down. Harry pulled me closer, clutching the back of my shirt. I felt his tears seeping through the fabric.

"I don't want to remember what it was like to be there. To look at them." His voice cracked at the end of that statement.

"It's okay. I'm here to keep you safe-"

"I'm never safe." He interrupted "No one can keep me from my mind and my mind makes me remember." He began to choke back sobs.

"I can help you. You'll be okay. I promise." I whispered, leaning into his hug.

"Why do I hurt myself and make myself remember all of the bad things?" He said, sniffling at the end. I wasn't sure how to answer.

"Why do I make myself feel more pain? It makes me feel worse."

"...You're sick, Harry... but with time you won't hurt yourself anymore..." I said, hiding my uncertainty at the statement I'd made. _He'd made so much progress._

"I make things worse for myself and everyone else. If there was some way to be alive while removing myself from the equation, everything would be better-"

"Hey. Don't talk like that. You being in my life has brought me a company and a light I hadn't experienced in years. I can't imagine being without you now...

And I know your friends would be absolutely heartbroken if you were gone...

Promise me if you genuinely think to do anything you'll talk to me first. Don't let your demons get the better of you..." I said.

He only continued to cry. His grip on me never faltered, only tightened. He never spoke. And eventually, after at least 15 minutes, he fell asleep exactly the same way. Him talking about his own absence was stuck to my mind.

——--

—Harry POV—

I woke up around an hour later, but I didn't move or open my eyes. I don't want to deal with life anymore today. I allowed myself to feel my immediate surroundings and realized I wasn't hugging Draco, the way I'd fallen asleep. Instead I was laying on my stomach, and the pillow under my head was sideways, and I was hugging it. I took a breath, shifting onto my side and grabbing a random pillow to hug. I'm too tired to ask about Draco, besides, he has a life, unlike me. My eyes felt like they were worn, and I know it's because I fell asleep crying and never cleaned myself up, but I don't want to move, or try opening my eyes.

My least favorite thing about this, is my only indication as to the time- the window seeping soft, dim feeling light. I don't want to be awake. I want to stop thinking. I took a deep breath, allowing myself to become one with the bed, and be comfortable. The only thing better would be if Draco were here, caressing my hair and hugging me as we give each other kisses. I sighed thinking of that. I'll just let my mind quiet down for the moment and slow down. I felt my closed eyelids get heavier, as sleep engulfed me yet again.

—Draco POV—

"So, did you like that movie?" I asked Scorpius, as the Credits began rolling.

"Yea! And I really liked the part where they were jumping on the jellyfish!"

"That part was quite fun wasn't it." I said, thinking back to the movie. Leave it to a Muggle to make a movie about a talking fish who happens to be an only father.

"Dada, Nemo's mummy disappeared like for us..."

"You're right." I said with a sigh. "Astoria isn't the only mum who has gone... it happens to lots of different... people..." I said, remembering my time with her just before she passed.

"Do you think all of the mummies who disappeared are sitting together talking about us?"

"Maybe. You never really know what happens when someone... disappears..."

Scorpius leaned into me as we sat looking at the credits and paying no attention to them. My mind drifted to what Harry had voiced earlier, and I felt a glum feeling come over me.

"I'm hungry." He said suddenly, and I remembered that it was practically dinner time.

"Me too, actually. Let's go make something, yeah?"

"Can we make chicken?"

"I think we have some, sure." I said, getting up from the couch. I walked over to the DVD player and took the disc out, putting it away in it's box.

"Scor, why don't you go ahead and put this movie back on the shelf, I'll grab our food from the refrigerator." I said, placing the box down and getting towards the kitchen.

"Ok!" He said, jumping from his seat and getting the box, leaving to the office room where all of the movies were. I opened the fridge.

"Okay. Chicken, vegetables, potatoes..." I muttered to myself, scanning the frigid shelves.

————

"Why are we putting the chicken in the oven?" Asked Scorpius curiously.

"Two reasons." I said, closing the oven and setting the timer. "One: the chicken is juicer and retains more flavor. Two: I need to check on Harry. He's feeling sick." I said, turning to see my son. Once again, those horrid thoughts made their way to the front of my mind.

"Alright now let's wash our hands." I said, motioning towards the sink and pushing his step stool with my foot.

"Is he gonna make us sick dada?"

"No. No not at all. Don't worry about that." I said, pumping soap onto his hands and mine, and turning on the faucet. When we finished washing our hands Scorpius spoke again.

"Okay. Can I go play with my toys?"

"Of course! The oven will beep when it's time to take out the chicken." I replied. He started running to his room. I dried my hands And went to my room, where I saw Harry sleeping soundly, I went over and laid down next to him.


	49. Chapter 49

—Draco POV—

Can I go play with my toys?"

"Of course. The oven will beep when it's time to take out the chicken." I replied. He started running to his room. I dried my hands And went to my room, where I saw Harry sleeping soundly, I went over and laid down next to him.

I moved the pillow he had been hugging out of the way, and put his arm around me, getting comfortable. I saw hair in his face, as always, and swept it out of the way, which eventually morphed into me playing with his hair as I took in his features. He looked relaxed and happy. It made me smile slightly.

I closed my eyes and gave him a soft peck on his cold nose, then moved to give him one on the lips, followed by another.

"Hey." I whispered. "Dinner is almost ready." I said, resting my hand in his hair. He stirred, before muttering.

"Do we have time to just be here? Together?" I let out a small chuckle.

"We do."

He let out a soft groan, stretching, and finally opening his bright green eyes. "Good." He said. I felt his hand move up to the nape of my neck, then he gave me a slow, lazy kiss. I returned it, of course.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Good with you here." He said with a sleepy voice, before we kissed again.

"You sound adorable when you're half asleep." I said, at this he laughed.

"Do I?" I put my forehead against his.

"Yes, you do." I replied. My smile fell into a more serious expression though, as I leaned into him again, giving Harry a small, gentle peck that evolved into a deep, love-filled, kiss.

His hands moved to my waist and stayed there. I felt him move me closer, while not letting our kiss break. I moved my hand down to his waist, before moving under his shirt, and running my hand up his back, past the lone scar that ran along it diagonally. I stopped at his upper back, holding him closer. I felt his hand around my waist seep under my shirt as well, and goosebumps ran across me, sending delightful shivers down my spine.

Soon enough though, we stopped. Catching our breaths. I gave him one last, small kiss.

"I'd love to continue this..." I took some small breaths. "But dinner should be ready soon."

"You did mention that." He said with a small smile.

"I also want to make sure you're okay after... earlier." He face fell at that, mine showed concern.

"I'm sure I'll be fine. I just need to learn to get past myself... I mean, it was, what? 12 years since I last saw them?" He said, faking a smile.

"Harry, I know they still bother you. Even if they haven't been there to cause any new pain..."

"Let's just... not talk about it... just for today... I want to finish my day feeling alright at least." He said, glancing down.

"I understand." I replied, giving a small peck on the cheek.

"Remember, I'm always here." I said softly.

"I know..." he replied. I heard the oven start beeping repeatedly.

"Dinner is ready." I said, standing up. Harry got up as well. I turned to open the door, but paused, facing him.

"Do I want to know how you got hold of a blade when I strictly remember getting rid of them all a long time ago?"

"Can we eat dinner?" He asked. I gave him a serious look.

"Harry..." I said sternly.

"Please... Not right now." I sighed.

"You haven't gotten out of this. Let's go." I finished, opening the door and leaving to the kitchen.

————

It was around 11:30 at night, and Harry and I were sitting on the bed, my back was against the headboard, and Harry was leaning into me. The only sounds were that of crickets merrily chirping outside, and I was gently holding Harry's arm, which was resting on my lap. My eyes were fixed on his numerous scars.

He has so many- new and old. Of course, these are just the ones that left permanent scarring or had just happened recently enough to still have a mark. The idea crossed me, that if he had a mark for every cut he'd ever made, his arm would be covered. More so than it already is, I thought. Scratch marks, scars, and the deep pink lines where he'd cut yesterday had me in a trance, as the idea of Harry being gone crossed my mind again. I began to trace his marks softly. Feeling the emotions behind them all. Feeling emotions really isn't something I do, but it felt necessary today. My eyes watered, and I closed them, feeling a tear fall.

"Draco? Are you ok?" I heard Harry ask. I opened my eyes, taking a deep breath in, before closing them again, and nodding shakily. I moved my hand from his arm, to his hand, lacing our fingers together. And sniffled slightly, as a few more tears fell down. I squeezed his hand, allowing myself to keep my breaths calm, even if they did shake, just like my body wanted to do right now.

"Harry," I whispered. "Promise me," I stopped for half a second. "Promise me... you won't do this ever again before talking to me." I took a deep, shaking breath. "Make sure," I swallowed.

"Make sure you never try to hurt yourself without talking to me about it first. And if you even _think_ to kill yourself..." I took another breath, squeezing his hand tighter.

"If you ever even think about that, you get to me immediately. I don't care what it takes." I said letting a minor, controlled cry escape.

"You wake me up. You drag me out of the shower. Pull me from a job. Stop me from helping Scorpius with homework. Stop me from cooking. Tell me." I whispered. "Every time."

I knew that I was crying fully, but I didn't care. I felt Harry squeeze my hand back, and he leant into me further. I felt a tear of his wet my shirt, and I cried harder, though you'd have barely noticed. I sniffled again, and in a shaking voice, spoke.

"Harry, promise me." I said, allowing myself to breathe when I finished the statement. I felt Harry hug me tightly, as tears streamed from himself quietly, seeping through to my shirt, further wetting it with salty tears.

"Harry promise." I said sternly, though you could hear the shake in my voice.

"Promise me that you will talk to me the _second_ you get those thoughts." My voice broke at the end of the sentence, and I gripped his hand like my life depended on it. I grew increasingly frustrated at his lack of an answer, but showed so much emotion that the frustration drowned away.

"Okay." He said, just barely at a whisper.

"You will tell me. No matter what." I said, determined to get more than a simple 'okay'. My head hurt from squeezing my eyes shut for so long.

"I promise." He whispered with a cracked voice. I hugged him tightly. Allowing myself to cry as I did so. _You_ _promise_ _to talk to me._ I pleaded in my mind. The rest of the night that I remember, I spent cuddling into him, muttering prayers to myself, for Harry's safety.


	50. Chapter 50

—Harry POV—

I reached into the cabinet for a mug, while waiting for my tea to brew. I had woken up from another dream, and decided I would have myself something to drink so I could relax.

I jumped back slightly at the feeling of two hands coming around my torso, but calmed down as soon as I realized it was Draco. I leaned backwards into him.

"Are you alright?" I heard him whisper. I nodded, closing my eyes for a second.

"I'm fine." I said, moving to get the kettle that had now begun to whistle.

"I just wanted a bit of tea... to relax." I told him, pouring the brew into my mug.

"Would you like some?" I offered.

"Um, sure. Why not." He replied, rubbing his eyes to wake up. I grabbed another mug, and poured half of the tea in there for him.

"Milk and honey?"

"Yes, please."

I handed him his cup after preparing it, and brought my own to my lips, tasting the warm beverage. And though the feeling of calm came through me, it wasn't quite enough to shave off the edge I felt within.

"You make good tea." I heard him say.

"Thank you."

Christmas is in two days. I don't know how to feel about it. I haven't got a present for anyone important to me. Thinking back, the day Draco decided we should go shopping for presents, mostly for Scorpius, I had a panic attack- more than one. It was frustrating, and I was beyond upset with myself for letting it happen, for slowing the day down, and making it difficult for him. I didn't even get anything for anyone. That was one week ago.

At one point, Draco asked if I was okay with him leaving me at the entrance to a shop. I immediately realized he'd probably wanted to get me something, I tried to tell him no.

_ "No. No, no." I said, backing up slightly. "I don't need anything." _

_ "You deserve something. Besides, I'd like to get you a present-" _

_ "It's fine. I don't need one." _

_ "Well, nobody really needs a present. It's a show of-" _

_ "I'm fine." I said with a bite to my words, shaking. _

_ "Harry, really, it's a gift for the holidays you can't get more stubborn than this." _

_ "Draco, I don't need anything please, let's just go." _

_ "I want to get you something for Christmas." _

We got in a fight that night. I slept in my room alone, well, more like laid in my room alone. Draco slept with Scorpius.

_ "As upset as I am, you've really gotten something so stupid and small and made it this monumental problem, I'm not leaving you alone in the house... I'll be in the guest room with Scorpius." He said, his piercing gaze held frustration and care at the same time. He looked away stiffly. _

_ "Goodnight." He said, walking into the room and closing it. _

I think that's the only time we spoke after the fight that day. The next day though, we'd made up. It was stupid, really.

I don't even have the slightest clue how, but Draco and I came to the conclusion 4 days ago that maybe visiting the Dursley's wouldn't be a complete disaster.

"You're thinking about Christmas."

I pried my gaze from the warm cup of tea in my hands to Draco's eyes after he spoke.

"It's nothing. Just nerves." _Nerves that make me feel sick. Nerves that make me lose sleep._

I saw Draco glance towards the clock, before turning to face me.

"Hey, Happy Christmas Eve." He said, a small smile forming on his face.

I looked at the clock on the stove behind me. It's 12:05 in the morning. December 24th, 2008.

"Happy Christmas Eve."

_Are you ready?_

"We're going to have a good Holiday. I promise."

_It'll be one to remember._

"We're going to make sure it's amazing." Draco moved to bring me into a hug. I put my mug down beside me, wrapping my arms around his waist. He did the same, bringing me into a kiss that I gladly accepted, before pulling away, to speak to him.

"Being with you means it's already going to be a holiday like none I've had in the past."

————

—Draco POV—

I gave a jolt at the sound of deafeningly loud music turning on, followed by the volume diminishing to nothingness, before my ears rang at a deafening static noise. One that would not go away, aggravating me.

"What _is_ that noise? Is Maria trying to bring down the entire neighborhood?" I said in annoyance. 

_Just, focus on the book._ I told myself, turning back to my novel. But it was a mere few seconds before the music began blaring again. I snapped the book closed in frustration.

"What's with you?" Asked Harry, looking at me like I'd done something unbelievably stupid.

"Maria is blasting the music in her backyard and I can't focus on my book! What does she need music _that_ loud for anyway?!" I said, getting up and opening the curtains to my window. I peered outside, at the house to my left, Maria's had cars parked on the driveway, across the lawn, and on the side of the street. I turned over to Harry.

"Cast a tempus charm, please?"

"5:30pm." He replied. I turned back at the window, looking at her front lawn again.

"What the fuck?" I muttered to myself. Then, I saw another car arrive, and somebody stepped out of the house, waving his hands at the black car, who was going to park in front of the driveway.

"Hey, Isn't that illegal?" I asked, motioning for Harry to come look at this. Soon he was at my side, looking at the same thing as me.

"Blimey, that's a lot of cars." He said to no one in particular. My face was so close to the glass that window fog began to impair my vision. I stepped back, wiping it away before looking out the window again. A man in a light blue, untucked, button-down shirt was waving his arms out, and I could faintly hear yelling. He was guiding the black car to squeeze into a spot in front of the driveway. Then, the car turned off.

"Look. You see the man stepping out of that car? That family. A man, his wife, and two children, right there." I said, pointing at their black vehicle. "Isn't that illegal, how they're parked?"

"How would I know? Ginny drives, you drive, I don't."

"You never got a Muggle drivers license?" I asked in disbelief.

"No? I didn't think it was important." He said, nonchalant. I stared at him for a second, before looking back out the window at the family, who was now approaching the front door.

"It's a fancy type of party, don't you believe?" Asked Harry. I turned to him, a wild look across my face.

"Fancy? That's anything but fancy. You want me to show you fancy?" I got away from the window, towards my closet. "I can grab my dress robes, my Muggle tuxedos too-"

"Dramatic much?" He said.

"That's not fancy!" I exclaimed, pointing my arm aggressively towards the window.

"Well it's not T-shirts and jeans either, so what is it then? That man is in a button down shirt, and slacks. His wife and their daughter are both wearing dresses. What do you call that?"

I sighed. "I just want to read my book in peace. Why are they even having a party? The holiday is tomorrow, not today."

"I thought you'd said a while back that you had run out of books to read." He asked, furrowing his brows.

"I did. I've been re-reading what I have for the time being. I just haven't had much time to go out and get a new one." I told him. He made an 'ah' face, nodding. I left the room, and he followed me.

"What are you doing?"

"Going to the backyard." I said, passing the T.V that Scorpius had left turned on. I sighed, turning it off with wandless magic.

I unlocked and opened my door, and music promptly came blaring past my ears, throughout the house. I closed the door again, turning to Harry.

"Let's go next door and see what this is all about." Suggested Harry.


	51. Chapter 51

—Draco POV—

"Scorpius, I need you to get a quick bath and get dressed, we're go- I paused, door fully open, and staring at my son, astonished. His tongue was sticking out, the way he does when he's concentrating, and his eyes were trained on his feet, which were moving back and forth in large, over exaggerated steps, to the rhythm of the music next door. He kind of looked like he was going to get on one knee to propose, but then kept rethinking it and stepping back. It was ridiculous.

"What on earth are you doing?" He looked up, still moving in the same way.

"It's a dance Maria taught me with this song last week!" He turned back to his feet, pausing, and readjusting to the beat he had lost track of. I was at a bit of a loss for words, but recomposed myself quickly.

"Go take a shower and get dressed in a nice shirt. If you want me to pick something out for you, I can. We're going next door." I closed the door, turning to go take my own shower.

————

I was in front of the full-body mirror in my room, putting up the last button of my navy blue dress shirt, and making sure my hair was properly parted to the left, always the left, when Harry stepped out of the bathroom, wearing a worn-down, blue and white striped button down shirt. His hair was in its usual disarray.

"I'm dressed." He said, gaining my attention. I looked at him, scanning his appearance.

"No you're not. That shirt looks like you washed it in a bucket, and then dried it by hitting it over a rock. Repeatedly. Did you even _try_ to do your hair?"

"Oh come on it can't be that bad I've had this shirt for 12 years. It's nice. And I brushed my hair." He argued. I ignored him, making my way towards the closet, looking through the side that had a few of Harry's shirts. I pulled out a button-down of the same fashion as mine, but maroon colored.

"Put this on."

"That's fancy!"

"No, it is not. We aren't discussing this again." I said, handing him the garment.

"I'm going to check on Scorpius." I said, passing by the mirror one more time, to make sure I looked fine, before going to Scorpius's room.

"You're young enough to get away with jeans... and I don't want you ruining your nicest pants." I said, going into his closet, while he just looked at me.

"Can I wear pink?"

"You don't have a pink shirt."

"Why not?" He asked incredulously.

"Because I wasn't thinking about a pink shirt when I bought you these? I was thinking of the basic, most common, best looking colors. Besides, pink is not a Christmas color." I said, rummaging around before I found a bright red, collared, short sleeve, button down shirt, with small white dots all around.

"This looks festive enough." I said, holding it up and squinting, making sure the color looked right on him.

"Go ahead and put this on." I told him. "And some jeans. Nice ones, not the ones you wear every day, please."

————

"Draco! Harry! And, Ay Scorpius que guapo estás! You look so handsome!" She said, kneeling towards Scorpius. The music was slightly quieter now that it was dark outside, but it was still surprisingly loud, and didn't fail to catch my attention.

"Hi! How are you?" Scorpius asked her, eyes full of excitement.

"I'm good! I see your dad knows how to get you dressed." She stood back up.

"Merry Christmas Eve! Come in, come in." She said, ushering us through the front door before closing it.

She began walking away.

" _Merry_? Why did she say it like _that_? That's not how you say it." I whispered to Harry, absolutely bothered. He looked at me with an irked expression.

"I don't know, but it's ridiculous. It's _Happy_ Christmas... not..." He shivered. "That's so stupid." We discussed, while entering the house.

"I need to make the salad, pero [but] make yourselves at home!" Commented Maria, already a bit away from us.

I leaned towards Harry.

"They're packed in here like Sardines." I whispered, keeping my eyes trained on the house.

"It just looks like a full house to me. I mean, there's people in the kitchen, people on the couch, people outside..." he said, looking around.

Anyone else would think he was perfectly fine. But the way he inched closer to me, and how he kept looking around at a house he recognized, just because there were new people around, I knew he was slightly nervous.

"What are those things sticking out of their mouths?!" I exclaimed quietly. Most of the middle-aged men had brown, thick, paper-looking sticks poking out of their mouths. Some were taking them out to huff out some thick, grey smoke, and stick those, _things,_ back into their mouths. I cringed.

"That looks disgusting." I commented. However, Harry didn't respond, leaning into me a little bit more.

"Let's go outside." He commented stiffly, I began to walk through the crowds with him. Passing by the kitchen, I saw all sorts of side dishes lining large plates. Finger foods with toothpicks, salads, bite-sized sandwiches, but no main course. It was slightly odd, especially considering there was a large pot of what smelled like beans. And Maria always insists you're supposed to eat that over rice, and with some sort of meat.

Going through the sliding glass door, the first thing I noticed was children who ran past, laughing and playing.

"Scorpius, why don't you go ahead and make some friends." I told him.

"Okay!" He took no time to catch up to the children and join them.

Scanning the area, I noticed a group of women sitting in a circle of plastic chairs, talking about something, while one of them was tending to her crying infant, removing the child from the stroller and shaking a bottle to feed it.

To the other side of us, there were two men standing by a box releasing flavorful aromas, who were arguing, quite loudly. And one with a large, black haired goatee was waving a pair of kitchen tongs around in a threatening manner, as he yelled at the other man who had one of those brown paper sticks hanging out of his bottom lip.

I was slightly startled by Maria's voice piping up behind us.

"Beer?"

"No, thank you." I said, subconsciously keeping Harry behind me.

"Go ahead and talk to them! They're cooking the meat right now." She said, before shouting. "Oye! Antonio! Carlito! Mira! Ellos te van a ayudar!" [Hey! Antonio! Carlito! Look! They're going to help you out!]

"Go ahead!" She said with a smile. Harry and I looked at each other before turning to the two men. As I neared the wooden box, I felt heat radiating from it. One that greatly contrasted the temperatures around us. Peering in, I saw a bed of burning coals.

"You want to see the pig?" Said the man with the black goatee, before putting on an oven mit, and getting the attention of his friend.

"Carlito, ayúdeme con esto para que pueden ver." [Carlito, help me move this thing so they can see it.] The other man, Carlito, waved him off, and took something out of his shirt pocket. I recognized it as on of those sticks.

"Cigar?" He offered. I stepped back, forcing my cringe to not show.

"No, thank you." I said politely. He put it back, before taking his own out of his mouth and letting out a puff of grey smoke that the wind blew straight into my face, I swatted it away, eyes wide, feeling utterly disgusted at the smell, appearance, and feeling. I looked to my left and saw Harry doing the same thing, scrunching up his nose.

"That smells awful!" He exclaimed.

"You get used to it." Commented Carlito. He then put an oven mit on as well, and they each grabbed opposite sides of the tray on top of the box before lifting it, and moving it aside.


	52. Chapter 52

—Draco POV—

Is that an _entire_ pig? Cooking in a wooden box? I just stood there, frozen in shock. _Aren't Muggles supposed to cook things like this in an oven?_

I looked over at Harry, who seemed to be almost as shocked as I was.

"It smells delicious." He said, looking up at the two men, I nodded in agreement, trying to shake off the lingering feeling of unfamiliarity and discomfort, especially because they're good people, and the food does genuinely smell good.

"Looks like it's almost ready. Here. Put on some oven mitts and use this to fish it out." Said Carlito, handing us each what looked like old wire hangers, bent and shaped to fish the handle of the meat rack out from the bottom of the box. I hesitantly grabbed it, Harry doing the same, and we got on either side of the crate. 

I bent down, using two hangers on each side of the handle, and Harry did the same on the other side. I looked up at him.

"We lift on 3. 1, 2-" I was cut off by Harry lifting prematurely. "Why are you lifting?! Stop!" He put it down. I looked at him with the utmost frustration.

"I said 3!"

"I'm sorry! I thought you meant _when_ you say 'three' not _after_." I gave him a bitch face, before huffing.

"Fine. _After_ I say three. Okay?"

"Okay."

"1, 2, 3." We hoisted the roasted pig up and followed Antonio and Carlito to a long table.

"Right here." I said. After an awkward heave and me almost burning myself, the pig was resting on the table, and the two men were unclamping the top rack that had held the pig in place. Everyone around us cheered in that way that you do when somebody accomplished something stupid that shouldn't have been a challenge, but everyone was happy they did it anyways. _Of course they're happy._ I thought. _I've literally brought our food to the table."_

_——_ _——_

Harry was sitting to my left, and Scorpius to my right. Around us were at least 12 other people, sitting at several long tables, that we placed next to one another. Maria was sat in front of me. Everyone was talking and seemed in their own conversation, a small hint of nostalgia hit as I was reminded of a more neat, smaller, homemade version of the great hall. I turned to Scorpius.

"Remember not to forget your vegetables, and say thank you to Maria, she put that salad together." I told him, pointing at the small serving of salad on his plate, and making sure he was eating right, then I turned to my left, where I had the opposite problem.

"Eat."

"I am eating!"

"Yeah, enough for a bird." I replied.

"Come on, I've eaten like a third of my plate, and these people serve mountains." He retorted. I eyed him suspiciously.

"And what about you? You haven't touched that-that white stuff." He claimed.

"I don't know what on earth it is, quite a nasty shock realizing it's not just a weirdly shaped potato. It has a lot more fibers, and falls apart differently. And it has onions and... lime? It's weird. I've never had anything like it. It's not awful, just-" I paused, suddenly incredibly curious of what on earth this stuff was, I waved my hand slightly, getting Maria's attention.

"What's this?" I asked her, pointing at the two white lumps of... stuff, on the side of my plate.

"Yuca." She replied, before putting a spoonful of rice and beans into a small child's mouth sitting to her left.

"It's delicious. Try it." She continued.

"Oh, yes. I've just never had anything like it." I clarified, making sure she didn't think there was something I didn't like. The truth is I am incredibly grateful for her inviting the three of us into her home. As odd, different, and loud as everything could be, I had never been treated with such hospitality before without wondering if I was manipulating the person into doing it.

I shook the thought away, getting a small piece of Yuca and eating it. It was, incredibly different, from anything I'd ever had.

About thirty minutes after dinner, I noticed a whooping and cheering coming from a group of people sat at the couch, curious, I looked over to see what was going on, and saw Scorpius, doing those same awkward dance moves from earlier, while holding each of Maria's hands while she did the opposite moves as him, though much more fluidly, and less exaggerated. They were moving like a conveyor belt, when Scorpius stepped forward with his left foot, Maria would step backwards with her right foot, before they returned to the middle, and then did the opposite with their other feet. Scorpius would then step backwards with his right, while Maria stepped forward with her left.

He looked up at me and smiled, I could see in his eyes that he was having fun. That's a good thing. I'm happy for him.

"Draco! Ven! [Come!] Your turn!" Said Maria, breaking apart her dance with Scorpius.

"No, no. I don't dance." I said with an awkward smile.

"Sure you do. I remember you at the Yule ball." Said Harry, startling me from behind.

"Weren't you in the bathroom?" I asked in an irritated tone.

"Yes, now I'm here." He said with a plain smile. Maria grabbed my hand and yanked me to the center of the living room.

"You hold my by the waist-" I blocked out the rest of what she said and thought back to waltzing. Maybe it's the same thing... with your upper body at least.

"Like this?" I asked, positioning my body like I would for a ballroom dance.

"Perfect. Now, on the beat, you're going to step forward with your left foot, then back to the center, and backwards with your right foot, then retreat to the center. Ready? Go" We instantly collided. I wasn't paying enough attention, because I moved my right foot forward and diagonally, my mind on autopilot. She removed herself from my light hold to demonstrate. I nodded in understanding, staring at the movements she made.

"Seems simple enough." I muttered.

"And you're in charge, you need to lead me in the dance-"

"Bailamos en circulo!" [Lets dance in a large circle!] Exclaimed one man from the kitchen, coming over and setting his beer on the counter. I recognized him from that birthday party. It was 'Tio Pito'.

"Perfect!" Exclaimed Maria. Gentlemen, find a lady to dance with, ladies if you don't have a man, dance with each other!" I looked at Harry, and he looked back at me, slightly uncomfortable.

"Can I dance with Harry, Since I'm the only person he knows here?" I whispered to Maria. She looked at me oddly.

"I mean, sure... but you both have to do what the ladies do."

"I- okay." I said, walking towards Harry. Soon enough, everyone was in a large circle in the living room. Furniture had been rearranged to make ample room for everyone, and everyone had a partner. Most were husband-wife, but I also noticed what seemed to be father-daughter, sister-brother, and sister-sister. Harry and I, and these two other teenagers, were the only boy-boy partners. But at least we weren't the only ones, that would have made me extremely uncomfortable.

Maria seemed to be leading us all, as she paused the music, to start a new song.

"This one should be slow, and easy salsa, for beginners. Ok, everyone get into position with your partners." I looked around and each man was holding a woman by the waist, the way Maria had taught me to do. I slowly began to do the same to Harry, still looking around, to make sure I was correct. I noticed that the groups that were two women, were merely holding hands. Same with the two teenage boys dancing, so I did the same, moving my hand away from his waist, merely grabbing a hold of his hands, who, I just realized, had been shaking slightly. I leaned in, whispering to him.

"Nobody will be paying attention to us, don't worry. Besides, I'm good enough at waltzing, this can't be _so_ different. And, this seems fun. We'll be fine." I told him. He squeezed my hands lightly, giving a slightly uneasy smile, then a small nod.


	53. Chapter 53

—Draco POV—

It was _very_ different from waltzing. _Enormously_ different. My feet are sore, but I'd never had so much fun while dancing. I also learned that Harry, in fact, cannot dance for the life of him.

Even walking home with Scorpius and Harry, I'm still catching my breath from the fast paced dancing. I'm covered in dry sweat, and Harry looks about ready to pass out. But I know we all had fun.

I opened the front door, letting Harry and Scorpius in, before closing and locking the door.

"Let's get a quick shower guys." I told them both.

"But Dada-"

"You smell like a quidditch athlete after a game. Shower." I told him, pointing a finger towards his bathroom. He pouted, going straight towards the shower. I followed him in.

"Give me your shirt please so I can wash it."

He looked at me, then back at the buttons he was struggling to undo. I sighed, crouching down to help him.

"Here, I've got it." I took his shirt off for him, then went and turned on the faucet, before leaving him to shower in peace. I took off my own shirt, draping it in the same arm I held Scorpius's shirt in, then went to my room, where I saw Harry's clothing on the floor, and light seeping through the closed bathroom door. I could also hear the shower running. I picked up his shirt and pants, before speaking through the door.

"I'm going to clean our clothing."

"Okay." I heard through the sound of the running water.

I went outside, where I could hear the, now quiet music, as well as some tipsy laughter. _They really know how to have a party._ I thought to myself, setting the shirts on the floor.

With my wand, I hung them all up, and cast a cleaning charm on them all. Then, I cast a drying charm. Having them now all clean, I grabbed them again, going back inside, and hung them all in their respective places.

—Harry POV—

I stepped out of the bathroom, now in my sleeping attire, and signaled to Draco, who was reading the same book from this afternoon, letting him know he could take a shower now.

After that, we were both laying in bed peacefully. He was playing with my hair, and I was just laying there, relaxed.

"Tempus." I heard him whisper, and watched as the numbers _11:30pm_ appeared in front of us, then vanished into a wisp of smoke.

"Hey. At what time do you plan to be at your cousin's house?" He muttered, looking at me for an answer. I tensed. _I had completely forgotten about the Dursley's._ I took a strained breath in.

"I guess, by lunch?" I said warily.

"Okay." He responded.

——

As exhausted as I had been, I didn't sleep too much last night.

We opened presents by 9:00 in the morning because Scorpius simply couldn't wait any longer knowing there were at least 10 presents with his name on them.

Draco somehow found a way to sneak out of the house and get me a present. It was a machine that released essential oils into the air. A diffuser. He claimed that 'It smells like flowers' and that it would help me relax. He said we would try it out together one day. Just, lay down and let the machine run. He said it would be nice.

I was quite happy. And I gave him a hug, thanking him for everything. Then, I pulled out my present for him. It wasn't much, I didn't want him to be there when I got it, but my anxiety, and his over-protectiveness, prevented that from happening. So I explained that we would go to the book store within the week, and whatever books he chose, and however many, I would pay for. That way, I knew he would like it, and I wouldn't have a panic attack in the middle of a store alone. His eyes lit up at the mention of the book store. He gave me a hug, thanking me, and expressing that he could 'finally read new books after so many months'.

Scorpius got loads of things. Clothing, toys, and a video game console called a Wii. I was a bit surprised about that. Especially considering it was not only a Muggle technology, but a modern one at that. And Draco still throws a fit whenever he forgets how to turn off the oven. I hadn't even really known that it existed. I had only recognized the brand name, _Nintendo_ which was the same brand as the video game console Dudley got on his 11th birthday. I remembered because of how many times I'd sit in his old bedroom staring at it. Wondering how on earth he'd broken it so quickly. I remember tracing the letters over and over on days that I'd get locked in. _Super Nintendo Entertainment System_ _._ Except the words Super and Entertainment were scratched up. Scorpius also got some video games to go with it.

"Are you alright?" I snapped out of my daze.

"Yeah. I'm perfectly fine." We were sitting in the room after a frustrating hour of Draco screaming over how many cables there were to plug the Wii into the Tv, and the wall.

"Why are you asking?" I inquired, curious.

"You're just, in a daze. What were you thinking about?" He asked.

"Dudley's Nintendo Entertainment System that he got for his 11th birthday, that he broke a day later."

He looked at me confused. " I understand half of those words."

"That's okay." I sighed. "Do we really have to visit him?" I said, shifting uncomfortably and feeling uneasy in the stomach.

"It's your family... not mine. But whatever you choose, I have to know, because Maria is ready for Scorpius." He said, closing the book he'd just finished its second time, getting up, and putting it on a shelf in his room.

"I can't bail. It's wrong." I said, staring into space. "You'll be there..."

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

"I just- wanted to make sure..." I took a deep breath. "What's the time?"

"11:00"

"We have to go in a few minutes."

"Well I'm dressed." He said, signifying that I'm the only one not ready for this. I didn't move though.

"You need to get dressed if you're going to go... and remember, it's cold over there, colder than here." He said. I still didn't move.

"Maybe I can freeze time and give myself more time to just sit here and procrastinate?" I asked.


	54. Chapter 54

—Harry POV—

"Wait, before you knock on the door." I heard Draco say before I was met with a kiss. I closed my eyes, returning it.

"Happy Christmas." He whispered.

"Happy Christmas Draco."

* _knock knock*_

My breath hitched when the door creaked open, revealing Dudley's face.

"Harry." I heard Dudley greet, a smile forming on his face. "Happy Christmas. Who did you bring with you?" I heard him ask. I opened my mouth to answer, but Draco beat me to it.

"Draco Malfoy. Harry and I knew each other in school." He said, holding out a firm hand to shake. Dudley complied, and I'd just realized I haven't spoken at all.

"Happy Christmas, Dudley." I commented, feeling tense all over.

"Yes. well, come in, my girlfriend is waiting in the dining room. We've put together a lunch."

He entered, leaving the door open for us. I heard the echo of his voice announce our arrival to somebody called Millie- presumably his girlfriend.

I could only guess how annoying it must've been for Draco as I inched through the doorway. My breath hitched and I squeezed his hand tightly when I passed the cupboard, resisting the urge to press myself into the opposite wall. I tried not to look at it, but my eyes would always wander back to it, almost as if it were going to come to life and swallow me into an eternity of darkness. My jaw tensed, and I felt Draco slightly tug at me.

"How do I get to the dining room?" He whispered, urgency just barley in his tone. The hairs on the back of my neck stood, and I was made aware of the situation as Dudley came around the corner.

"Right this way, sorry." He stated. Dudley apologized for something so stupid and yet, it seemed genuine.

I felt almost like I was dragged into the sitting area, when the truth is I probably just walked alongside Draco while he held my hand reassuringly. I swallowed. Draco pulled out a chair for me, and I had to do a double take, glancing at Dudley, almost asking for permission. _I've never sat at this table before. Only served those who did._

I took a hesitant seat, and It's fair to say that both Dudley and Draco noticed. After we were all seated, Dudley cleared his throat.

"Millie insisted we wait for her, saying she wanted to have a quick shower. So she's upstairs doing that." When Dudley said the words 'upstairs' I turned my head in that direction, eyes wandering to the cupboard just under it. I snapped my head back into the conversation.

"Harry, I wanted to... apologize-" he paused. "For, everything."

"It's alright-"

"I did all these, cruel things to you... you have to understand... mum and dad, they had me believing you deserved it..." He confessed. _You're not the only one who believes that._ I shook my head at the thought, focusing on the conversation. It was now that I'd noticed that Dudley lost a lot of weight. He looked quite fit for his age, actually. His figure reminded me a bit of a blond version of Neville. When I realized a response was probably expected, I opened my mouth to do so, but was interrupted by a feminine voice coming from the stairs.

"Happy Christmas, I'm Millicent Bulstrode-" She paused, Staring at us both. _Millicent Bulstrode? The one who held Hermione in a headlock in second year?_

"Harry Potter... Draco..."

"Millie... It's been... a while." Commented Draco, with a stunned look on his face. She sat down at the table.

"You're dating... her?" I said, turning to Dudley, a bit dumbstruck. I meant it to sound malicious, but it just came out plain, and confused. As surprised as I was that Dudley is dating a witch, I was equally as unvexed that it was Millicent of all witches.

"Wait, you guys know each other?" asked Dudley, clearly confused.

"We attended Hogwarts together." Replied Millicent to Dudley, before turning and speaking to Draco.

"I heard you were spotted in Godric's Hollow last month. I'm surprised that you and your family weren't sent to Azkaban when everything ended, you know." She said almost carelessly.

"We had a change in alliance." He replied pointedly. "We realized-" she cut him off.

"You know, I did almost everything with you. Everybody followed you, admired you even." Said Millicent, staring Draco with a ferocity that burned. My fists balled up at the thought of all she put Hermione through.

"But becoming a death eater? Dragging Crabbe, Goyle, Blaise, and Pansy into your disaster... your... tasks... You went too far, _Draco_." She snarled. Her voice showed disgust, yet her face showed concern. Anger bubbled within me listening to her speak. Only the memories of what occurred in this household stopped me from snapping at her with some snarky, backhanded comment. Dudley just looked at Millicent, then back at us, with the utmost confusion. She seemed to notice this, because she turned to him with the softest, sweetest face.

"Remember, Sweetheart, when I told you that I left the school just before my last year?"

"Yes. You told me that the headmaster at your... wizard school... died." He said, brows furrowed, willing the memory to come to him. I suddenly became extremely aware of the topic of conversation, and only now noticed my heart pounding in my throat, I trembled, remembering that fateful night. She shot her head back at Draco with an expression of Anger and betrayal.

"Draco killed him-" She began to accuse, before I exploded.

"No!" I exclaimed sharply, before calming down, and taking a breath. "Draco di-"

"I never killed anyone!" shouted Draco, quite defensively. "How dare you accuse me of such a thing?! I could neve-"

* _knock knock knock knock_ * All of our heads snapped in the direction of the door, and I tensed.

"My parents." Said Dudley, looking grateful for that distraction. I felt horrible for having been the cause of that.

"It's Christmas. Let's stay civil, for Dudley." I said.

"They don't know I'm a witch. I plan to keep it that way. So if either of you even think to tell them, I will murder you in your sleep." She said, before standing up tall, and painting a smile onto her features. I scowled, but immediately became stone-faced at the sound of a familiar shrill voice.

"Millie my sweet, How are you and Dudley doing?" I heard, followed by the clacking of high heels into the room Draco and I were in. Well, Draco, being Mr. Perfect, got up, standing tall and straightening his attire, before walking up to Aunt Petunia and shaking her hand. I decided to get up as well, suddenly thinking that they can't catch me having been sat at the table.

"I'm good!"

"Hi mum, hi dad!"

"Dudley! Quite the man you've become." Grumbled Uncle Vernon in what sounded like fondness. I anxiously listened to all of the introductions from the hall, Checking and double checking that you couldn't tell I had sat down at the table. Draco glanced at me, and almost turned to comfort me, until Aunt Petunia was suddenly right in front of him.

"And you are another friend of Dudley's? Asked Aunt Petunia rather fondly, before noticing that I was in the room. Dudley and Millicent came back into the room, and then, for the first time in 11 years, I saw Uncle Vernon's face.

"Draco Malfoy. I've actually just met your son. I came here with Harry." I didn't notice Draco was once again by my side until I felt the warmth of his presence. Soon enough, Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon were both standing in front of me. My breath was caught in my throat.

"Hello... Happy Christmas"


	55. Chapter 55

—Harry POV—

"Happy Christmas... Harry." Said Aunt Petunia, before very slightly, yet obviously, nudging uncle Vernon in the side.

"Happy Christmas boy." He grumbled passively, turning to take a seat at the table. I swallowed hard, taking a shaky breath, and I felt as Draco attempted to secretly take my hand.

"H- " I tried to say something, anything. _How have you been? How have these past few years been? Has anything new happened in the past decade?_ But any word I could try to muster seemed to get lost on the way from my brain to my mouth.

I kind of just stood there, before realizing that everyone had already sat down, and Millicent was beginning to serve food.

_"I'm going to... the bathroom."_ I wanted to say, but I instead sat down, grabbing Draco's hand under the table and squeezing tightly, willing myself to not dissociate now of all times. Draco eyed me suspiciously, looking a bit puzzled.

————

We've been sat at the table, making light conversation for about an hour now, and I was slowly beginning to relax. We spoke about how Millicent and Dudley met, we spoke about Scorpius, and briefly about Draco's late wife. Aunt Petunia asked about Hogwarts. _"Did things turn out alright?"_ She asked rather hesitantly, and after, she asked about Snape. It seemed she really was beginning to wonder what happened to my mother after all those years. That's how we got to speaking about the battle. And at one point, even Uncle Vernon asked a question regarding it, which left me surprised to say the least.

"And your friend there? I assume he was on that little Scavenger hunt with you?" He asked, continuing to eat as soon as he finished asking.

_ "Is it them? Is it, Draco?" _

I was about to respond, until Draco did so for me.

"My parents just wanted to keep me home... I, they were doing things, and didn't want to worry about me being away from them." He looked tense, and when he lifted his fork to eat, I could see he was trembling slightly, probably because of the memories. Millicent was shooting daggers at him with her glare.

"Well boy. It's good to know something good came out of all we did for you." I froze.

_Something good? Out of all they did, for me?_ _This has to be a sick, cruel joke._ Draco was looking at him like he'd just been given a shock. I raised my head at Uncle Vernon, slowly. Dangerously.

"All you did for me? Which part do you think it was? The starving? The chores? The yelling? Or the cupboard?" He stared at me, looking like he'd just been slapped. My hand gripped the fork so tightly it could have bent.

"Maybe it was your ability to make me doubt every single authority figure I'd ever met. Or your ability to make me feel like dying in the war wouldn't be so bad." My breathing became heavy, but I was barely focused on it. Everything was silent, and everyone was staring, wondering what would come next.

"Well, Uncle Vernon? What was it? What did you do that was so great? What good did you do for me?" He stumbled out an answer.

"Well you seem to be doing perfectly fine, so we must've raised you right. I mean, you even became some sort of... freakish war hero."

"Raised me?!" I yelled, standing from the table abruptly.

"You didn't raise me, let alone raise me right. The most valuable lesson I got out of you was that I should never treat a person the way you did me." Tears of anger were pooling within my eyes, and I'm sure my veins would burst any second, but I didn't care.

"My happiest memory was the one where I got to think of the chance to leave this hell! You-you hurt me. You punished me by locking me in-in that horrid, _bloody_ cupboard, where I could have easily spent days, weeks! You strangled me, you trapped me, you-" I stopped, catching my breath.

"Happy Christmas. I'm leaving." I turned. "Draco-" I suddenly became frozen in place, and placed around fiercely around my wrist was Uncle Vernon's hellish grip. I looked up at him, unmoving.

"You dare speak to me this way? In front of guests?!"

"Let go." I whispered threateningly, trying to loosen his hold, and ignoring the panic rising in my stomach.

"Don't, Touch, Him." I looked and saw Draco, holding his wand square between uncle Vernon's eyes.

"I'd listen if I were you. You don't know what I'm capable of." Draco warned. I trembled. And Uncle Vernon's grip faltered, his expression surprised. Yet, he didn't let go.

"Didn't you listen? Let go." He sneered, and Uncle Vernon seemingly went back to his seat with an imaginary tail between his legs. I held my wrist closely, rubbing it tenderly the second he'd done so. Draco stepped in front of me protectively.

"You lot should be ashamed of yourself. Really. The things you did to a little boy. All that you put him through. And you have the nerve to think you still have an authority over him? He could kill you all within a second if he wasn't so bloody kind. And I would too if I didn't care about him as much as I do. Really. You're lucky he would never hurt any of you." Draco had a certain venom dripping with every word he spoke. I put my head down in shame for what had just occurred. _Why did I convince myself it would be okay?_

"Thank you, Dudley, and Millicent, for having good intentions- and for the food. Goodbye."

When we made it outside the door, I looked up at him. I felt weak. All of the anger that had been pulsing through me like a beating drum had vanished, and I suddenly felt like I would break at any second.

"Draco?"

"I know. It's okay. Let's go home..." I held his hand and we apparated to his home. He looked at me softly.

"It's okay if you want me to wait a while longer before picking up Scorpius." I nodded numbly, unable to stop the tears that I'd been holding back. Still holding my wrist, I leaned into him as he gave me a hug, feeling the all too familiar rush of warmth that always accompanied my crying. I did so silently, but they were violent enough to make my body convulse against him.

"You're safe now." He whispered into my ear, placing a small kiss on my head. I only continued what I was doing, feeling too overwhelmed for anything else. I only slightly felt his fingers weave into my hair, as he so often did, trying to soothe me as best he could.

"I'm sorry" I said, barely even a whisper.

"You're not the one who should be apologizing. It's okay. You're okay. Don't worry." He said. I shifted in my hug so my ear could be pressed against his chest, feeling his heartbeat. Though our heights were close enough for that to be a little more his shoulder than anything else, I still felt it, willing myself to match his level of calm. I sniffled, shaking. And at one point I think I whimpered slightly, probably trying to say something that just never came out of my mouth.

After a few minutes, Draco broke the hug.

"Let me see your wrist." He said, softly grabbing my right arm that was pressed against my chest. He rolled my sleeve up slightly, examining for any new marks. Marks that weren't there before. He was relieved to find nothing but the pale lack of blood flow where Uncle Vernon had gripped me.

"If he'd hurt you I think I'd go back there and do worse to him." He muttered, moving my hand to rest over his shoulder. I followed this gesture, as we pulled each other into a proper hug. My arms around his neck and his around my waist.

"Some Christmas eh?" I said, trying to lighten the mood. My face was still read from crying and my nose was still stuffed. I was also still shaking, but at least I'd stopped crying, at least I was starting to calm down again.

"I'm never going to leave you. Especially not anywhere near those Muggles. Never. Especially not after today." He said, allowing us to sway side to side in a sort of comforting way.


	56. Chapter 56

—Draco POV—

Harry's uncle, Vernon, was quite the large character. Honestly, any small child would have been intimidated by his look. I of course gave my most polite greeting possible, given I am in their home, with their son and their nephew, but I was very forcibly suppressing the urge to corner them and make them pay for affecting Harry's life the way they did.

We were all at the table, talking and eating, for about an hour, and nothing horrible had happened, to my relief. But I had brought my wand, just in case. Harry'd asked me to, because he was scared to take his own.

Many simple topics were brought up, such as Dudley and Millie meeting, as well as me and my son, who Millie brought up, almost letting it slip that we've known each other. She recovered though by placing the blame on me. _"Didn't you mention a son?"_ That also brought about the topic of Astoria. And, eventually, Petunia, Harry's aunt, brought up the battle. I learned that she was Lily Potter's sister, and that she knew Snape, who she also, quite hesitantly, asked about. I swallowed hard, explaining he didn't survive. _"And that black haired child... Serverus, I believe..."_

Things seemed really quite fine. Sensitive topics were brought up, but nobody pried. Besides, it's all in good nature when there are people catching up. You look for common ground. You ask and answer questions they want, to seem more interesting, and to build a strong network of people. Of course though, I was not looking to build a network with Vernon and Petunia anytime soon. Dudley though, seemed helpful. And maybe mending my friendship with Millie wouldn't be the worst idea. She was a strong ally back at Hogwarts. I was pulled from my thoughts when Vernon asked a question towards Harry, who was significantly more calm now than he was when we arrived.

"Well boy. It's good to know something good came out of all we did for you." To say I was surprised at his words was a bit of an understatement. And I didn't quite know if that was supposed to be Vernon's version of a compliment. Whether towards himself, or Harry, I wasn't sure either. I looked towards Harry, making sure it wasn't too obvious, And what I saw was an anger I'd never seen out of him. Sure, I knew how to get him mad, when we were children- when I always used to press just the right buttons, and hit where it hurt, enough to infuriate him. I used to find joy in that expression of his. It'd meant I'd succeeded. But now, it was deep, low, dangerous, and intense. It worried me.

Things escalated, and I just stood there, evaluating if stepping in was the best idea. I don't want to have to resort to using my wand, especially because they're Muggles, and I truly didn't know if they would do something to Harry because of it.

"Happy Christmas. I'm leaving." Said Harry, I turned to him, and as he spoke my name, In a flash, Vernon stood up, made his way around the table, and grabbed him by the wrist. I heard Harry's voice, low, and wavering, as he tried to free himself without causing more of a scene. His face paled, and at that moment I knew that I had to step in. Pulling out my wand with a determined face, I aimed straight at Vernon.

"Let, Him, Go."

His eyes turned at the wand inches from his face, and I could see Harry out of the corner of my eye, struggling to keep himself together.   
"Didn't you listen? Let go." My voice was low and rumbling. Vernon retreated to his seat across the table, intimidated.

When we got outside of the house, after I bade farewell to Dudley and Millie, and gave a passionate speech elucidating that Vernon and Petunia don't deserve what they got away with, Harry turned to me, looking almost like a wounded dog. It seems his anger was short-lived, and replaced with guilt and sorrow.

We apparated home, and Harry began to break down as I held him in my arms. I suspected he wasn't going to be able to keep it together much longer, which is why I explained that we don't need to pick up Scorpius right away.

"You're safe now."

————

"Draco! Come on in, the kids are playing in the back yard." Said Maria, welcoming me into the house.

"Hi, I'm here to pick Scorpius u-"

"Well of course, but I needed to talk to you about something." She said, sitting at her dining room table, and gesturing for me to do so as well.

"Well, okay. What is it?"

"Today is Christmas. Go do something romantic with that friend of yours. Why do you think I'm watching every kid in the family today? Go. Scorpius will be fine, we're eating leftovers from yesterday for dinner, they are all so distracted by their toys, we have Christmas movies too."

"Maria-"

"Come on. I bet 'visiting family' is not what the two of you were looking forward to this year." She told me, with a mischievous smile on her face.

"How did you even know that Harry and I..." I asked, confused and taken aback by Maria's boldness.

"Ay please. You're always holding hands and do everything together, he sleeps in your house, and whenever he looks nervous, which I still don't understand, he stays closer to you. Besides, I see how you look at each other. Really, my entire family talks about it."

I had to blink a few times, to take it all in.

"It's that obvious? I was trying to keep to myself." I shook my head. "That's not the point. Can I talk to Scorpius? That way he can choose if he wants to go home?" I asked, knowing she'd understand.

"Well of course. He's your son. I'll go get him."

————

He ended up wanting to stay, so I told him I would pick him up no later than 9:30. Right now, it's 4:00, and I can do something nice for Harry.

I had thought of a dinner. The romantic kind. I chose to set up the backyard. I charmed some Muggle radios to play music, and I set up a table with food, of course, all done with magic. The reason I chose the backyard is because he needs something pleasant and enjoyable. And right now, taking him anywhere unfamiliar, like a restaurant, will only be a source for anxiety. Anxiety that he doesn't need.

Satisfied with how I'd set everything up, I went back inside the house, where I found Harry wearing nice clothes, like I'd asked him to. I could tell he was slightly nervous, and saw he was squeezing his right wrist. I walked up to him.

"We're not going anywhere, right?" He asked, I took his hands, leaning if for a small kiss.

"No. I just wanted to do something with you. Come, to the backyard." He visibly relaxed, and I led him to my little set up, glancing towards him, where I saw a smile playing at his features.

"Do you like it?" I asked, taking in the glow in his eyes as he observed the setup.

"I love it." He said, with the widest grin I'd seen on him in months. I reciprocated it, relishing in his look of happiness.

Harry moved ahead, pulling out a seat for me. "Why thank you. I didn't think you could be this classy. I was getting ready to do the same for you." I joked with an impressed face. I took the seat, and he took his own. I looked at Harry, who was waiting for me to begin eating.

"Please, help yourself." I said, gesturing at the food. He offered a smile, before taking his first forkful, as did I.

"Hey, Harry..." I tapped my finger to my right cheek, trying to signal where there was a small stain of sauce at the corner of his mouth. He stared at me with his mouth full, and I couldn't help but look at his beautiful verdurous eyes for a few seconds.

" Hmpf?" ...I assumed he was trying to say my name. I lightly chuckled and kept pointing to my cheek. He tried to get the speck of his face many times with a napkin, still not having swallowed the food. I couldn't help but laugh between each attempt, and Harry couldn't either. Which almost made him choke on his food.

"Disgusting, Harry! Please swallow your food, or I may have to start feeding you like I did Scorpius when he was a baby." With that, he finally swallowed his food and wiped off the sauce. "Sorry..." he apologized between small laughs. "It really is good food though, thank you." I nodded in acknowledgment and pride, and continued eating.

We spoke about various unimportant things, and it was quite a relaxing, entertaining evening. The indistinct sounds of children next door was ignored, as we jokingly teased each other, told jokes, and laughed. Harry didn't finish his food, as usual, but he'd eaten more than enough. To be honest, I'd probably served too much.

After dinner, I used magic to tidy everything, and we began to walk back into the house. "Thank you for the food... and for the wonderful evening." Harry said, with a warm smile to accompany his gratitude. I paused in the middle of the living room.

"Of course, I don't think I've had a time like that in years... and it wouldn't have been as splendid without you." I responded, reaching for his hands. I leaned forward, connecting our foreheads. Things were slow, and I became overwhelmed with the urge to have him connected to me. I had placed my lips on his without realizing, as if by reflex. We were passionate, and feverish. It was then that I realized; he was just as anxious to be with me again as I was. I ran my hands down his body, from his neck to his hips. "Harry..." I breathed.

"Yes..." he replied in the same manner. Without a second thought, I walked us to the room, without breaking us apart, and pushed the door to my bedroom open.


	57. Chapter 57

_In the cupboard. The cupboard, trapped. Spiders, an old mattress, dust mites, no light. Trapped, hungry, thirsty, weak. They wouldn't leave me here to die. They can't-_

I woke with a tremendous jolt, my breath in my throat, and shaking. I couldn't recognize where I was, and my mind trailed to my overly vague dream of being trapped again. It was just, _so_ _vivid_.

I looked around hazily. Everything was dark. I stumbled out of bed hurriedly, slamming the wall's light switch into the 'on' position. I was doubled over, feeling light headed. _Breathe._ I yanked the door open, desperate to escape. _I can't be trapped again._ I didn't quite comprehend the voice exclaiming what on earth I'm doing. The touches on the shoulder, and the slight tugs were numb to me. _Breathe._ Everything was spinning, and as I ran I turned on every light switch that I passed. _BREATHE._ I'm panicking. Hyperventilating.

"Harry, please-"

"Get away. Get away!" I screamed, backing away, and holding out a defensive arm. _Why can't I breathe?!_ I looked around, half expecting to see Uncle Vernon, crouching to look at me through the small entry way of my cupboard, but everything was too blurry to make out. I burst through the front door, leaving it wide open, and took an enormous breath. As big as I could. I felt the cold air bite through my lungs, burning my already dry throat, cracking my chapped lips. It made me feel worse.

I felt the world around me fall as I sunk down. Soon I was doubled over, knees to my chest, trying to find any bit of fresh air that I could. Not violent winter air, and not hot, stuffy, muggy, reused cupboard air. Soon enough, there were tears cascading down my cheeks, allowing the cold air to bite at them. I was becoming desperate for air, I felt like my lungs were collapsing on me. I gripped my chest, feeling my nails dig into me. _I can feel it crushing me._ I was painfully aware of the slender hand trying to pick me up, and I dimly followed.

"Please, let's go inside. It's freezing tonight. Come on, it's okay. Everything is alright. Follow my breathing..." I recognized the pleading yet calm voice, but everything was too hazy for me to understand. I know those hands. I've felt them before. But my mind was still reeling, and suddenly, the cold air that was making my core shiver was exactly what made me realize that I'm not trapped in the hot, stuffy cupboard.

"I-I can't. Please, le- I need air, light." I said through shallow breaths and a deeply furrowed brow.

I felt the warmth as he hugged me close, and it felt like a suffocating grip around my throat. I pushed him away, shivering violently.

"P-please. Air." I said, getting closer to the cemented ground.

"I need you to breathe with me. Follow my breaths as I count." I saw a flash of white blond settle by me; my stomach gave an awful lurch.

"Feel where you are for me." I felt the ghost of my right hand go from my chest- heaving and weighing me down- to the pathway leading to the front door. _The pathway. The front door._ I blinked a few times, pleading for my eyes to adjust as much as they could without my glasses. _I'm not where I thought I was._

On my right side, I felt every minuscule indent on the ground, taking it in every time my finger passed over a small bit of loose rocks. I took my first successful deep breath.

My left hand felt cold, dewey, soft. _Grass._ I closed my eyes. I gripped it hard, feeling each blade clasped in my hand like feathers, softly brushing against my palm until I could understand. _I'm not trapped._

My bare feet, they were numb from the cold, more so than my finger tips, and I could feel the hem of my pajama pants as the wind nudged them side to side.

It was then that I noticed the hand rubbing up and down my clothed back soothingly. A trembling hand, trying its best to keep steady.  
I moved my left hand backwards, and I felt as my surroundings shifted from grass to a person. Someone's knee, covered by a pant leg. _So the grass was in front of me, not next to me._

I leaned into this person, not bothering to open my eyes and confirm that it was who I thought it was. He's shivering, just like I am. I felt a tickle at my ear as his warm breath gave me the smallest bit of relief.

"Let's go inside." Whispered a soft, trembling voice. I nodded, and slowly, shakily, we stood. I was gripping his arm the entire time, as he had it held out for me. I opened my eyes to be greeted by blurry vision as we neared the bright yellow light within the house. And as soon as the door was closed behind us, and I was standing on the welcome mat, I could feel my feet slowly start to regain feeling. I rested my head on the figure next to me, who I now confirmed to be Draco. And I felt a brief chill go through me.

"Are you okay?" I nodded softly, closing my eyes again.

"Do you want me to leave all of the lights on?" I felt his hand shift from my back to my hair, and exhaled at his soothing touch.

"Just need a lamp." I murmured.

"Okay... do you think you can go back to sleep?" He asked, softly as ever.

"Let's go to bed." I whispered. Not knowing if I'd really fall asleep, but knowing that I would love the comfort of a bed right now.

As we made it back to the room, Draco turned off each light we passed, and I made sure to stay slightly in front of him, and make sure I could still feel him. _I don't want to be trapped, consumed by darkness._ When we made it to the bedroom, he closed the door, going to his bedside to turn on a table lamp, then going back towards me, to turn off the main light. He lingered beside me, staring into my eyes.

"Are you sure you're alright?" I could hear the concern lacing his tone.

I nodded. "I'm alright now... it's okay." I whispered, closing my eyes once again.

"Okay." I felt his lips brush mine for a soft, loving kiss, that I returned, before he held my hands, leading me to the bed.

The covers were warm. Almost as if I'd never left them. I enjoyed it, as the soft comforter embraced me in a sort of hug, as the sheets settled around me. My head rested on the pillow, which had become cold to the touch, and my head seemed heavy as lead. Then, I felt Draco hug me from behind. Snaking his arms around my waist, as the rest of him was pressed against my frame.

"Try to get some rest."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ATTENTION READERS:   
> ANNOUNCEMENT 1) There will be a continuation of this book, and the first chapter will be published on the same day that I publish the last chapter of this book. The name is Returned.
> 
> ANNOUNCEMENT 2) Please comment on this chapter notifying me if you, amazing readers, would like me to include an organized full timeline of the events of this book to keep you on track for the next book. The timeline would be released as an extra chapter (Chapter 62) 
> 
> ANNOUNCEMENT 3) Thank you all for the kind words and the kudos, every notification absolutely makes my day, I am glad you are all enjoying this fanfiction so much : )


	58. Chapter 58

—Draco POV—

_ "What are we? Humans? Or animals? Or savages? What's grownups going to think? Going off - hunting pigs - letting fires out - and now!" _

I sighed, continuing to re-read my novel, before Harry got up from his side of the couch, walked over to me, and, without a word, weaved his way between my chest and the book in my hands, resting his knees on the couch, on either side of my lap, and resting his head on my chest, letting his arms fall where they may. I looked at him, then at Scorpius, sitting on the armchair beside the couch, animatedly watching a cartoon playing on the Muggle Television.

"Um. I'm reading." I said with an inquisitive face.

"Just keep reading." He mumbled. Then again. "Haven't you read that before?"

"Yes." I said, trying to continue my page.

"Don't. We'll get you new books." He mumbled, still laying slack on top of me.

"Well I still need _something_ to read."

He hummed a response, not moving, and I returned to my book.

_ A shadow fronted him tempestuously. _   
_ "You shut up, you fat slug!" _   
_ There was a moment's struggle and the glimmering conch jigged up and down. Ralph leapt to his feet. _   
_ "Jack, Jack!" _

I tore my eyes from the page, resting the book down on Harry's back.

"Are you sure you're alright?" I asked him.

"That's just about the thousandth time you ask me that today." He groaned.

"Drama queen." I rolled my eyes.

"What do you mean? you've been asking me that _all_ day _._ "

"Well you can't blame me! You-" I paused, eyeing Scorpius, who was sitting, tracing shapes onto the arm of the chair. He may be good at hiding it, but I know he's listening to us.

"Let's go upstairs." I told Harry.

"I have to get up?" He groaned.

"Yes." I said, sprawling my arms out so he could do so.

When I felt his weight removed from me I moved to get up from the couch.

"Scorpius, you stay watching TV. Harry and I will be right back."

Soon enough, Harry and I were in the bedroom, with the door closed, and the light on.

"You do realize that you've never had a panic attack quite like yesterday night. At least not one that I've ever seen. So imagine my surprise when I'm chasing you halfway out of the house at one in the morning, in freezing weather wearing nothing but pajamas." I explained with a huff, before continuing.

"You've never done that before. And when I went to comfort you, you screamed at me to get away, like I was... a threat, or something. I didn't know what to do." I looked at him in the eyes. Then I finished:

"You can't pull a stunt like that and not expect me to be at least a little bit worried."

He kind of looked around, like he was avoiding my eyes. It was a bit frustrating.

"I just- it's fine. Really. I-"

"Harry-"

"Well it wasn't _just_ a panic attack. I- I don't know how to explain it." He huffed.

"Try... what was going through your brain?" I pressed gently.

"I was. _There._ In that, stupid, _blasted_ bloody cu-" he paused, seemingly deep in thought.

I nodded, to show I was following.

"I was _in_ the dream... after I woke up, it felt like I was still there. It was crushing me. I- I couldn't. I don't ever want to be there again." I could tell he was struggling to speak.

"I'm never going to let you end up there again... you're quite literally a whole country away from all of that. And even if you were there, I wouldn't let them lay a hand on you... again." My expression darkened, remembering my too-slow reaction two days ago, on Christmas.

"I- I know it- I just-" he exhaled.

"It felt... different. I couldn't understand that I was awake. I knew I was. I just... I was..." he looked me in the eyes with an expression of pain, shaking his head.

"I felt like I needed to escape."

I nodded dimly, moving forward to encase him in a hug, and we swayed side to side for a while.

"I understand... actually, a lot of what you've been feeling. I- know what it's like..." Both of us tightened the hug, and at that moment I don't think we really needed any words. I thought about what I'd just admitted. And as much as I wanted to think no one would have ever known how I felt, Harry really would have been the only one ever close to understanding. He was the only one who ever saw me that weak... until I'd married Astoria. I remember the first time she saw me cry, I thought of Harry. I thought about that night, and how I ended up in the hospital, because we were both stupid and defensive, and I couldn't come to terms with the idea that anyone saw me less than perfect.

Right now, though, it was just us, and a silent knowledge that everything has changed since back then, and that we're working through it together.

_I love you, Harry._

"Harry?" He nodded.

"I care about you... a lot. I... trust you, and, I don't hate you, like I may have back then... You're strong, but I'm still going to stay by your side... just because you can handle it, doesn't mean you should handle it alone." I whispered, closing my eyes tightly. After a moment of silence, he replied.

"I care about you a lot too, Draco."

————

I woke with a jolt, eyes snapping open. _It was only a nightmare._ I told myself, focusing on my heart rate.

"Draco? Are you okay?" I heard Harry mumble sleepily.

"Yeah. Just go back to sleep." I responded, running a hand through his hair.

"I felt your heart skip a few beats."

"You're supposed to be asleep, not feeling my heart. It's okay, I promise."

"Okay." He mumbled. It was a quiet few minutes, and I felt myself dozing off already. Eyes heavy, when the sound of Harry's voice brought me back.

"Draco."

"Yeah?" I mumbled, really just wanting to go back to sleep.

"What was it like? Being a death eater, I mean."


	59. Chapter 59

—Draco POV—

"What was it like? Being a death eater, I mean." My jaw tensed, and it took a few seconds to respond.

"Stressful." I answered truthfully.

"Well... I mean, what did it feel like?" He clarified. I took a tired breath.

"Is it alright if we have this conversation... tomorrow? I would like to continue sleeping." I said with an exhausted and weary tone.

"Right. Sorry." He replied. I sighed softly.

"It's alright. Try for some sleep. Goodnight."

"Goodnight"

————

"Are you ready to talk about it?" Asked Harry, I looked up at him, mouth full with a bite of partially chewed sandwich. He was looking at me shyly, rubbing his right wrist.

"Sorry. I'll let you finish." He said looking down at his lap, letting go of his wrist. I finished chewing, then swallowed, before taking a sip of water.

"What's he asking about dada?" I turned to Scorpius.

"It's nothing concerning you. Do you think you could go to your room and play for a moment while we speak? Do you want me to set up a movie?" I asked him, avoiding eye contact with Harry.

"I'll go play with my toys." He said, getting up slowly. I stopped him.

"Scorpius. Don't go getting ideas. This is an adult conversation. Understand?" I clarified, looking at him with a piercing gaze.

"Okay."

"Thank you. Now go play. I love you." I gave him a quick hug, and then ushered him away.

"You need to talk to him eventually." Commented Harry as soon as Scorpius was gone.

"He doesn't need to know how stupid his father was. He doesn't need to know about his family." I answered, expressionless.

"It's important though-"

"No. What's important was your side of the story. I don't need his image of me being tainted. I'm his father. He doesn't need to look up to a monster." I snapped, holding back the pant of guilt in my chest, and ignoring the hairs in the back of my neck standing stiff. I picked up my sandwich for another bite.

"So..." he continued warily. I involuntarily eyed him threateningly. "About-"

"Why are you asking about this so suddenly?" I interrupted, clearly annoyed that the topic ever had to exist.

"Well- You were never like the others... I could tell. You always hesitated. You looked uncomfortable... and scared."

"But why now?" I pressed, with ever increasing agitation.

"I thought of it... after you said you understood what it was like feeling trapped. I figured it had to do with that... I'm sorry if that was wr-"

"No. You're right." I said shortly, looking down at my plate.

"Why are you getting all _defensive_ all of a sudde-"

"Because." I bit. It was then that I realized I was beginning to shake. I clenched my hand into a fist to calm down, I noticed Harry move slightly. I glared up at him.

"I'm not going to _do_ anything to you." I said bitterly.

"I never said-"

"I can see it. I'm not like that anymore, you don't have to-" I was cut off by the sound of moving behind me, I whipped my head over, noticing Scorpius in the corner. I got up, fuming, with a stern scolding on my mind, but was held back harshly by Harry.

"He's curious-"

"He shouldn't be listening in to our conversations!" I began to yell.

"Go outside before I'm compelled to jinx you." He said dangerously. I stared at him, then back at Scorpius, who looked scared. My breathing was labored. I need to go calm down. I stared at Harry, assessing my choices, before turning and leaving the house. Harry stood firm. I slammed the door shut, going to Maria's house.

—Harry POV—

I was angry, well beyond it, really. And I was ready to give Draco a fight if he needed one.

The house was stiff, and silent. I turned over to Scorpius, who had been watching the whole thing unfold.

"It's alright." I said, pausing. Scorpius and I have never really had a meaningful conversation before. And I don't quite know how to handle this. He slowly emerged from his spot.

"Is he mad at me?" He asked, looking up at me unsure. I shook my head.

"No. He's mad at me." I said, glancing over to the door that had so violently been closed shut.

"He wouldn't do anything to you..." I paused. "He cares about you too much to do anything." I concluded.

Just then, Scorpius ran over to me, sending me into a hug. Due to his age it was really an awkward hug around the legs, but I patted him, signaling to let go, before crouching to his height, and giving him a proper one.

"Why doesn't he want me to know about that stuff?" He asked curiously.

"Things... happened, when Draco and I were younger. Things you'll probably learn about in school...They were sad things... we just don't like to think about it. I asked him to think about it." I responded as he let go of the hug to listen.

"Why'd you ask him that? Why'd you make him mad?"

"I wanted to know what he thought about all of those things." I said, making sure I didn't mess this up too much.

"Can you tell me about the stuff?" I opened my mouth to respond, quickly closing it.

"You'll learn about it one day... when you're ready." I said, staring into his eyes.

"Everyone will have to learn about it. But they can't learn about it before they're ready-" I hesitated, thinking about being eleven and learning that everyone knew more about me than I did. Feeling lost and confused as everyone could take one look at my scar and tell me my own family's history.

"Learning before you're ready isn't fun..." I thought about Professor Quirrel trying to kill me, seeing Voldemort's face for the first time- being who had enough reason to kill me just for being born. Me in an adrenaline rush, knowing I had to survive, because everyone said I had to. Dumbledore taking me under his watchful eye, just because I was destined to save the world, all because my parents died. Him knowing I had to die, and not telling me.

— Draco POV—

"I just don't understand why he has to bring something up I _clearly_ don't want to talk about!" I said, pacing back and forth in Maria's kitchen. She was sat listening to me.

"Tell him you don't want to talk about it then."

"It's not that simple, Maria. Every time I ask him to talk to me he does it even if he isn't fond of the idea. He's told me a bunch of stuff about him-"

"Then what's the deal talking to him about your problems? As my family would say: para de comer mierda y haz lo que necesitas. [stop eating shit and go do what you need to do]."

"Maria I don't know what you're saying-"

"Go talk to him! Coño! [God Damn it] Stop being stubborn!" I sighed in frustration.

"Thanks Maria." I muttered sarcastically, leaving her house. I walked over to mine, opening and closing the door gently. The table was clear, and Harry and Scorpius were nowhere in sight. After a short search, the first person I found was Scorpius, who was in his room.

"Hey Scor... I'm sorry about the yelling." He looked at me, before turning back to his toys.

"You know it's not right to listen to conversations that don't concern you. What you did was disrespectful... but I didn't mean to scare you either..."

"It's okay." He said, still focused on his toys.

"I love you. Hug?" I said, kneeling to his level. He walked over with his knees, falling into a hug with me. I took it gratefully.

"Don't do that with me again, okay? I promise to control my temper more." I told him. He let go of the hug.

"Harry said you were mad because he made you think about sad stuff. Don't be sad. I don't like it."

"Don't worry. Everything is fine, I promise." I told him with a small smile, ruffling his hair up.

"I'm going to talk to Harry now. Stay here, please."

"Okay."


	60. Chapter 60

—Harry POV—

"You don't need to talk about it yet." I told Draco when he walked into the room. I looked up at him in confidence, feeling my wrist... I've picked up that habit over the last few days. I touch it softly, almost like a reminder that uncle Vernon isn't around anymore.

Draco looked at me with an expression I couldn't decipher, and things were quiet for a while.

"I don't think I can talk about all of it." He said, before returning to silence. I stayed looking at him, waiting for him to continue. Surely, he did.

"But, I can start... You deserve that, at least."

"Okay." I told him, not really sure of anything else to say.

"I didn't lie... when I said it was stressful."

I nodded slowly, a bit shocked at the fact that for the first time, I could see Draco nervous, and almost sad.

"Everything was stressful... I had to do what he said, or... he-" Draco paused, looking around the room.

"And the longer I took, the more they belittled my family. Called us weak, cowards. They didn't like us, the others. They thought we weren't as passionate about supremacy as them... I guess, in a sense they were right. But my parents had burdened me with their reputation. And Voldemort had us threatened. Messing up meant we died." He said. I found it slightly difficult to follow as he awkwardly skipped from topic to topic, but they all seemed to tie together in his mind, for his face showed anything but confusion; regret, grief, pain even, but not confusion. He then sat down beside me.

"Getting the mark was horrifying. I remember asking Mother over and over again if it would hurt. 'Quick and painless' she'd say, every time.

"Was it?" I asked, curious.

"Yes. There wasn't much to it, really. Anyone could get it... as long as he trusted you enough... When I got it he told me I needed to prove my loyalty by killing Dumbledore... by finding a way to get death eaters into the school. I knew I couldn't do it." He gave a bitter laugh. "But aren't I supposed to be perfectly heartless? Perfectly evil?" He looked up at me, pain swirling across his eyes, continuing the bitter laugh.

"Aren't I supposed to believe everything my family told me? I had no reason to dissent their views. They were the best parents anyone could ask for. Aunt Bella taught me Occlumency, Father got me anything I'd desired, Mother made sure I was nurtured. And when the time came, she made sure Snape could protect me." He began to waver, and looked down. I could almost see how his head was swimming with thoughts and memories.

"It just didn't feel right." He whispered with a shaking voice. "What they wanted me to do made me feel like I deserved to die. Helping them... I-" he took a shaking breath.

"I needed to do it... It was like I was forcing myself to commit suicide." His breath caught in his throat, and he shut his eyes. I went over to him, unsure if he would want a hug, but ultimately going for it.

"How were you able to get the mark? Couldn't Voldemort sense that you weren't entirely loyal?" I though out loud.

"I just suppressed every other part of myself. Kept every aspect of my personality separate, making sure I could avoid fighting with myself." He replied, not returning the hug, but instead staying still. "It slowed me down... my thoughts. It made them doubt my abilities as a death eater. Which put me and my parents in danger." He let out a burst of breath that he seemingly forgot to let out earlier.

"You don't have to keep going if you don't want to." I said, more than satisfied with the little tidbit of the inner workings of his mind. Disturbed that he was capable of having thoughts as dark as mine, and probably darker.

"Draco?" I asked, removing myself from the hug.

"Yeah, Harry."

"I-is that why you knew how to handle my panic attacks? My breakdowns?"

"I've had my fair share of them. I had to learn to comfort myself, and make sure that no one could tell what was going on. I made sure to keep a still face through everything. Which became a bit easier when I would zone out..."

"Draco?" I asked, another question coming to my mind.

"Yes?" He answered.

"That day in sixth year... in the bathroom..."

"Let's not talk about it..." he said bitterly.

"Okay." I replied, going in hesitantly for another hug, this time, he reciprocated it, and I could feel tears soak through my shirt. I couldn't even hear that he was crying.

"It's okay..." I told him, patting him on the back.

"At least you don't have to deal with it anymore... right?" I felt bad for not knowing quite how to comfort him. I really wanted to just, sort through all of the information I had, but now wasn't the time.

"Thanks for telling me... I know it was difficult." I murmured into his ear, tightening the hug. He tightened it as well.

"You deserved to know. I can't expect you to tell me everything about yourself while I remain a complete mystery."He paused, as if thinking of what to say. I could feel that he was hesitant. And what he said next ran a chill across my spine. " _If_ _things now_ _were the other way around_ _,_ _I don't think I would have trusted you until you proved that you didn't truly want to be a Death Eater_ _back then_ _._ "

I answered right away: "I was in a dark place... I was desperate... in need of help. And I guess deep down I knew you weren't as horrible as you'd always acted..." I said a bit awkwardly.

"I wouldn't have trusted myself. Nobody trusts me- not now- now that they know I had the mark, that I somehow evaded Azkaban..." He stated.

"But it was different with me... I'm not everyone else. I saw you for six years, and I wouldn't be surprised if I was among the first to see you cry, albeit by accident." I tried explaining, while scrambling through my brain. _What gave me the impression that he wouldn't sneak his way into my family and hurt us?_

"You saved us, in the manor. And you didn't kill Dumbledore-"

"I wanted to accept his offer... his offer of sanctuary- protection. But then they caught up to me... I remember how difficult it was to keep myself together as Bella's shrill whisper came across to my ear, telling me to 'do it already' The pain I felt to conceal how badly I was shaking. How I just wanted to- to reverse my aim, to punish myself for what I was doing to the world..." He sniffled, and I hugged him tighter, feeling his cries become verbal.

"Let's take a rest." I suggested, laying him down. He gripped my shirt tightly,  
Kicking off his shoes to snuggle into me.

"I was a horrible person." He croaked.

"You were doing what you needed to survive." I reassured, suddenly feeling like I understood, yet feeling at the same time that I would never understand. I felt him shaking his head against me.

"No, Draco, I promise... you're not as horrible as you think." I told him, determination in my eyes. "It's okay. Everything is safe now. No ones forcing you to do anything." Things were silent again, for a while, before he spoke.

"I care about you, a lot." He sniffled.

"I care about you a lot too, Draco."

After about a half hour, Draco fell asleep with his head resting on my chest, and I just laid still, sorting through everything I'd been told. I didn't realize just how difficult it had been for him, how much of a change he truly went through. It made me feel bad for acting so stupid. My thoughts were interrupted though, by Scorpius, who burst into the room.

"Dada!"


	61. Chapter 61

—Harry POV—

"Dada-" I shushed Scorpius gently.

"He's sleeping." I said, turning my head to face him.

"Why did he fall asleep on top of you?" He asked with a puzzled look.

"We were hugging." I stated, a shade of pink coming across my cheeks. Draco and I are never really intimate in front of Scorpius. I don't think he really has any idea I'm with his dad.

"Oh! So it's like when I fall asleep on him!" He exclaimed, I had to remind him to keep his volume down.

"Sure. What do you need?"

"I wanted to make a scavenger hunt around the house. He does that for me sometimes." He said happily.

"If you give me a second, I'll be right there. I think we should let your dad sleep." I said. "Go get the things you want me to hide."

He left the room excitedly, closing the door. I was left in silence, glancing down at the taller man, fast asleep on top of me. How on earth am I going to move?

————

—Draco POV—

I awoke alone in my bed, feeling unclean, and tired. Memories of what happened just hours before trickled back to me as I sat up, deciding I needed a shower to remove the stale feeling I had from when I'd fallen asleep. I rarely nap, and this is why.

After showering and getting dressed, I walked out of my room, only to be greeted by Scorpius, who was almost trying to squeeze his way through the kitchen cabinets.

"Wh-"

"I hid something in there." Whispered Harry from slightly behind me, I looked over to him, and saw he had a slight smirk on his face, and his wand in his crossed arms.

"I hid a bunch of things. One of them, I even transfigured, don't tell him." I stifled my laughter, looking over to Scorpius in amusement. I heard a clatter, followed by Scorpius holding up a stuffed bear triumphantly.

"I found it!" He shouted. "The clue is on his arm!" He looked down. "Look where I belong." He said thoughtfully.

"My toy chest!" He said, thundering past us. I chuckled.

"So he wanted to do a scavenger hunt. You know, you could have woken me." I told him with an entertained smile.

"You looked like you needed the rest." He said, then he looked at me suspiciously, inhaling deeply.

"You showered." He commented.

"Of course, I smelled like moist rotting wood." I told him honestly, turning to him.

"Does it surprise you?" I teased.

"No, I just wasn't thinking about it." He said with a shrug. Soon Scorpius zipped past us with a DVD box, stopping abruptly at the shelf of movies I had for him. He looked around, confused at not having found anything out of the ordinary.

"Watch this." Harry whispered to me excitedly, before pointing his wand at the shelf. I noticed that one of the movies turned into a chocolate bar. Scorpius's eyes lit up, and I immediately walked towards him.

"You are not eating that before dinner." I told him.

"Dada I got the treasure!" He exclaimed, jumping up and down. I eyed Harry.

"You haven't been giving him loads of chocolate while I was asleep right?" I said half jokingly. Harry shook his head. I looked outside, noticing the setting sun.

"How would you all feel about going out to eat?" Harry looked at me slightly worried when I said that.

"It's a really nice, breezy night, We can find a Muggle town to walk around, eat dinner?" I suggested. Scorpius looked really excited, and I didn't blame him. He loves when we leave the house. I looked at Harry with the question lingering in my raised brow.

"Okay." He said. "I guess I need to get showered then." He finished. I looked down at Scorpius.

"Harry isn't the only one needing a shower, young man." I told him firmly.

"Don't worry dada, I know." He said, immediately going towards his bathroom, his leftover energy still showing.

Harry went to my room, and I followed behind him. When we were alone I wrapped my arms around his waist, giving him a kiss where I could reach. He turned around, and in doing so he put his hand to cup my face, giving me a proper kiss. I noticed that he does this sometimes to avoid whatever anxious feelings he has. Not every time, but sometimes. And I knew that this was one of them because Harry can never hide his shaking.

"Hey, It's going to be fun, you'll see. And I'm going to be with you the whole time." I said,

Going in for another kiss. "Nothing is going to happen, okay? Go shower. I'm going to get dressed." I reassured.

"I don't know." He said, unsure.

"Look at me. I'm going to be there the whole time." I repeated. "You're going to be fine. We'll eat dinner, and then, if you're up for it, we can walk around."

————

—Harry POV—

I kicked a rock in front of me as we strolled along the sidewalk. Scorpius was leaning into Draco's left side, complaining of the cold, to which Draco would keep responding with 'put up your hood, and keep your scarf around your neck.' To which a stubborn Scorpius would respond with 'But you don't have a hood or a scarf!' and Draco would continue with 'My shirt is a turtleneck, I don't need a scarf.' But of course, the banter would come while Draco allows his son to lean into him for warmth, andhe drapes an arm around him for safety.

I was holding Draco's right hand, willing myself to not look around every corner and take out my wand, which, after significant protest from Draco, he let me take in my coat pocket. Nothing has gone wrong, and slowly my nerves are becoming more at ease. We ate at a fairly nice place called "Seafood Shack", and then Scorpius got Ice cream a few blocks down. Before that, we had visited a museum, which Scorpius seemed to take great interest in. Now, we were walking back down, passing pubs and bars, and one place with surprisingly loud piano music. Which got Draco to comment:

"I play the organ. Did you know?" I turned to him in shock.

"You play an organ? Like a church Organ?"

"It's called a Pipe Organ." He corrected me.

"Where on earth did you fit that monstrous thing?" I exclaimed, to which he simply stated:

"The manor is a lot larger than it looks." I just stared in astonishment. "It was in our drawing room." He added.

"God... You were playing a pipe organ your spare time? Was it difficult?" I asked, suddenly overcome with curiosity.

"Yes. I don't think I got really good until I was 14 or so... I started when I was 10. It took just more than the entire summer to learn. After that, it was just about getting good. And being at Hogwarts meant taking significant time off, which slowed me down. But, I would play whenever I got the chance. One time, I even got the room of requirement to summon me an organ. Because I just really wanted to play and be alone that day."

"Blimey, that's amazing." I said, awestruck. "Does that mean you could play something on the piano too?" I asked, ever more curious. He took a second to think.

"I mean, I could try, but piano and organ are so different, I would probably only be able to play simple music. It's also just been such a long time."I looked at him bewildered.

"What?" He asked.

"I just, how is it that you were able to play an organ, but not a piano?"

"I had an organ where I lived, not a piano."

"But... how? If you have the money and space for an entire organ then I would think you have a piano too."

"Well my ancestors obviously thought an organ to be the only suitable instrument to have in the manor." I looked at him in disbelief, almost tripping from not looking forward. After catching myself, I spoke again.

"You mean to tell me that the richest family in the Wizarding World didn't have a piano, but had an organ."

"Yes. What's so difficult to grasp about that? I learned how to paly the pipe organ, I haven't played in years. There's nothing special about it. What do you want me to transfigure an organ in the backyard and play for you?" He asked, obviously not meaning it, but my eyebrow raised in interest, and before I could answer, He interjected.

"No, I am not going to do that. Especially not with nosy Muggle neighbors and the fact that I'm out of practice.” I gave him a pout.

"Come on, I bet Scorpius would love to hear you play music."I said, looking towards Scorpius, who butted in immediately, as I hoped.

"Yeah!"

"Forget it." He said to us both. "I practically don't play anymore. Anyways, We're at the car now, let's go home."

Draco unlocked the car, and helped Scorpius in, before closing the door. I got into the passenger seat, and As soon as Draco got in and turned on the car, I fiddled with the buttons to turn on the heater.

"How did you do that?" He asked, feeling the warm air blow.

"You mean to tell me that I know how to work the buttons in your own car, and you can't?" I looked at him with amusement.

"I always just used warming charms. Didn't bother learning to use the buttons and stuff."

"So that's why you don't use the radio!" I exclaimed in sudden understanding.

"Excuse me?" He said, and I began fiddling with the buttons again, tuning to a radio station. Music began flooding into the vehicle.

"I can't believe it. You can't use your own car!" I said, laughing at my discovery. "The Draco Malfoy cannot properly use his own car." I teased.

"I can use the car just fine! I can use everything I need to use."

"The bare minimum." I commented.

"At least I can drive the car." He replied snarkily.

"Oh yeah, like that makes it any better." I could hear Scorpius laughing at our conversation with me, though I doubt he understood why I was laughing so much. I saw Draco roll his eyes.

After we got home, and I was in bed, I realized that the entire piano conversation, along with teasing Draco over not being able to really use a car, had made me completely forget about my anxiety for the time being. I turned over in the bed, to face Draco, who was finishing a book, or I guess finishing it again.

"Hey, thanks for tonight. I don't think I've been able to spend that long outside of the house without getting an anxiety attack in at least a decade." I said, letting out a small chuckle. "Thank you for doing that." I saw him put his book down, putting his bookmark on the page where he'd left off.

"Any time. You see, I told you everything would be okay, you big whiny baby." He joked. I laughed.

"At least this baby can use a car radio and air conditioner."

"Oh shut it. At least I can play a church organ."

"You're so extra. You know how much easier it would have been to just learn piano?"

"Oh If you're so sure then maybe you could play me an etude on the piano, or better yet, the organ." I scoffed at his remark.

"I could easily figure out Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on probably any instrument." I said confidently.

"You would mess up the first note." He dramatically accused, accentuating each word. Then he continued: "You aren't even a musician." He said with a smirk.

"Says who?"

"Okay, What instrument do you play?" He asked, almost knowing I didn't have an answer. I smiled widely.

"Who's to say I don't sing?" I said triumphantly.

"You would probably sound like a dying rat." I looked at him with challenge in my eyes.

"Oh and I suppose you do sing?" I told him, daring him to say yes. 

"I don't." He said with a chuckle.

"So then who are you to-" I was cut off by a kiss, that I happily returned.

"What is that supposed to do, distract me?" I said with a smile.

"No, it's supposed to shut you up." He said cleverly.

"Well it didn't work. Maybe you should try again.”

"Maybe I need to." He said, giving me another one. When he pulled away I smirked mischievously.

"The third time's a charm, isn't it?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers! Merry Christmas! 
> 
> ANNOUNCEMENT #1: the first Chapter of the continuation to this book, title: Returned, will be published on the same day as the Timeline. 
> 
> ANNOUNCEMENT #2: The timeline will consist of in-detail, in-depth notes regarding the story’s events so far, as well as some earlier dates within the Harry Potter universe for reference. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read, commented, bookmarked, recommended, and given Kudos to this book. Your support means loads, and encourages me to continue writing. I’m glad to have been able to entertain you all with my ideas for this fanfiction, and I hope you continue to enjoy this story with the release of its continuation, title: Returned.


	62. Chapter 62

**Full Story Timeline**

_ **Timeline: 1979-2003** _

**September 19, 1979:**

Hermione Granger Born

**March 1, 1980**

Ron Weasley Born

**June 5, 1980:**

Draco Malfoy Born

**July 31, 1980:**

Harry Potter Born

**October 31, 1981:**

James and Lily die

**April 15 1998:**

Edward “Teddy” Lupin Born

**May 2, 1998** : 

Battle of Hogwarts

**February 2000:**

Harry and Ginny Get Married

**May 2000:**

Draco and Astoria get married

**August 2, 2000:**

Fred Weasley II born

**November 2000:**

Harry and Ginny move from England to America

**January 13, 2001:**

Scorpius Malfoy Born 

**March 20, 2001:**

Rose Weasley-Granger Born

**July 2001:**

Astoria Dies

**May 2, 2002**

Victorie Weasley born

**Early 2003:**

Draco and Scorpius move from England to America

_** Timeline: 2008 ** _

**Saturday, September 27: (Chapter 1-2)**

Harry and Draco ‘meet’ at the supermarket

**Sunday, September 28: (Chapter 4-6)**

Ron & Hermione find out about meet

Hermione walks into one of Harry’s panic attacks

Draco comes to dinner

**Thursday, October 2: (Chapter 7-8)**

Harry has a mental breakdown (The lightbulb incident)

**Saturday, October 4: (Chapter 9)**

Scorpius/Teddy playdate

Ginny suspicious of Harry’s distance

**Thursday, October 9: (Chapter 10)**

Ginny asks Harry to attend Marriage counseling 

**Saturday, October 11: (Chapter 10-13)**

Harry has attack PTSD

Harry leaves Ginny at couples counseling

Draco & Ginny fight

Harry tries to hurt himself Draco stops him

**Sunday, October 12: (Chapter 14-16)**

Ginny & Harry fight

Ginny England 

Hermione learn that Harry gae?

**Thursday, October 16: (Chapter 17)**

Harry/Draco almost kiss

**Friday, October 17: (Chapter 18-19)**

Scorpius/Harry talk 

Ginny Home, Teddy sad

  
  


**Tuesday, October 21: (Chapter 19)**

Harry panic attack alone

Scorpius/Teddy playdate (pt.2)

Ginny distant

Harry suicide plan

**Saturday, October 25: (Chapter 20)**

Harry/Draco kiss

**Sunday, October 26: (Chapter 21)**

Harry suicide try/fail

Ginny leaves to England

**Thursday, October 30: (Chapter 22-23)**

Harry Draco Supermarket Cuban

Harry Draco cook Cuban

**Friday, October 31: (Chapter 24-25** )

Harry parent death anniversary

Ginny announce Divorce via letter

Harry goes into shock

Scorpius neighbor b-day party

Ginny gets raped taking a walk after putting flowers out for the Potters (READERS UNAWARE)

**Saturday, November 1: (Chapter 26)**

Constellations and dominoes

Harry takes unnecessarily hot showers

**Sunday November 2: (Chapter 27)**

Harry replies to Ginny’s letter. He wants to talk in person about the divorce

Harry and Draco do the do **(Chapter 28)**

**Wednesday, November 5: (Chapter 30-32)**

Harry/Ginny fight England

Harry vanish

Draco panic

Ginny/Hermione duel

Draco drop kids off at Andromeda’s

Harry visit parent’s grave

Harry Drink alcohol first time since 6th year

**Thursday: November 6: (Chapter 33-35)**

Harry Drink one more **(Chpt. 33)**

Draco finds Harry, they talk **(Chpt. 33)**

Ron Draco fight **(Chpt. 34)**

Hermione Ron fight 

Hermione/Ginny talk, cry, (Harry/Draco and Harry/Ginny Marriage) 

Harry Draco talk to Andromeda abt Teddy **(Chpt. 35)**

Draco sees rumor abt Scorpius in News Paper **(Chapt. 35)**

Harry/Draco fight Alcohol 

Harry/Draco talk abt Hermione/Ron/Ginny

Draco cry abt past and Scorpius Harry comfort Draco

  
  


**Friday: November 7: (Chapter 36-39)**

Harry/Draco walk, night **(Chpt. 36)**

Harry sad, no meds **(Chpt. 37)**

Draco/Hermione/Ginny/Ron talk Harry Med

Harry talk death and Draco loss words **(Chpt. 39)**

**Friday: November 14: (Chapter 40)**

Hermione confused abt everything, talks to Ron

  
  


**Saturday: November 15: (Chapter 40-41)**

Hermione/Harry talk abt stuff that Harry wanted to avoid

Harry panic attack

Ginny announce got raped and pregnant

Harry hurt self

**Monday: November 17: (Chapter 41-42)**

Harry, Draco, Scorpius England again

All Weasleys know everything

Harry volunteer to help raise kid (James Sirius-to-be)

Draco/Harry argument

Harry feels responsible

Ginny might be self-harming??

Ginny traumatized by rape

**Saturday: November 22: (Chapter 43)**

Harry/Draco discuss what Hermione had mentioned

  * How is it that Draco and Harry r together
  * Why was Harry so quick to trust Draco
  * Why is Draco so different



**Tuesday: December 2: (Chapter 44)**

Draco almost tries to cast a patronus, gets caught by Scorpius

Scorpius has doubts that Draco is going to vanish like Astoria

Scorpius b-day announced for January

Harry update

  * Been sleeping a lil better
  * Has “made progress”
  * Has not been hurting himself



**Saturday: December 13: (Chapter 45- 49)**

Harry answer Dudley letter for Christmas

Harry panic, memories

Harry hurt self

Harry come clean abt hurt

Draco take blade away

Draco read Dudley letter

Harry come clean abt past w/ Dursleys

Harry mention suicidal tendencies

Draco comfort Harry

Draco movie Scorpius

Draco/Scorpius talk Astoria and death in general

Dinner

Draco break down over Harry ded thoughts

**Wednesday: December 24: (Chapter 50-53)**

Midnight tea gay

Maria’s house Noche Buena- culture shock

Harry concerned over Christmas

**Thursday: December 25: (Chapter 53-56)**

Dudley is nice, Dudley apologize

Dudley girlfriend Milicent Bulstrow

Mrs. Dursley awkward

Mr. Dursley asshole (not surprised) Grab Harry wrist.

Draco defend Harry

Harry Break down

Maria knows that Harry/Draco gay

Harry/Draco backyard date

Harry/Draco do the do pt. 2

**Saturday: December 27: (Chapter 57-58)**

Harry Cupboard panic attack feels real

\-----------other side of the day--------------

Harry frustrated Draco often ask if okay

Harry/Draco small argument

Draco talk abt how he gets it

**Sunday: December 28: (Chapter 59-61)**

Draco/Harry giant argument over death eater stuff

Scorpius eavesdropping

Draco/Scorpius fight _kinda_ …

Scorpius/Harry bonding

Draco/Scorpius make up

Draco/Harry talk

Draco sad 

Draco fall asleep

Harry/Scorpius scavenger hunt

Draco/Harry/Scorpius go out to City Market

**Wednesday: December 31: (Unwritten)**

New Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first Chapter to the sequel has been published as a work within this series! Go check it out! The title is Returned
> 
> Be prepared, as in this continuation, As Harry works through the journey within his mind, we will be delving deeper into the dynamics of both Harry’s and Draco’s past relationships as outside circumstances cause them to move back to Wizarding England and put them to the test. We will also be going deep into the thoughts and feelings of Teddy as his life at Hogwarts begins as well as Scorpius’ feelings as he becomes more curious about his late mother. Scorpius and Teddy will also be irreversibly bonded together as they are affected by Rumors that have begun floating around in the Wizarding World- making them more curious about life before they were born.


End file.
